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These aren’t the bitter rantings of a lonely, single girl – I have a boyfriend. And no, I’m not here just so I could tell you all that I have a boyfriend. But there was a long period of time (we’re talking a couple years here), where I was between serious significant others. And do you know what every single person told me anytime I complained about the woes of singledom? Some variation of:
“It’ll happen when you least expect it. You’ve got to stop looking. That’s when it happens.”
Yeah, well, I’m calling bullshit on your shitty advice.
I’m not saying that people giving this advice don’t mean well. Their hearts, bless them, are in the right place. They’re just completely off-base. What they really mean to say is that you can’t just give up on life because you’re single, and you should probably mix some other things in to your day-to-day instead of just being depressed about how alone you are. You shouldn’t only focus on finding someone to be with – you’ve got to have other hobbies and life distractions. Besides, who wants to date an obsessive loser with no friends? Exactly. Furthermore, what if you don’t actually find someone to love? Nothing in life is guaranteed, and at least this way, you’ll have a killer downward dog or concert ticket stub collection.
We get it, people with significant others. You mean well. But you’re still giving the shittiest advice ever.
Think about it. When has doing absolutely nothing been the answer to anything, ever? I mean, I’m lazy so I would absolutely love for the whole “do nothing” mantra to be legit. But seriously, can you name one single, legitimate time where the correct advice was “do nothing and just sit back and wait for it to come to you?”
I’ll wait.
Yeah. That’s what I thought. Doing nothing is never the answer. You don’t hear people going around giving this type of advice:
“Hey, don’t worry about being unemployed. If you don’t focus on it too much, the right job will just come along.”
“You shouldn’t be stressed about college. Don’t worry about those extracurriculars. You’ll get into your dream school when you least expect it.”
“It burns when you pee? Nah, don’t worry about it. We’ve all been there. Just stop looking for answers.”
“You don’t have the money to pay for rent? Stop focusing so much on it. It’ll all work itself out.”
“Unplanned pregnancy? Don’t stress. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
If someone said any of the above to me, I’d probably slap them across the face. Right after picking my jaw up from the floor. So if it isn’t okay to say “relax bro, do less” about life, why do people think that it’s valid advice for love?
I’m not saying that you’ve got to be on the love grind 100% of the time – again, no one is going to want to date you if you don’t at least have some hobbies/something to do when you’re not together – but at the very least, you need to keep your head on a swivel and always be aware and looking for potential love opportunities. You’ve got to go out. You have to be social. You have to actively seek out the type of people you want to date. You have to change out of your sweatpants and brush your hair. Even if it’s just minimally, you’ve got to try.
Again, you don’t have to download Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and God knows what other dating app, or spend hours and beaucoup dollars on the perfect Match/eHarmony/Farmers Only profile. I get it. It can be exhausting to swipe for hours on end. So yeah, give your fingers a break every once in awhile and take a step back, but don’t you dare ever stop trying entirely.
I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you. I know how badly you wanted the advice of your friend who totally didn’t expect to meet her significant other where/how/when she did, but I’m telling you now: it won’t happen like that. You’ve got to put some effort in, and that’s just the way it (and life) is. .
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turndownforwhit
Basic af, but not that mad about it. At least I'm self aware, right?
@Turnd0wn4whit
@Turndownforwhit
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The sponsored content is usually based on your search history/search patterns…
Don’t tell Mrs. Ruxin…
Explains why I keep getting ads to meet 40+ MILFs…
Well shit, my ad is for Herpes eraser
I got an ad for a Russian bride. If anyone wants the link, DM me.
I’ll take one of each, please
AdBlock plugins, anyone?
Mine was aircraft training, I can guarantee you I have never searched for that.
The magic conch told spongebob to do nothing when he was stuck in the kelp forest and he ended up in pretty good shape.
I usually offer up sound dating advice when people seek my supreme wisdom. What I usually tell them is to find someone that you’re comfortable enough with to have a deep conversation while shitting with the door open and that means you’ve probably found your future wife. Or find someone rich and life tends to work out because money is pretty much the only thing keeping you alive in this apathetic consumerist society lol
There’s a difference though between exerting effort in order to put yourself out there to find a significant other and becoming obsessive over your lack of a relationship. It’s usually the latter when people say that “it’ll happen when you least expect it.”
Exactly. Put in effort, but don’t be a stage 5. Also when I hear “it’ll happen when you least expect it,” I immediately hear that you feel bad for me. Would I like to be with someone eventually? Sure. Am I entirely content being single right now? Absolutely.
Exactly. When someone uses that phrase, it’s just a polite way to say “stop stressing over this so much.”
The comparisons she made though are beyond ridiculous though.
I take dating advice the same way I take professional advice. I welcome it all but have to acknowledge that it’s not all universal and some things don’t work for everyone. As long as someone doesn’t ram it down my throat, but rather offers it as a suggestion, I appreciate it.
Fair. I think the longer you stay single (on purpose or despite your best efforts) the more (sometimes unsolicited) dating advice you get. The advice givers mean well, for sure, and that in and of itself is appreciated.
Actually, I’ve found that the dating advice reaches a point and falls off a cliff. Seven years in without introducing anyone to my family/work/friends and I never get asked, although it took a solid 4/5 years to get to that point.
Wait, so you understood exactly what their advice meant, got pissed off at them for not wording it correctly, gave exactly the same advice, but worded better, their advice worked, and you still call it shitty advice? You must be fun to be around.
When people say that “it’ll come when you least expect it”, what they actually mean (or hope to mean) is, “get your shit together first and then start dating.”
You can smell desperation from a mile away and if you have a mindset that your life sucks and won’t get better until you meet someone, you’ll never meet someone good. The key is to focus on yourself, become confident with yourself and your life so that you can meet someone that’ll be a supplement to your already great life. Otherwise the relationship is doomed.
You absolutely nailed it. “It’ll come when you least expect it” doesn’t mean sit around on your ass and a significant other will come knocking at your door. It means that if you focus on yourself, your hobbies, and living a happy confident life then other people will be drawn to that and a relationship will come naturally.
It happens when you least expect it because that’s when you’re most truly pursuing your personal goals and coincidentally when you’re most appealing to others
I’m pretty sure if anyone translated this particular advice to, you’ll magically find someone by shutting in watching Netflix in the same pizza stained clothes for weeks on end without bothering to shower and wondering when the hell a relationship will happen is an idiot… And that seems to be the target audience for this article.
In general, that advice goes along the lines of: do things you normally like to do, meet people also doing those things, and be open to the possibilities that follow.
I think there’s a difference between working hard and trying hard. Trying implies failure, and in the dating world trying hard comes off as desperate or insecure whereas working hard to improve yourself and then not “trying” (not giving a fuck and being yourself) is much more likely to get you into a relationship.