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To whom much is given, much is expected. Trust me, I know. As a kid, my sister and I convinced my mom that getting a dog was a good idea. “We’ll take care of him,” we pleaded. “You won’t even know he’s around!” And not to call out two children who didn’t know any better, but we were blatant liars. Taking care of a dog is like taking care of a kid, just a little less expensive and a little more fun (I assume, because dogs are awesome and kids are the worst).
One man, rjohnstone13, took to Reddit to show the process he had to go through in order to allow his kids to get a dog. I truly cannot tell whether rjohnstone13 hate dogs, hates his kids, or hates both. But either way, the contract he drafted and made them sign is remarkable, incredibly detailed, and shows he doesn’t fuck around – especially when it comes to man’s best friend.
This is the type of dad who makes his kids stay after practice and do extra wind sprints. He drinks from the hose when his wife is standing on the porch with a tray of freshly-made Arnie Palmies. He makes his kid watch game tape of his pee-wee games.
But most of all? This dad is going to love this dog. You know the contract is just all smoke and mirrors, and deep down he’s going to scratch this thing’s stomach once he puts the kids to bed. By drafting a contract that essentially relieves himself of all responsibility for the dog, he’s assuming more responsibility for this thing than these kids even realize.
The best part of all of this? The kids signed, and they got their dog.
Hs name is Kershaw and has a Dodgers collar, so yeah, this dad is in love. .
[via Reddit]
Image via Imgur
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Casey get your shit together. That signature looks like mine at last call
That “dog” is basically a cat.
Any dog less than 50 lbs is a cat, and cats are pointless
Several Thoughts: 1) I wouldn’t wish four daughters on any man, regardless of his past indiscretions. 2) That dog is adorable. 3) My dog woke up to puke at 3:30 and 4:30 this morning. Luckily he made it all the way to the dining room rug instead of stopping on the hardwood floors. 4) He’s still my best friend.
My dad claims that he “hates” our family dog. Stopped by their house on a day off, walked in to see them napping together on the couch.
I was anticipating a line about them rescuing a shelter dog named Sperry….
A dog under 10 pounds that doesn’t shed at all looks like this:
What kind of man wants a dog that is 10-15 pounds? I lose all respect for him after that clause in the agreement
Anyone that says this isn’t a #DadGoal is a lying sack of shit.
I need that dog in my life right now.
I hope to never read the words “Arnie Plamies” ever again…..that is just a disgrace to a great man….and drink. Only time you should ever alter the name is to call it a John Daily.
1. John Daly*
2. Watch ‘The Other Guys’ and you’ll get the joke.
John Daily because you’re an alcoholic who needs one every day?
Damn it……that went right over my head…..you win.
If you come at the king you best not miss.