Creep Spends Months Stalking A Guy Who Runs Red Lights

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I have some weird hobbies. What they are isn’t important right now, but the point is, I understand people spending an inordinate amount of time doing something that seems frivolous. But some guy in Kalamazoo, MI (a city that I still maintain is fictional) is really putting my high tolerance for weird hobbies to the test, because he’s spent the last six months following one single car around. Why? Because the driver is an asshole. Check the video.

Yeah, there’s 22 minutes of footage, but you probably only need to watch the first two to get the idea. A black Honda Accord that for some hilarious reason is described as sounding like “a bike with a baseball card in the spokes” (which is usually done to make a bike sound like a Honda Accord in the first place) comes up to a light, snakes its way into the left hand turn lane, waits for the straight lane to go green, and then runs the left hand red to cut off the lead cars in the straight lane. It’s pretty ingenious if you have no soul.

Now, the guy filming claims that all of this was filmed on his commute to and from work, which I find hard to believe. I mean, maybe if the guy in the Accord worked with him and they had the exact same schedule, maybe, but unless Kalamazoo literally has only one road (entirely possible), then it seems a little convenient that this guy managed to find this much footage on Asshole Honda. But even if he did go out of his way to follow this bro around, or at least be in places where he knew the Accord would show up, I’m pretty ok with it. Sure, this guy isn’t Batman or anything. He’s more like a harmless version of Dexter. If you’re gonna stalk someone, it might as well be the guy who drives like a dickhead, right?

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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