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King Burrito Supreme reigns… Supreme. Taco Bell was voted ‘Best Mexican Restaurant in America’ in the highly respected Harris Poll. If you work in brand or consumer marketing, you know that the Harris Poll is gospel. This is a direct line to the needs, wants and desires of the ever-gluttonous American consumer.
Also, in case you were wondering how fat Americans are, Krispy Kreme was voted ‘Best Coffee Shop’ in the country.
I am not upset that Taco Bell was voted as the grandest Mexican joint in the US of A. If you’re upset about this, you need to unfuck yourself because there is no greater restaurant chain in America than Taco Bell. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been served subpar fajitas and syrupy margaritas at a shitty sit down Mexican chain restaurant.
You know what I’ve never been disappointed in? Taco Bell. I know exactly what I’m getting every time. It’s going to be delicious, beefy, crispy, shame-inducing and make me feel like shit for the rest of the day, but for those 15-20 minutes of processed bliss, my day is perfect.
Also, there are Taco Bells everywhere and they’re all great. The Taco Bell I go to on the Strip in Vegas on my way to the airport is exactly the same quality (albeit with much less pizzazz) as the one I go to on Cleaver II Boulevard in Kansas City. Although, I highly recommend the T-Bell flagship store in Vegas. What an experience that is. That’s like hungover Disney World.
So, keep your small plates and tapas out of my face. I love a good, dingy, dimly lit, greasy spoon Mexican joint. What I love more than that is the bright fluorescent backlit sign and a minimum wage employee confirming that my screen is correct and that yes, I do in fact want a Chalupa supreme meal, mini beefy quesadilla, spicy potato soft taco, Cool Ranch Doritos locos taco supreme, Cheesy Gordita Crunch, and all the damn hot sauce you got in that joint.
There really is nothing better than eating $12 worth of this incredible sustenance and then hating yourself for it for the next 8-12 hours.
Crown the king and bow before him. Taco Bell rightfully claims this throne. .