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@Coffee_Dad Is One Of Twitter’s Hidden Gems

Once in a while, this disturbing cesspool of smut and nonsense that is the internet spits out a little nugget of gold for the world to enjoy. For those of you that are on the Twitter machine, I recently stumbled across one such golden nugget that needs to be shared. The account is called @Coffee_Dad, and while it is easily one of the strangest accounts on Twitter, it is also one of my favorites.

After browsing @Coffee_Dad‘s feed for a few seconds, you’ll quickly see that the premise of this parody account is that it’s a dad who is absolutely obsessed with coffee, but isn’t exactly technologically savvy, and is very confused by hashtags. Sometimes he puts a hashtag after a word, which is both silly and hilarious. On the day he joined Twitter, he tweeted 11 times about getting coffee.

Screen Shot 2013-11-11 at 4.02.05 PM

For a little over a full month, that’s all he ever tweeted about. Making coffee. Drinking coffee. Running out of coffee. Buying more coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. You’re probably thinking, “That’s moderately funny, but gets old really fast.” True. But out of nowhere, on April 3 2012, Coffee Dad threw a curveball that nobody could’ve seen coming.

Wait, what? Then he went right back to tweeting about coffee like it was no big deal.

17 days later, he sent another tweet that under any other circumstances would be wildly depressing, but instead is hilarious.

He will also randomly reply to followers, but his answers don’t make any fucking sense, and he usually just says “sometimes.” Here are the rest of his incredible greatest hits…

@Coffee_Dad now has over 90,000 followers. Sure, it’s probably just a weird parody account that was created by a guy with the intention of only tweeting about coffee as a joke, who then realized he was building a huge following and decided to throw a hilarious twist on the whole thing, but I like to pretend it’s all real. That somewhere out there is a dad who has been driven mad by grief, and the only way he can cope with the loss of his son is by tweeting about coffee all day every day.

I like my humor dark, like @Coffee_Dad likes his coffee.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.

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