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I keep close tabs on Larry David’s daughter, Cazzie. Not in the I’m-going-to-find-you-and-wear-your-skin-as-a-coat way, but in the you-seem-to-have-it-together-and-crush-life way. After all, her Instagram is the most basic Instagram of all-time, and I say that in the nicest way possible. She’s always living the luxurious life I’ve always dreamed of living with a constant stream of mimosas and trips abroad. Looks dope as hell in all the right ways.
But it’s recently come to light that she might have a new dude in her life, and it’s no one that I ever would’ve expected — Pete Davidson, the 22-year-old cast member of Saturday Night Live. Yesterday, he posted an Instagram of himself canoodling with her.
Just look at that grin. That’s the grin of a dude who just hit the damn jackpot. As if that wasn’t enough, she posted a video of the two planking at the gym today, while also having a thumb war. It was so fucking cute that it made me want to throw up.
Usually I hate couples. Especially famous couples that whore themselves out online. Not these two, though. I’ve never been more jealous in my entire life of this Pete fucking Davidson guy. Not because he’s dating a rich, pseudo-famous girl who can ride on the coattails of Seinfeld‘s syndication for the rest of her life. I’m jealous because this guy has the opportunity of a lifetime in potentially having Larry David as his father-in-law which has to be in the draft picks for top father-in-law figures in the world. Screw Dustin Johnson having Wayne Gretzky, that’s peanuts. Imagine sitting at a dinner table on Thanksgiving shooting the shit with LD while he rants away about how the sweet potatoes are too mushy and the turkey is dry. You wouldn’t even have to say a word and it’d be the greatest meal you ever had. But now that Cazzie is dating Davidson, all bets are off. The dream is dead.
Oh well. Just going to have to live vicariously through the two on Instagram while watching Curb reruns and Larry David as Bernie Sanders. .
Image via Instagram
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Good for him. Dude’s dad died in 9/11. Deserves everything great he gets.
Died rescuing people. Was a firefighter and first responder.
He also put Kevin from The League in his place for lying about being in the WTC on 9/11. Good for him.
Why would you lie about shit like that?
Xavier Alvarez lied about being awarded the medal of honor, some people are just really shitty and have no respect
“Hey can we see your medal?”
-Oh, it’s getting polished at the jewelers.
“You’ve been saying that for almost a year now…”
-…How ’bout this weather?
I don’t know who I’m more jealous of honestly
PS Can you imagine this NYT wedding announcement