Remember when Landon Donovan showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl?

“There’s a choo choo and it tickled my florist…”

Parker Mantell has a stutter. He gives an incredible speech about why none of that matters. Despite his disorder, he’s worked for the US House Majority Leader, Department of Homeland Security and Marco Rubio. “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

This town, is a make you town.

Quite profound.

Matthew McConaughey is a dick turd.

Oh, internet.

Incredible. The action starts at the 1:20 mark. From Pitman High in Turlock, California. The kid obviously won. He’s gonna kill it at weddings.

I’ve never heard of Merrimack College, but if it spawns alumni that can create something as epic as the “Dayman” musical while huffing paint, I will send all of my future offspring there. A banquet of Milksteak (boiled hard) and Jellybeans (served raw, of course) followed the commencement.