Not as bad as Paul Dunne on the second tee, but not good either.

You can tell me I’m more likely to get killed by a toaster — I don’t care. I’m not getting in the ocean.

Just like we learned in Drivers Ed: “Always be on the look out for falling jets.”

The tunnel was more sophisticated and high-tech than the jail.

Three Hall-of-Famers right here.

“We’d start off with some fabulous food, a little fabulous conversation, with a fabulous foot massage for an evening of total fabulosity.”

–Real human words spoken by the man later known as Don Draper.

My new favorite drinking game.

Come on, guys. Do better.

My favorite anecdote is the Minnesota Twins fan with cancer who the Twins threatened in their attempt to strong-arm the Twin Cities for a new ballpark.

Aim for the bushes.