You don’t know evil till you meet a bathroom whistler. PGP.

Bad girl gone good. PGP.

Zoloft is the new Adderall. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

The biggest decision of my day is when to have my second cup of coffee. PGP.

Swiping left on the hot 21-year-olds just to spare myself the rejection. PGP.

Using unexpected birthday money on Tupperware and bath towels. PGP.

When being itchy means it’s time to wash your sheets again. PGP.

My roommates walked in on me masturbating this morning. I live with my parents. PGP.

I really need to take my suit to the dry cleaners, but then I wouldn’t have anything to wear to work for a few days. PGP.

Scratch offs and lottery tickets seem like my only hope. PGP.

Ignoring the heart palpitations from your morning coffee. PGP.