Breaking Down The Motivational Quotes Found Around My Office

======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====

While sitting in my office’s break room this afternoon scarfing down my bagged lunch while I had the time to do so, I gazed upon a poster on the wall I had seen and read no less than 74 times since being hired. The poster has an image of a river at dusk, with a couple of trees and rocks covered in a recent snowfall. The rock formation in the background is glowing red from the setting sun and there is a projection of a shadow cast by a mountain the sun must be setting behind. The poster reads:

Imagination: Some men see things as they are and say, ‘why?’ I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘why not?’ – George Bernard Shaw

As I sat there snacking on my baby carrots, I couldn’t help but admire how beautiful the scenery the poster portrayed was. And yet, how very dumb that quote is. Maybe I am too literal and my negativity pushes me to tear these things apart but when you get down to it, these quotes are just bogus. I am not ever coming out of a dream in which I was going stroke for stroke with Dustin Johnson and thinking “Why not?” I wake up and move on with my life because it’s a fucking dream and it’s not reality. Dreams are for liberal arts majors and free-lance bloggers. Bear in mind “dream” is not synonymous with “goals.” Goals are important but they should not be lofty, non-sensical, impossible tasks. They should be SMART. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound. Let’s be real, people.

Every corporate office in the world has similar pieces of motivational wisdom lining their walls. The thing is, all they are is one buzz word followed by a bunch of jargon. Here I am going to select a few of the more nauseating examples to break down for your entertainment. The theme is listed first followed by the “motivational” quote.

Potential: “Look past the exterior, and see that there is so much more within. Then decide to unleash that potential to the fullest.” – Lincoln Patz

I’m sorry, but I am a man of integrity. What you see is what you get. I’m not hiding anything here, boss. I imagine this gem hanging on a senior partner’s wall at some big law firm where it is meant to be interpreted as “Give everything you have to this company, and then keep giving until you are nothing but a shell of your former self. You have no idea how depressing your life will become after a decade of 100-hour weeks.”

Motivation: “Don’t Get Discouraged…It is often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock”

Unless you are a janitor, you are most likely not carrying around dozens of keys. If you have not taken the time to organize your personal keys into some sort of system, you deserve to fail over and over again. That’s not being motivated. That is insanity.

Ambition: Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.

Excuse me, but how the hell are you supposed to know where you’re going if your staring directly up at the sky? That is putting an unnecessary amount of risk on myself to trip and fall. One of the major concepts in a successful business is mitigating risk. That’s a very well-known concept which the author has failed to grasp. Thanks for the tip to obey the laws of gravity though. I think I’ve got that one down.

Obstacles: Obstacles are things a person sees when takes his eyes off his goal. -E. Joseph Cossman

Here we are again with the head in the clouds mentality. No, sir. Obstacles are part of everyday life. They are necessary to grow. If you aren’t acknowledging a problem, you are most likely choosing to overlook it for fear of addressing it.

Possibilities: The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we become. – Ben Herbster

WRONG. The greatest waste in the world is ruining a perfectly good pizza by putting pineapples on it and I’ll not be convinced otherwise.

Break Free: Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless. – Jamie Paolinetti

We’ve found the jackpot. The mother-load of bullshit. This is the stuff that parents tell their children before they grow up and realize for themselves how the world actually works. Fun fact, this guy is in the theatre business. Go figure. What a bunch of bologna. .

18

Respond

Email this to a friend

Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Cush

Mainer born and raised. Boston sports. Miller Lites. Let's get drunk and eat chicken fingers.

• @207Cush