======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I’m no expert when it comes to dating. I’ve never claimed to be. Sure, I’m good at going on dates and have no qualms with asking a stranger I just met out for drinks. But usually after around three or four of those social interactions with the same person, it doesn’t seem to stick. Either I lose interest or they lose interest, we both go our separate ways and don’t really speak to each other again aside from a drunken FaceTime at 2:00 a.m. or a “Sup?” text with the confetti effects.
With all of that in mind, I’ve come to realize that once you start dating someone more frequently and are on the verge of entering a new relationship, there are 5 conversations that will be had to determine whether or not it will work. I’m not talking about your basic surface-level deal breakers. This is where you both show your true colors and truly decide if you could be right for each other. Some are serious, some less so, but all are important. Let’s take a look.
The “What drugs do you do?” Talk
Now, granted, it won’t always be phrased like that. Plus, it’s 2017. We’re all open minded people looking to get a little faded. But at the same time, wouldn’t you want to know how this person gets down? Depending on who you are, there’s a huge difference between smoking a bowl to start the day and doing lines of blow in the bathroom of a bougie club. If you’re not able to handle that person’s vices, it may be time to call it quits.
The “Wild Years” Talk
At some point, it’s going to come up. I know that I’ve got some skeletons in my closet (which are really hard to hide because half of them are on this site), and I’m pretty sure you do too. The question is, how do they compare? If my idea of “wild” is you idea of “tame,” then we might have an issue. I don’t want you to think I’m lame, you don’t want me to think you walked into this bar straight out of a 50 Cent music video.
What sucks about this is that if it’s not handled the right way, you might start changing aspects about yourself to try to impress the other person. Maybe you’ll start going out and becoming more of a shit show to try and show this person you can hang with them, when all along they were interested in you because you kept them grounded. Once you hit that point, it may be a good idea to re-hash this one.
The “Exes” Talk
Oh, yeah. I have a love-hate relationship with this one. Nobody ever really wants to talk about their exes, but it’s a necessary evil. Like it or not, if you were in a relationship with someone for long enough to call them an ex, then they probably had an effect on who you are today.
I love talking about the other person’s exes because human behavior fascinates me, and I want to learn more about the person who fucked you up a few years (or months) ago. I hate talking about my exes because no matter what, I still try to make excuses for their behavior, which is not a good look when you’re trying to jump into a relationship. Tread lightly.
The “What do you want?” Talk
Let’s be clear: I’m not talking about defining the relationship. That’s a whole other thing. I’m talking about what you want out of life. Do you want kids? Marriage? Corner office overlooking the city? Do you want to stay in the city or move out to the suburbs? Or do you not want any of those things? Would you be content living a simple life as a bartender in a beach town out west?
Think of all of your answers to those questions. Now, try to start a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in any of them. Better yet, try to start a relationship with someone who wants most of them, but won’t budge on the one that’s most important to you. That shit sucks, and you’re put in a position where you have to decide whether or not you should go for it.
The “What do you call me?” Talk
In fairness, this is the one that leads into defining the relationship. You meet up with your date at the bar, and you’re planning on introducing them to your friends for the first time. What do you call them? Are they your girlfriend? Your friend? Do you just go with their name and assume that your friends will put the pieces together?
Better yet, what if they were thinking you would call them something different? You introduce them as your girlfriend when they didn’t think you were there yet? Maybe this is a better conversation to have before introducing them to your friends.
With all of this being said, maybe sometimes it’s best to just be yourself. Don’t try to shape your answers to what you think the other person wants. If they don’t like it, they can fuck off. On to the next..
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
@therescharlie
@herescharlie
herescharlie
I’ve founding asking “am I your first” tends to bode fantastically
Politics is also tough. I once had a girl end things with me after like 7 dates because I wasn’t fond of Obama while she and her family basically worshipped him.
Super underrated comment. People tend to think that this is due to how polarized things have become, but the cause actually stems from the fact that politics have begun to permeate more and more aspects of daily life. No one takes a break from it now. Dealing with the constant presence of issues that could cause conflict makes it increasingly difficult to spend an inordinate amount of time with someone who can’t stand the other side.
Little bit of both I’d say.
Huge problem in america is how you have politicised culture
Asking someone about how many people they’ve slept with is bad news man. Learned it the hard way in the past, and I doubt I’ll ever ask again. It gets to your head too man. Chasing Amy.
This. I had 0 intentions of ever asking my current gf, because I’ve learned from the past that I’d just rather not know. She brought it up because she wanted to make sure she was honest with me and it fucked with me a little. I’ve since gotten over it and honestly couldn’t care less at this point, but it was definitely something I would have rather not dealt with in the first place.
This just gave me the worst scaries of my life.
The “Why Are You Wearing My Panties On Your Head Every Time I Come Home From Work” Talk
But how does one get a first date to get to these 4th and 5th dates…
A guy once called me his girlfriend in front of his family without warning. I quickly corrected him and said I wasn’t his girlfriend. Very awkward after that.
Bummer
That happened to me one. Except I’m a guy and the girl called me her boyfriend in front of her family. I felt so uncomfortable that I just played along with it and then we “broke up” a week later.
Classier move
These give me anxiety. After 6 years in a relationship I’m glad the only question left for me to ask her is “how am I wrong about so much?” and for her to ask me is “how can someone’s shit smell so bad for so long?”
Dates 4, 5 and beyond are by far the toughest. The first few are easy.
You seem to have forgotten the “Are you ready to financially support me?” conversation.