Third-wheeling is the most fun you can have with a couple with your pants on. Not that I’m encouraging swinger nocturnal activities—I’ve never heard of that working out very well for anybody, and I wouldn’t recommend getting in the middle of that potential mess. But I digress. The fact of the matter is, I don’t see why there is such a stigma attached to third-wheeling. Yes, I enjoy going out with the guys to get drunk and meet undergrad girls for strictly platonic nostalgic purposes (I’m still in my twenties so it’s age-appropriate), but I thoroughly enjoy going out with my friends in relationships as well.
First of all, when third-wheeling, you generally get to set the itinerary as the “single person.” Your job as the single person is to let your friend-couple relive single life vicariously through you while they still get to go home with each other at the end of the night regardless of what you do. No one expects you to pull weight in the Discovery Channel-esque hunt for members of the opposite sex. If you want to hook up with someone, your friend-couple will happily wing for you, or hold you back if said individual looks like a potential serial killer (or serial castrator #equality). If you just want to get “mom or dad drunk,” they’ll be happy to babysit you and throw your drunk ass in a cab when the night is over.
Secondly, if you are a generally fun, decent person, third-wheeling shouldn’t stop you from having a good time. They’re a couple out with you—they are going to have a good time regardless…if they’re not that couple that always gets drunk and starts screaming at each other. I wouldn’t recommend third wheeling with that couple. If you go to a bar with live music and start drunk dancing with a stranger, they’re going to dance with each other right alongside you. They’ll sing bar songs with you. They’ll listen to your entertaining single stories. They’ll love every fucking minute of it, and, most importantly, they’ll look out for you. A good friend-couple are like a mom and dad who won’t judge you when you get piss-ass drunk. As long as they get you home alive, they’re cool with the symbiotic third wheel friendship. If not, you may want to re-evaluate who you pick to be friends.
Speaking of evaluating those with whom you are friends, people who complain about third wheeling are absolutely unbearable, and it’s always that “me me me” crap about being single. Guess what? If you can’t be sincerely happy for someone who in this day and age, when most people are banging randos they met on Tinder without bothering to get to know them, actually found someone they honestly enjoy being with, you are a sad excuse for a human being. It’s especially pathetic if you let that fact stop you from enjoying yourself. Envy is for the weak and insecure.
Enjoy being with your friends. Enjoy the perks of being a third wheel. If you are in any way a fun or decent person, someday you will be part of a friend-couple who will enjoy the antics of another single friend. It’s one of those unique, special friendships that help cure the monotony of this world and make life bearable, and frankly, no one likes to be around the asshole who always complains about their own life without any regard for others. .
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