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Being Poor And Single Is No Way To Go Through Life

Selecting a bottle of wine at a restaurant is the most stressful part of dining out. When you’re staring at the oversized wine menu looking at a bunch of words you can’t pronounce, you try to find the staple words that will get you through – normally, they’ll be simple like sauvignon blanc, merlot, chardonnay, pinot noir, and cabernet. Once you’ve nailed down something you think is acceptable, you have to figure out a way to relay that information to the waiter without simply saying, “The cheapest bottle on the menu.” With hesitance, you choose the second cheapest bottle on the menu which is probably anywhere from $7 to $10 more expensive than the cheapest. You bite the bullet and realize that no matter how hard you try, you’re in for an expensive night.

Dating goes nothing like it does in the movies. No, you’re never going to run through a secret park in New York City together. The Cranberries never play when you’re skipping down the street. And no, not every guy looks like early-90s Tom Hanks or mid-2000s Matthew McConaughey. Largely, dating is a time and money suck that most people get so fed up with that they just get as drunk as possible and hope for the best. While that method is respected nationwide, it can also add up.

Match.com did a survey of a shit-ton of singles across the country analyzing their spending habits finding that the average person spent $1,596 in 2016, with men spending an average of $1,855 and women spending $1,423. Obviously, singles in major metro areas spent more than those in rural areas, with Washington D.C. ($1,788) and New York ($2,069) coming in as heavy-hitters.

When I first saw these figures, I thanked my lucky stars that I’m not currently single. That is, until I started adding things up and realizing that single people actually have it great. It should come as no surprise that hitting the bars in hopes of getting in a conversation with someone you deem acceptable can get expensive weekend-in and weekend-out, but that’s child’s play when you think about everything you don’t have to pay for. Gifts for every holiday, birthday, and anniversary with dinners included? I’ve probably spent my share of $1,855 on those select nights alone. Hell, I’d love to be exclusively spending my money on vodka-sodas served in plastic cups and once-a-month dates that include cheap bottles of wine like the ones mentioned above.

The average number Match came up with include “bar tabs and dating site memberships, but also includes haircuts, manicures and new date outfits; entrance fees to dating events and money spent on matchmakers.” And honestly, you probably shouldn’t be spending any money on memberships or matchmakers (see: here) because dating is just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. Stay on the path of bar tabs and the occasional date.

And a pro tip? Just go with the cheapest bottle on the menu and point to it if you can’t pronounce it – chances are that it doesn’t taste any better or worse than the bottles below it.

[via The Washington Post]

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Will

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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