Don’t Ruin The Bachelorette Party

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Bachelorette parties are one of those highly unnecessary and excessive events in a girl’s life that tend to either cause an exacerbated eye-roll or a smattering of “OMG YAY I’M SO EXCITED!” sentiments from those who happen to be invited. And naturally, I fall into the latter category because I embrace any opportunity to dress up, drink lots, and be around multiple fake dicks.

Despite my love of hot pink party buses and penis straws, it has come to my attention that there are certain courtesies that have been omitted in the planning of the bachelorette parties my friends and I have recently received invitations for.

Think all it takes is a hotel room reservation with some decorations slapped on the wall and a bunch of alcohol for your last fling before the ring to be a success? Try again, ladies.

Here are some things that seem to have become secondary thoughts and need to make their way back into focus when you get put in charge of planning this delightful bridal tradition.

As with planning any group activity, communication is key.

Get that group chat, Facebook event page, or the emailing started early and keep it updated as plans get solidified. You don’t want to be MOH who forces the attendees to text the bride 3 days before go time because you left everyone in the dark on the who, what, when, and where of the celebration.

Are we doing a low-key spa weekend with lots of wine and relaxing? Or are we raging until 4 a.m. every night with lots of oiled up strippers? My wardrobe, my liver, and my wallet would appreciate the advance notice.

Because speaking of money…

Let’s say you have been chatting with the squad and there’s a plan. What should be happening next?

That’s right! Telling everyone how much everything is going to cost beforehand!

Again, don’t wait until a few days before the blessed weekend to drop the bomb that the AirBnB is soo nice and really worth the extra money aka double what you thought a hotel would cost, or that 3 people dropped out after all the reservations and down-payments had been made. And then don’t request that I PayPal Tiffany’s sister my portion. It’s 2017 and we have Venmo for a reason.

Addressing prices and cost early in the game will also help you weed out the ladies who simply can’t afford another $500 bachelorette party this year. And those that are committed from the get-go will have budgeted for the event thus not resenting the entire escapade because they were thrown a higher than expected bill merely days before. Wins all around.

Ok, you’ve made it to bachelorette party day! YAY! What could possibly ruin this magical event??

Shitty timing, that’s what.

It shouldn’t have to be said, but make those dinner, party bus, hotel, or boat cruise reservations far in advance and with plenty of time in between activities.

Forgot to request early check in? Hopefully the hotel can move things so you don’t miss your limo pickup time.

Only left two hours to get ready to go out after boating and day drinking? Good luck getting 10 ladies completely made up by the time that dinner reservation rolls around.

Yes, you want to pack in as much fun as possible, but put a little thought and a little extra time into the scheduling. Because keeping a tribe of most likely drunk bitches on track is like herding cats in the dark.

Finally, you’ve made it through the day and it’s time for dinner! You’re about to stuff your face with something delicious before watering it down with all the alcohol you can get your hands on because you’re single and nowhere near getting engaged like your bff bride to be!

And then you realize that the meal you will be oh-so-gracefully vomiting up later on tonight is a $60 steak because the restaurant was chosen by the bride’s pregnant cousin who could care less about the fact that this isn’t a good base for getting wasted.

My friend actually attended a bachelorette party a few weeks ago where this was the less than ideal situation and the bride proceeded to puke 3 times that night and 4 times the next day. A complete waste of what I assume was a lovely meal.

Of course eating before binge drinking is important. But you know what I want after a nice steak dinner? A nap. Nothing about steak and potatoes says “Let’s dance all night long!”

And seriously why am I spending this much money on a meal that odds are won’t remain in my stomach? Let’s have something less expensive so I can focus on shot buying, and a bit more on the lighter side so I have room for the aforementioned shots.

Ladies, this event ideally should only happen once in your friend/sister/future sister-in-law’s life. So step it up, make some actual plans, use your common sense, and give that girl the best weekend of her life that she may or may not remember..

Image via Shutterstock

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Whatever Lola Wants

Outward appearance of being a hot mess with just enough Type A personality to not be a complete disappointment to my parents. Almost as good at avoiding commitment as I am at holding my liquor.

• @LauraMeinert