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Much like how I played Minkus and sucked up to teachers from pre-school to my senior year, I learned at an early age that ensuring your coworkers like you is the best way to get ahead. Your first matter of business at a new job need to be as follows: locate the bathroom, assemble a prime lunch crew, and court a work-wife. If you can figure those things out from the jump, you’ll be styling.
Unfortunately, toxic environments breed toxic work behaviors, so not everyone’s office is going to turn a blind eye just because they like people-watching babes with them while out to lunch.
Per Entrepreneur, there are nine total behaviors that’ll make everyone hate your stinkin’ guts around the office.
1. Gossiping
Workplace gossip doesn’t just destroy relationships. It can be so damning that it’s considered to be a ‘virus’ that is “worse than any flu or bug and will decrease your quality of work, and destroy profits and morale fast if you don’t do some fast treatments.” The reason? Workplace gossip can convert a place of business into a battlefield, where team members are forced to pick sides. Not only does this create a hostile environment, it also eliminates any trust that has been built among colleagues.
I mean, if you’re not gossiping over gchat with “off the record” enabled, what the fuck are you even doing with your free time? Gossiping is powerful as hell in all the best ways, and if you’re not doing it, you’re falling behind. How else are you supposed to get people on your side? By showing up on-time and completing your work to your best abilities? Nah, I’m good.
2. Unreliability
This is one I’ve really struggled with. We’ve all worked with the individual who either is frequently late, can’t attend a meeting because of an emergency, or fails to follow-through on a promise. When you have an unreliable person on the team, it proves to everyone else that they don’t follow through.
Nothing (nothing) is worse than sitting in a meeting or Google Hangout where the person that called it isn’t around to run the meeting. You’re just sitting there with a shitty headset on wondering when the fuck the meeting is going to get started while simultaneously wishing it was like college and you could leave after 15 minutes of a professor not showing up. But then they join the meeting and ask, “Alright, so what’d I miss?” and you contemplate dumping coffee on your computer so you can take a few days off of further meetings.
3. Procrastination
I know a lot of people who do their best work at the last minute. While this may be effective for the individual when working on a solo project, this is not always a good practice, nor fair to the rest of the team who has already completed their part of the project. In a company, we are a team. When there’s procrastination, it forces other team members to scramble on to finalize a project at the last minute. This not only puts unnecessary stress on colleagues and can be a huge let down.
Eh, I’d rather be thought of as the Michael Jordan of my team. Yeah, I’m sick at everything I do, but when you’re under pressure and the clock is running out, you want the ball in my hands. Just feed me atop the arch and let me drain one with a hand in my face. Sure, I’ll probably miss and everyone’ll hate me, but you know what they say — shooters shoot.
4. Bullying
Think back to your childhood. Did you trust the bully? Did you want to be around those kids who treated you poorly and made you feel abused? Of course not. Unfortunately, there are adults who can also be considered bullies. These people can make the workplace uncomfortable for employees — since they don’t feel safe. Even if someone is not the object of the office bully, the negative impact is immeasurable.
Fortunately, when you’re older and everyone becomes saner, everyone knows who the bully is. The dick of your office can only go as far as everyone lets him (or her). And if you decide to buddy up with the victim of the bully’s behavior? Boom, now you’ve got strength in numbers.
5. Lying
We’ve all told a white lie here and there. Whether it’s calling in sick because you would rather go to the beach or claiming that you don’t know how to use a piece of hardware / software, these little white lies seemingly are harmless. And, in some cases, that’s the case. As David Shulman, associate professor at Lafayette College and author of From Hire to Liar: The Role of Deception in the Workplace, says in Bloomberg Businessweek, “They’re really in the interest of getting the job done.”
Honestly? If you’re running five minutes late, just bust in and blame the traffic. But if you’re taking sick days and then tossing up Instagrams of you having a Monday Funday with your bestie? You’re proooooobably getting canned.
6. Saying one thing and doing another
One of the most infuriating occurrences among colleagues is when they promise you something and fail to deliver. For example, if you were building a website and it’s ready to go live, but you’re you’ve been waiting for the copy from a colleague for the last week, wouldn’t you be agitated?
Defining the expectations of something is the easiest way to get what you want. Yeah, it may be difficult for certain people to commit given a black-and-white situation’s nature, but hey, sometimes you need to under-commit and buy yourself a little extra time. It’s better than being the asshole who never follows through.
7. Stealing credit
Let’s keep this one short and sweet. Taking credit for someone else’s work illustrates that you only care about yourself. This selfish act decreases trust and will quickly cause colleagues to turn against you. So, always give the appropriate credit to the person who earned it.
Probably the most agitating of the list. When you dominate a project and feel like walking around the office pounding your chest like the Silverback Gorilla you are, there’s nothing more infuriating than a superior taking credit for the work you just put the hurt on.
8. Addicted to social media but failing to respond to emails
How much time do you spend on social media each day? I bet you it’s four times what you think it is. Prioritize responding to emails and finishing up work before you allow yourself to go on social media… unless you found this article through social media, to which I would say, touche!
There are too many Google Apps and plugins to fail to respond to emails and messages these days. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — people overestimate how long it takes to send an email. If you were raised on Mario Teaches Typing like I was, you probably type more than 50 words per minute. Just take the five minutes to respond immediately and shake yourself of the responsibility. Once the ball is in the other person’s court and you wash your hands of the situation, you’re in the clear.
9. Not being a team player
There are definitely times when working independently can be beneficial — such as completing a report before a deadline. However, you can’t expect to be successful in the workplace by being the “lone wolf.” In fact, being a team player can make you stronger both personally and professionally, as well as realizing that the team goal is more important than any individual goals that you’ve set.
Don’t get me wrong, being the “lone wolf” is awesome. But wolves also roll in packs so just get in the good graces of your office alphas and prepare to reap the benefits.
Oh, and free idea to anyone out there. If you’re working in banking and not going by the Loan Wolf, you’re leaving a lot of money on the table. You’re welcome. .
[via Entrepreneur]
Image via YouTube
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
Concerning the emails, pro tip: I almost always write my response right away, but then use send later and push it anywhere from 10 minutes to a couple of hours depending on the urgency of the email. Makes me look productive all day, but also doesn’t make it an expectation that I am immediately available, which is nice when I’m actually not.
Incredible
Thank god for Mario teaches typing.
Don’t bring fish for lunch. And sure as shit don’t microwave it.
Worked with a health nut who put leftover tilapia and broccoli in the microwave every fucking day. She was despised.
Will, who you Gchat gossiping with/about at the Grandex office?
I know you gotta play the game for a long time before you get rewarded but I just wanna reach the lone wolf status where I just walk into board rooms and say shit like “I had a dream that our new phone will solve world hunger and AIDS” and then yell “go make that happen!” While wearing the same black turtle neck everyday to my company that profits more than the entire budget of our military.
10. Replying to all:
Just don’t
People who copy your colleagues/superiors on emails that have absolutely nothing to do with them is the most annoying thing anyone can do.
Gonna start exclusively referring to myself as the “Loan Wolf” to the ladies on weekends now
And don’t whistle at your desk.
Good list. Lying and saying one thing but doing another must dos but need to be used sparingly. Also, I’d say appearing to be a team player but being a team player. Let’s be honest, no I in team.
10: don’t get caught…