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ARE YOU READY FOR SOME BASEBALL? I sure as hell am. I’m ready for this horrible winter to be over so I can get some cheap seats in the bleachers of my obnoxious New York baseball team’s stadium I root for, just so I can enjoy me a lazy afternoon of chilling and watching America’s pastime. The best part about baseball season being right around the corner is the return of ballpark food. Ice cream helmets, hot dogs, chicken tenders, garlic fries, the Shake Shack at Citi Field — my body is ready.
Well, every year it seems like baseball teams are trying to one-up each other with ridiculously delicious looking (and artery clogging) concessions, and the Arizona Diamondbacks are once again changing the ballpark snack game forever. Remember last year’s “D-Bat Dog,” which was a $25, 18-inch corn dog stuffed with cheddar cheese, jalapeños, and bacon? Well, they went and did it again for the 2015 season. Introducing: the Churro Dog.
Shazam! Now that’s a dessert.
The Churro Dog, announced on ESPN.com yesterday as the team’s signature concession item this year, is a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a Long John chocolate glazed doughnut, topped with frozen yogurt, caramel sauce, and chocolate sauce. And it’s only going to run you $8.50. Try to contain your excitement — I know I can’t.
“We’ve found that desserts work really well in the heat we have here,” team president and CEO Derrick Hall told ESPN.com of the estimated 1,117-calorie treat. Now, if you’re a fat bastard like I am, you might be asking yourself, “Why frozen yogurt? I want full-flavored ice cream, dammit!”
Hall said that the fro-yo option had nothing to do with calorie consciousness. Diamondbacks team chef Michael Snoke “thought it tasted better than ice cream. Plus, using frozen yogurt is easier to execute on the spot at the game.”
I don’t believe the first half of that sentence at all, but I’d say these guys know what they’re doing when it comes to over-the-top concessions. They sold almost 10,000 of those $25 corn dogs last year, so they must be doing something right. However, they might want to consider this suggestion from Arizona Cardinals cornerback Patrick Peterson:
“@Dbacks: New to Chase Field this year: the Churro Dog. pic.twitter.com/42Wsu5Iuhv”<- Do you have to sign a waiver before you consume?
— Patrick Peterson (@RealPeterson21) March 4, 2015
Sounds like I may need to head out to Arizona to catch a game this year. Or maybe I’ll just put my affairs in order, eat one of those D-Bat Dogs, wash it down with a Churro Dog, and wait for the Grim Reaper to take me to hell..
[via ESPN]
Image via Instagram / mlbfood
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While I was hoping to save this question for the #GreatSteakDebate AMA #LiveTweet, I will address it now because I believe in having a clear and open relationship with my constituents. You, the readers, are the ones who make everything happen here at Grandex. However I do not wish to #FireJayTas. I have a #KeepJayTasAround #HesOk stance on this issue. While I do not believe this is the popular opinion, I will offer Jay Tas a full presidential pardon for this article https://pgparchive.wpengine.com/the-racists-getting-fired-tumblr-is-like-watching-karma-unfold-in-real-time/ and delete this stain of an article tarnishing his writing reputation upon my election into office. However he will also be placed on a probationary period upon my election, to which if he violates his sworn oath not to produce shitty articles he will be tried for treason and sentenced to the #FireJayTas movement. I believe he truly regrets the article. A wise man once said, “Let he who is without Meh’s cast the first stone”
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But is it better than the meat mountain?
Nothing beats the sausage sundae at the Ballpark In Arlington (I refuse to call it Globe Life)
Diabetes never looked so tempting.
Although the Diamondbacks are horrendous, no ballpark can beat our $4 beers and $1.50 hot dogs.