Yes, I’m alive! I am officially employed and my new job is amazing, but I’ve honestly been so exhausted after work that I’ve been falling asleep on my couch by 7 p.m. every night. However, even with my new long ass hours and shitty commute (supposedly just temporary), I found time to go on a few dates last week and not fall asleep in my wine. Barely. However, at the end of these dates, I noticed a stark contrast to my usual attitude. Instead of thinking, “is he bangable?” I found myself thinking, “would he help me out with the dishes? Would he walk the dogs before bed if I was too tired and fell asleep?”
I’ve found myself thinking a lot about my long term future lately now that I’m finally in a job that I could see myself sticking with for the remainder of my career. Previously, whenever I would hear my coworkers on the phone with their spouses talking about what to do for dinner, I would cringe and think, “ugh, I’m SO glad I don’t have to consult anyone else for their opinion about what to eat!” but now I find myself thinking, “that’s so nice. I would love for someone else to cook or pick up dinner if I was busy at work!”
I also have a work trip coming up and may have some other longer work trips in the course of my new job responsibilities. You know what’s expensive? Being a single dog parent. Having to pay someone to watch my dogs every time I need to go on a trip or vacation is expensive as fuck. If I had a serious long term partner, I would have a built in dog sitter! For free! For that matter, having a second person around would mean I could fly both of the dogs home with me every time I go home for a visit, which would be pretty sweet.
Then there’s the matter of finances. I love my apartment and my life, but DC ain’t cheap and that means I spend a solid 50% of my paycheck on rent. The rest goes to student loans, credit card bills that I racked up in grad school while I was struggling to survive without loans, and alcohol. Savings? Hah. What a funny joke! If I had a second income contributing to everyday life stuff, I could pay off all of my loans in no time. Hell, I could probably even get a nicer apartment.
Lastly, there’s the appeal of consistently getting laid. Do you guys have any idea how much time and energy a girl has to put into getting laid? I don’t mean at the bar itself- we all know we can look at a guy the right way and seal the deal. I mean all the prep that comes before that, which I’m pretty sure men just assume magically happens or is natural. There’s the gym time, the expensive AF skincare regimen, the “natural” makeup, the outfits, the accessories, the waxing, the shaving, the time spent engaging in meaningless conversation on dating apps… if I had a long term partner, I could stay home in my Princess Leia onesie re-watching Game of Thrones at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday night and STILL get laid.
Reading back on all of my reasoning, I’m still not sure if what I’m describing is a long term romantic partner or a butler. When one of my coworkers suggested I branch out from apps and try more relationship-oriented sites like Match and eHarmony I almost had a panic attack at the “seriousness” that seemed to imply. Am I ready to settle down? I honestly don’t know. I do know I’m ready to have someone help me pay the bills and take care of my dogs and clean my apartment, so if you know of anyone willing to do all of those things for free, please encourage them to slide into my DMs immediately..
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