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I consider myself to be two things: rather well-traveled and decently fashionable. I’ve seen a lot of the world: our fellow North American countries, some of South America, a good chunk of Europe, and, because I’m a fucking patriot, a bunch of cities in the U.S. In terms of the latter…sure, my entire current wardrobe comes from Old Navy, but that’s because I’m too cheap to buy expensive clothes when they get too big relatively quickly. Even so, I do keep up with fashion and try to duplicate the looks with whatever is available for under twenty bucks-a-piece.
Anyway, if you follow me on Twitter (please), you know that I’m currently in Spain, and I’m learning a lot of new things: IKEA here has a grocery store in it, there’s a place called Dunkin’ Coffee that does sell donuts (so I’m not sure why the fuck it’s not just called Dunkin’ Donuts), and jorts are super in.
For a long time, jean shorts were a total fashion faux pas, but over the last few years they’ve come back into fashion, with short versions being worn by girls on the festival circuit and Kim Kardashian rocking knee length pairs everywhere from a late-night pizza run to the movies with Kanye to New York Fashion Week. Yet, they have still remained off-limits for dudes, relegated to the back of the closet with the much-maligned cargo shorts.
Well, that’s not the case here in Espana; I’m seeing dudes everywhere here rocking jorts. Not the baggy, below-the-knee ones of yesteryear, but close-fitting, at-the-knee cuffed versions such as these:
Note that the last photo is what appears to be a bunch of high schoolers in Colorado. Does that mean that we post-grads are falling behind on the trend? Should we follow the example of Spanish men and Colorado teenagers and embrace dudes in jorts? After spending several days eying guys wearing the trend, I have to answer this question with a resounding “yes.”
Most ladies will admit that there is nothing better than a guy with a great ass wearing a nice fitting pair of jeans, so it only stands to reason that the same applies to a well-fitting knee-length version, with the bonus of a well-defined calf not being covered by denim. Of course, certain parameters do apply. The length must be just right; too short and you look like your auditioning to star in a cowboy porn and too long makes you look like a reject from ’90s one-hit-wonder Kriss Kross…and that is not a look that makes me want to Jump Jump. The fit is also important; too tight screams “Hey, look at my junk!” and too loose does not flatter your caboose. The ideal look is right at the knee and well-fitting, as in the examples above.
So here’s what I’m taking away from Spain: jean shorts on guys are hot when done right. So let’s stop shitting on jorts and bring back Bermuda-length denim britches for dudes. You can still leave those cargo shorts in the back of your closet though – those aren’t ever coming back..
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
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All I remember from my time in Europe is smoking hot European ladies with a ton of weird-looking, super skinny dudes who looked like they were trying to be chicks.
If you had ever traveled to Florida you would know that Jorts have never left. Still no jorts allowed at Mar-a-Lago.
Those guys actually go to Montana State. The Jackrabbits they’re referring to as having little dicks are South Dakota State, who kicked their ass in Bozeman. This has been this week’s episode of Midwestern schools no cares about.
I can deff see Will wearing jorts when they go on the douchebag bar crawl in Chicago
I barely wear jeans as it is so wearing jorts would just be stupid.
The moral of the story is that hot people can pull off what the rest of us can’t. What’s the point of wearing jorts if you look better in something else?
Speaking of fashion, I need advice. I’m wanting to wear my fanny pack when I travel but the fiancé claims it makes me look like a goober. How does the deal closer community feel about fanny packs?
You’re asking to be robbed if you wear one.
Oh I’m less concerned with being robbed and more concerned with looking good
They seem to becoming more popular. I’ll second the robbery comment.
It’s a no from me. If you insist, just buy one of those running belts that holds a phone, wallet, cash, keys etc tight to the body
Speaking from someone who has been robbed (really more jumped than robbed), this is false. You wear it in the front under your shirt. It’s not noticeable and it makes it impossible to get pick-pocketed.
Thieves know who the tourists are regardless, and (if they can even see it at all) the front fanny pack shows you’re prepared.
*robbed/jumped multiple times. Each time during which I was sans-fanny pack.
I can’t comment on the fashion aspect but my advice is that if you wear one while traveling to Australia, NZ, or the UK please do not walk around calling it a fanny pack.
Just wear khakis and button the back pocket, most would be pick pockets run off of you notice them (speaking from experience in Spain)
Also visiting Spain. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out!
I hate it.
I see what you’ve been doing here you piece of shit. when you take that bullshit cryptic code sequence in your comment and convert it to binary code, it represents a message in English that reads “Suck Satan’s cock, sell your soul to him. God is money and money is God, money is backed by nothing but faith now and it will be valued most by the faithless”
I… don’t follow the process here.
Dude