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It’s upon us. The TFM Cruise is less than a week away. And while some are packing their bags and making sure they don’t forget sunscreen, I’m scouting who will be the trip’s MVP, LVP, and everything in between. The best way to do so? A SWOT Analysis.
For those unfamiliar with the art of performing a SWOT Analysis, it’s simple — you write down everyone’s strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats as they pertain to the situation at hand.
Let’s not waste any time as there are a lot of people to breakdown.
Dillon
VP of Media (@RogerJDorn)
Strengths: Recent gym change has added noticeable gains, luxurious hair, naturally tan, unaffected by hangovers.
Weaknesses: Age.
Opportunities: Could very well become best friends with Brody Jenner, might genuinely enjoy his first experience listening to EDM.
Threats: Onboard casino could drain his funds early, might get out-chilled by Will deFries.
Dan
Writer, Content Manager — TFM (@Dan_Regester)
Strengths: Has been working out for months to prove TFM readers that he’s not fat, single, has recently updated his wardrobe to include more button downs than tank tops.
Weaknesses: Would rather be in gym than at pool, has two skeptical tattoos.
Opportunities: Bonding over Philly with Lil’ Dicky.
Threats: 24/7 All-you-can-eat buffet could possibly be the undoing of his labor at the gym.
Jared
Writer, Content Manager — TFM (@DevryGuy)
Strengths: Claims to have never blacked out, still has his college drinking abilities, great calves.
Weaknesses: First unveiling of his blogger body sans golf shirt.
Opportunities: Well-versed casino connoisseur, Jewish brethren of Lil’ Dicky.
Threats: Having to take care of Boosh.
Boosh
Writer, Content Manager — TFM (@BooshTFM)
Strengths: Shameless personality, won’t have an Uber to pass out in while on boat.
Weaknesses: Always looks drunk, scared of being recognized as a writer for TFM.
Opportunities: Every open bar on the boat.
Threats: Unable to rip cigs on boat, Jared cramping his style, spent previous weekend in New Orleans.
Rob
Director of Video Content, Senior Writer (@BaconTFM)
Strengths: Can somehow still party like he’s in college, can literally talk about anything with anyone.
Weaknesses: Pink skin, Irish heritage.
Opportunities: Beaucoup video content with drunk EDM fans, can wake up and keep drinking after sleeping on 20 Bud Lights.
Threats: The sun, Irish heritage, himself.
DVD
Director of Video Production
Strengths: Sun-kissed blonde hair, bougie island persona, head-to-toe wardrobe.
Weaknesses: Forced to be behind the lens the entire trip, has to keep track of Rob and Boosh.
Opportunities: Early pass out potential of Rob and Boosh, seems well-versed in island house music.
Threats: “Can you record me doing this?” — Everyone on cruise.
Veronica
Director of TSM (@VeronicaRuckh)
Strengths: Has had wardrobe planned since Thanksgiving, Instagram game strong as hell, single.
Weaknesses: Cries a lot, only drinks wine, hates gambling.
Opportunities: Lil’ Dicky on international waters.
Threats: Other girls vying for Lil’ Dicky.
Rachel V.
Writer, Content Manager (@yeah_okay_what)
Strengths: “While the cat’s away, the mice will play” mentality, UCF partying experience, mentally strongest member of TSM.
Weaknesses: Hates everyone/everything, will spend entire trip missing her puppy and Netflix.
Opportunities: Bond with other puppy owners, people needing fire Instagram captions.
Threats: Spotty WiFi for said Netflix when hungover.
Cristina
Writer, Content Manager (@crismontyy)
Strengths: Tiny, can fit anywhere, perpetually tan.
Weaknesses: Tiny, will be hard to find should she fall off ship.
Opportunities: Easy to crowd surf, knows other Tyga songs besides “Rack City” so they can bond over Kylie Jenner.
Threats: Firey attitude may catch other cruise-goers off-guard, hates anyone older than 23, choppy waters and undertow.
Rachel P.
Intern (@rachelpage_)
Strengths: Still in college, somehow actually enjoys EDM, graphic tee-shirts, will do anything for the likes.
Weaknesses: Will ask cruise’s DJ to play Britney Spears on repeat, youngest person on staff.
Opportunities: Has partied with The Chainsmokers before, seasoned musical festival experience will lead to opportunities other’s won’t see.
Threats: The rest of Grandex being too old to hang.
Will
Writer, Editor, Content Manager — PGP (@willdefries)
Strengths: Relaxed wardrobe, visor game strong, lives for vacations, pre-gamed with Christmas in Mexico, tans immediately after getting sunburnt, nicknamed “Chill deBreeze.”
Weaknesses: Age, physique, enjoys sugary Miami Vices maybe too much.
Opportunities: Designed first ever promotional poster for The Chainsmokers, rooming with Dillon.
Threats: Will drop phone in pool/sea/anywhere at some point during trip.
For all the info on TFM Spring Break, head to www.tfmspringbreak.com. .
Image via Inception At Sea
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
Making SWOT analyses for situations that require no such thing. PGP
The reason they make 80 spf is so people like bacon can go on a cruise.
Bacon looks like my grandma if she had a penis.
After watching the queso debacle I conservatively set the chances of wills phone in the pool at 10/10
I was really hoping no one actually saw that.
Oh boy I can’t wait to read articles about pina coladas, bikni-laden girls and live music performances while I slave away in my cubicle hoping to save up enough pto to visit my grandma in Florida this summer
Well this is depressing
That moment you realize “no, no I do not get to go on Spring Break anymore.”
“Spring break eh? Let me check my PTO”
Must be nice.
It still kills me that you guys got “top EDM” talent — is that just a Spotify playlist?
This is giving me such bad FOMO
I’m holding out for a 5 forces analysis of the collegiate cruise industry.
No cigs? Weak