As “that bitch in charge of Human Resources,” (yeah, I overheard that, Greg), I feel the need to address the day after Thanksgiving. I’ve heard the scuttlebutt around the office about the fact that we’re open on Friday and you know what? I agree – it seriously sucks. You think I want to be here? Of course not, but I’m new and haven’t accrued enough vacation time to take today off, so I’ll be stuck here with all of you low-level plebeians. At least I can take solace in the fact that I’m senior management, so I sure as hell won’t be in on this day ever again.
But back to you. No, you can’t all have the day off because someone has to be here to answer the client calls we likely will not be getting. Per company policy, it’s up “to the discretion of your manager” whose vacation days are approved and whose are not. Right about now, you should be regretting that time your manager, Sandra, asked you to stay an hour late and you didn’t because you had to go home and sit on your ass. Pretty sure Sandra didn’t forget and she’s holding it against you now. It pays to be a team player, friends.
So let’s talk about how it’s going to go down in the office on Friday. I’m not a moron; I know you’re going to try and slide by doing as little work as possible. I know all of your tricks because I’ve employed all of them myself, and while I should say don’t try pulling any of that bullshit on me, the fact of the matter is that I really don’t give a crap what the hell you do. So let’s make a deal, shall we? You show up for work sometime around the time you’re supposed to, because I don’t want to have to spend my day writing attendance warnings, and in return, I’ll let you online shop and/or watch college football on your computer in peace. Deal? I’ve even convinced the bosses to let us order in pizza as a “reward” for working. I realize that’s a pretty shitty reward, but I figured it was a good idea, since all the restaurants in the office park are closed.
Bottom line: you’re going to be here on Friday, since you spent Thursday with your family eating turkey and pie, while celebrating how we stole the country from Native Americans.
Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
The HR Lady .