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Anonymous bar farting is an epidemic that hasn’t been properly addressed by politicians or world leaders. While I don’t think it’s particularly nice or polite to assault fellow drinkers with whatever the hell you ate for lunch, at the end of the day we’ve all been there. And everyone seems to justify it when they do it. It’s the classic “This is only okay when I do it” mantra that your parents used to tell you about.
A bar is the perfect place to crop dust the shit out of people if you really feel like you need to let one rip. Why relieve yourself in a nasty bar bathroom (the bar dump, by the way, is usually not a fun experience) when there’s a perfectly good space with people standing really close to each other?
While I think it’s totally acceptable to do so (you’re a liar if you tell me you’ve never farted in a bar), one couple did not take kindly to a particularly rancid fart that found its way into their nostrils at Sloppy Joe’s Bar in Key West. A couple in their 50s said they got caught up in a fight after another couple confronted them about a fart.
“The couple said they were drinking with friends at the bar when one woman traded words with an unidentified woman before getting out of her seat and confronting her in “an aggressive manner,” police said.”
Listen, if you need to fart when you’re sitting at the bar waiting for the bartender to look your way, fine. It’s an unspoken agreement. A social contract we all sign when we enter a bar. You run the risk of getting crop dusted. That’s just how it goes. So if it does happen to you, you can’t go up to whoever you think broke wind and get in a fist fight over it. Accept that you’ve been crop dusted and move on with your life. Those Miller Lites aren’t going to drink themselves and that stale beer fart will dissipate in a few minutes anyways..
[via The Miami Herald]
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Silent but deadly’s play a crucial role in the push/pull dominance of bar room floor space. Think of it as a drone strike on an unsuspecting target in the dead of night. These farts are the silent killers in the room. Air ninjas, if you will.
I was crop dusted at the movies Friday night.
Key West is a special place.
And of course it was at Sloppy Joe’s. Hemingway would be proud.
I get a sick satisfaction out of hit-and-running crowds with church house creepers.
Crop dusting asshole bar patrons is far and away the most satisfying of passive aggresions/straight-up aggressions (depending on what you ate)