A Colorado State Park Is Closing Because Trust Fund Hippies Won’t Stop Taking Selfies With Bears

A Colorado State Park Is Closing Because You Trust Fund Hippies Won't Stop Taking Selfies With Bears

I’ll just say it: we’re all scum. I don’t care who you are or what path you lead in life, you’ve taken a selfie. And if given the opportunity, you’d probably take a selfie with a bear in its natural habitat and Snapchat it to all your friends with some dumbass Emoji placed over your dumbass mug.

Well, now a park in Colorado has to shut down because we’re all self-absorbed assholes. Per CNET:

It seems enough of us have been ignoring the common-sense advice to stop taking selfies with large, dangerous wild bears in the background that one popular Denver-area park has taken the serious measure of closing to the public.

“We’ve actually seen people using selfie sticks to try and get as close to the bears as possible, sometimes within 10 feet of wild bears,” Brandon Ransom, manager of recreation for Denver Water, which manages Waterton Canyon recreation area in the foothills outside the city, said in a blog post earlier this month. “The current situation is not conducive for the safety of our visitors or the well-being of the wildlife.”

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. This is all of our faults, guys. We’re too obsessed with Instagram and Snapchat and whatever else is out there.

But, honestly, what is closing the park actually going to do? We as people want to break the rules. The next time this park opens up and we get the chance, yeah, we’ll be dropping selfie bombs left and right with bears in the background. So I propose we keep this park open and let these dumbasses get eaten by these bears. If people are going to act like idiots, we should at least let natural selection make an example out of them. If I’m tuning into the news and I see a bear eating a tourist, you can bet the house that no one will find me with my back turned to a bear while rocking a front-facing camera.

Actually. Maybe that wouldn’t work. I once read a story about a girl who fell off a cliff while trying to take a selfie. And what did I go out and do?

Selfie game was airtight today.

A photo posted by @willdefries on


[via CNET]

Image via Unsplash

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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