A Casual Fling And Being In Love Are Two Very Different Animals

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We’ve all said it during a sexual encounter with someone whom we really shouldn’t have said it to. You didn’t mean for it come out of your mouth, but it was the heat of the moment.

“I love you,” you say into their ear. And for a split second, while your bathing suit parts are still touching, you probably believe it.

How many times has a friend of yours come home from a wild night out and said “This is it, guys. I’m in love?” It happens to me all of the time.

We all have friends who are serial daters. Guys who are constantly in relationships trying to force a genuine connection that isn’t actually there. I usually sit back and watch from afar as the relationship implodes on itself, but these types of people speak to a larger issue that many people have a problem with.

I’ve heard the story a thousand times from men and women alike. You’ve been hooking up with someone for a few weekends in a row, and then one night when you’re both having drunk sex on the couch one party says it to the other party. Those three words strung together are some of the most dangerous in the English language. I love you. I’m shaking my head just thinking about it right now.

This is just about where you can call off any future, because here’s the issue with telling someone you hardly know that you love them — you don’t. Lust, my friends, is not love. I’ve read a million posts on this exact subject before, so I hate to sound like I’m beating a dead horse here.

It’s a mistake that anyone could make. I’d liken it to calling your teacher “mom” during second grade and then kicking yourself for it as the rest of the class laughs at you. Honest mistake.

It’s the same thing that happens when you’re having sex with someone you’re in lust with. You’re actually thinking in the moment something along the lines of “Man…I really do love him/her.”

And then you finish the deed and you’re saying to yourself “What the fuck did I just do?”

“I love you” comes with a lot more baggage than referring to one of your teachers as your mother.

What if that person actually does think you love them? Or even worse – what if you think you actually love that person?

I guess theoretically you could be in love, but come on. In the scenario I’m talking about, you’ve only been seeing each other for a couple weeks at the most.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. You can’t really fall in love with someone without getting to know them, and you certainly don’t tell another human being that you’re in love with them during a drunken romp in the sack.

For centuries men and women have toiled over this subject.

You think you love someone because you have a strong physical connection. You don’t. You’re confusing ejaculation with something much, much heavier than that.

Sex is easy. You can have sex every weekend with some random from the bar, grocery store, or fucking library if you really put your mind to it.

You can’t, however, tell me that you’re in love with every single person you hook up with. That would be psychotic. You’re not in love with someone until you know all of their little idiosyncrasies. Those weird little quirks that make us all individuals.

I’ve said in the past that we’re all just out here looking for love. And that’s true – we absolutely are.

But don’t make the mistake of thinking that sex automatically means love. Don’t get your heart mashed into a million little pieces because you’ve equated the physical act with the emotional one.

Don’t force it, and definitely don’t say it for the first time when you’re mid-stroke. You’ll know when you know..

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Johnny D

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