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The moment I locked eyes on Peter, I knew he was special. His en vogue tooth gap, his perfectly salt-and-peppered hair, and his chiseled jawline that definitely screams, “Yeah, I dabbled in Crossfit for a while and now own my own gym.” You see, Peter isn’t like every other personal trainer from The Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise. He’s special.
Say what you want about Rachel’s runner-up – he’s not ready for commitment, his mindset isn’t right for him to be our next Bachelor, he only applied to be on The Bachelorette as a stepping stone to become the Bachelor (you know, per his yearbook).
But beyond his inexplicable sideburns, faux diamond earring, and goatee that definitely puts out a “I sold shitty weed in high school” vibe lies a multifaceted man about town. Athlete, football player (grades 9 through 12, no big deal), and yes, male model.
For Jos. A. Bank.
Yes, the post grad retailer who often features 70% sales and buy-one-get-twelve free promotions so you can show up to the office every day for two weeks not wearing just one ill-fitting suit, but a dozen more.
I’m not proud of this, but ever since Rachel’s season ended, I’ve been on the prowl to see who will be our next Bachelor. At first, I was positive it was Peter. That is, until he (and ABC) said otherwise. And then, I was sold on it being Wells after his stint as a puppet-wielding bartender on Paradise. But now? I’m back on Peter.
After he and Rachel broke up, I scoured Twitter to find his account only to come up empty-handed. But after Twitter began rumbling today in regard to a possible announcement about Peter? Well, I searched again. And what I found was a recently reactivated account with tweets dating back to 2013. Phenomenal tweets. As Milkbag-In-Chief would say, “The best tweets.” Specifically, the first ever photo Peter posted – him in a Jos. A. Bank advertisement with the hashtags #JosephABank and #livingmydream.
Yes, his dream was to become a model for a clearance rack menswear store found in every strip mall from here to Madison, Wisconsin.
I had no choice but to dig deeper. What I found was that Peter wasn’t only a male model for them in 2013, he was pretty much running the entire damn show when it came to hustling suits for weekend warriors, prom goers, and interns alike. He was absolutely dominating the Jos. A. Bank scene.
Just look at him. Youthful, freshly shaven, clearly not to the point in his life where gains meant as much as they did when he was constantly shirtless on The Bachelorette. Watch the ad for yourself.
Nevermind the fact that this is a barn-burning 70% sale, Peter stole the goddamn show. I don’t need to note that this ad ran around the same time as a buy-one-get-seven suits for free sale where they threw in an Android smartphone, but I want everyone to know that this is the clientele we’re working with here. And Peter is the face of it.
And obviously, I dug deeper only to a find some more, albeit blurry, photos of Peter doing what he does best: looking hot as all hell.
Slim fit and traditional suits for $150 each? Don’t mind if I do.
Get 3 free of equal or lesser value? UH-HUH.
Three suits for the price of one? HUBBA HUBBA.
Chris Harrison has yet to reveal who our next Bachelor is, but just know that if it’s Peter, he got his modest beginnings slinging suits for low prices. What a fox. #livinghisdream .