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Living in an apartment complex can feel like living in a commune. You live in such close proximity to other people that privacy is relative and interpersonal interaction is nearly forced. Luckily for you, there are several ways to flex your muscles and really let your neighbors know who runs this joint. Here are twenty-five ways to raise hell at your apartment complex.
1. Reserve the pool for a party and do not use it, but keep others out of the pool area because you reserved it.
2. Walk around the complex drunk like you own the place in lounge pants with a double scotch.
3. Repeatedly park in the reserved spot right next to your building’s entrance, and when the owner of that spot threatens to tow you, claim “squatter’s rights.”
4. Work out in the complex gym in vintage ‘80s print workout pants.
5. Email random inspirational quotes to the property manager.
6. Watch war movies with your surround sound turned up so that the complex sounds like a war zone.
7. File a noise complaint every time someone plays Pitbull.
8. If you hear your neighbors having sex through the walls, audibly cheer them on.
9. Drive slowly through the gate so the person behind you can’t follow you in.
10. Bring a pitcher of margaritas and a boom box to the pool for a one-person pool party. If anyone tries to talk to you, flip up your sunglasses, look them in the eye, and ask, “Who do you know here?”
11. Find out multiple neighbors’ wireless passwords and max out all their internet data quotas. Name all your devices “DEA Task Force” for when they look to see what other devices are on their network.
12. Paint your apartment door an obnoxiously bright color and ignore all the emails to have it changed back.
13. Put up political campaign signs on your deck, even if it’s not election season.
14. Pee off your deck on weeknights.
15. Introduce yourself to your neighbors as Mike Hunt. If you’re a girl, go with Ivanna Humpelaht.
16. Tell dead baby jokes to your neighbors’ children.
17. Don’t follow recycling and trash rules. Those are for hippies anyway.
18. Set off a stink bomb in the elevator early in the morning so everyone who rides the elevator that day thinks someone cut ass in there.
19. Every week, do some kind of in-apartment renovation project that involves a hammer or power tools. Make sure to do it around bedtime.
20. In the summertime, run around in your underwear with a ski mask and a super soaker and spray random neighbors.
21. Blast “Run This Town” from your car every time you enter or leave the premises.
22. Hand wash your car in the parking lot with your shirt off and tell people that it’s because regular car washes do a lousy job.
23. Install an expensive security system that obnoxiously beeps every time you open or close your door.
24. Hog the elevator when bringing home groceries by taking multiple trips for no reason.
25. Have aggressive sex with your windows open.
Author’s disclaimer: Doing any of these things may result in eviction or legal action against you. I would not recommend any of these…to close friends and family..
Image via Shutterstock
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@5OClockShadow_
Whose wifi has data quotas?
Comcast recently instituted a 300 GB monthly quota. The douche bags.
Some ISPs will either slow your bandwidth or send you a “stop fucking torrent sharing, you asshole” letter if you go above a certain data quotient.
This is basically a list of 25 power moves
I am contractually banned from doing power move columns. PGP
Did anyone else read this as a playbook for clowns who still try to live the frat house lifestyle at 25
Living in the past. PGP.
You’ve done better.