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We’ve read all the articles, and we’ve heard all the statistics. 50% of married couples get divorced, and those odds go up if you cohabitated before tying the knot. It seems like you all think moving in with your significant other before marriage is the world’s worst idea, and honestly, we’re a little over hearing it. I’m from the South, so telling people that I live with my boyfriend is often met with shock and horror. I’m met with a variety of aggressive questions, including:
“What do your parents think?”
“What’s even the point of getting married after this?”
“Are you ever planning on getting married?”
“What happens if you two break up?”
In the minds of many, a couple of broke 22-year-olds getting married after eight months of dating is an event to be celebrated, but moving in with your significant other of over a year when you’re in your mid-to-late 20s is cause for judgment and concern. Everyone has their own opinion that they formed themselves, assuming that we all jumped into these living circumstances without one single, solitary thought in our heads. Although that may be the case for some, that’s certainly not the case for everyone. For those of us who are intelligent individuals, we realized that this plan actually is in our best interests. Before you continue to judge us, let me explain how we came about this decision.
Don’t Beat The Odds, Understand Them
The key word in the title to this article is “intelligent,” and here’s why. Let’s break down these statistics and delve into what they actually mean. Over 50% of all couples get divorced. This number goes up if you lived together before marriage. Living together makes it harder to break up, so instead of breaking up when you can’t stand each other, you stay together out of duty and shared bills, get married, and then break up in a few years when you realize you’ve made a giant mistake. This is what the common person does, not the intelligent one. The intelligent person realizes that there are some things you can only learn about a person through living with them. The intelligent person tests the waters before jumping into a $30,000 wedding celebration, only to be repulsed a week later by the lack of frequency of teeth brushing in their relationship. The intelligent person is brave, and realizes that if the relationship doesn’t work out, they should break up, not stay together out of financial obligations or otherwise.
Make It The Next Step, Not The “Logical” One
If you’re part of an intelligent couple, you did not move in together because it was the logical decision. You didn’t sit down and say, “Well, we’re spending most nights together anyway, and my lease is up, and it would help us out to split bills!” To everyone against living together before marriage, we want you to know that we didn’t do this. We made the decision to do this because it was the next step in our relationship, like a first kiss, or a first sleepover, or a puppy. Yes, we added an extra step in between dating and marriage. But if anything, that should tell you that we’re taking the idea of marriage so seriously that we wanted to try it out before committing to spend the rest of our lives together. Yes, some of us will break up, but we’ll know that we gave it our best shot and we’ll breathe a sigh of relief that we’re splitting without having to hire a divorce attorney. The rest of us will stay together, and we’ll jump happily into marriage, knowing with 100% certainty that we want to spend every day for the rest of our lives with our significant other, even though they fart in their sleep.
You Get To Experience Life Together
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate the phrase, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” No. Don’t wait around for a ceremony and a ring to start your life. The rest of your life has already started, and if you think that it hasn’t until you’re a Mrs., you’ve lost years of your youth that you’ll never get back. I made the decision to move in my significant other, not because of the bills, or not even to test-drive marriage. I wanted to wake up every morning next to the person I love. I didn’t want to wait for three more years to talk about our plans and life and future together. I didn’t want to just bide my time until I got an engagement ring. I wanted to put my trust in my partner, and show that I love him, I count on him, and I’m here to stay.
Yes, it was a big leap. It was scary. But having a place to call our own was more than worth it. I’ll never regret making the decision to live with my boyfriend before getting a ring, because I’m living the life I want now – and I honestly think you should too..
Respond
Steph W.
Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com
@therecruitchair
Maybe my late 20s are getting to me, but this article just reminds me that I’m going into another long winter alone, f*ck.
To be fair, winter is the best time to be alone. Saves you a fortune on Christmas presents.
Think of the positives. You get the blankets all to yourself, and no one can judge you for not leaving the bed for an entire day when it’s far too cold.
are you fat?
Amen girlfriend , amen!
I have a problem with couples who move in together, and have been living together for quite some time, to still spend $30,000 on a wedding. A wedding is big and expensive because is symbolizes a union of two people, pledging their life together. If you move in together before that step, you have unceremoniously done that. It doesn’t take the place of a wedding, but it takes the grandiose meaning out of it. To me, it doesn’t make sense to hype up such a regal event when it will literally change nothing after the fact.
Who cares, we just want booze.
Don’t get me wrong. If I get invited to a wedding, I am more than willing to help celebrate.
No you’re not, we know where you stand…
Its not my money the couple is blowing. I’ll gladly show up to a reception.
I hate celebrations! I hate fun!
To me, it doesn’t justify the expense. If you want to party for no reason, then throw a much less expensive one.
I don’t see why it matters if two people who love each other, and live together, want to throw a $30k party to celebrate their love. good for them. and if it’s an open bar, why are you complaining?
I hate when regal events change literally nothing after the fact!
Sometimes timing doesn’t work out for when you would ideally get married. Wether it be financial, work, health, legal, or age related, not every couple can get married at any time. Sometimes they have to wait a few years like I had to for the wedding, but at least they can move in together to tide themselves over until then. That doesn’t mean that when I finally get married to my man that we deserve any less celebration for our 6 year relationship than some girls I know who are rushing into marriage after one year or so. Everyone’s situation is different, so don’t judge.
People who say “Don’t judge” say it because they understand what they’re doing is wrong and don’t want to hear about it from others. If you truly believe what you’re doing is right you shouldn’t care what others say or think. Own it.
First off, 50% of marriages don’t end in divorce. The numbers don’t even back up this claim. Secondly, you don’t have to be intelligent to know when someone is terrible for you and you should leave. Some of the smartest people I know who are socially intelligent as well suck ass at relationships and always end up staying longer than they should. Intelligence is not an influence here.
Mostly though, I think you should do whatever the fuck you want to. If you want to move in with a significant other, do it. if you want to wait until marriage, do it. Who am I to tell you how you should live your life?
Good post. But really you should provide guidelines on interacting with born agains/olds who are fucking retards.
you didn’t have to go as far as saying only “intelligent couples” live together before marriage. I’m no virgin or prude, but I will not officially live with someone until I am married, whenever that is. I have no problem with people that live together, so chill out on other people’s lifestyles. And yes, I am living the life I want right now.
I have no idea why your comment is in the negative because you literally said you have no problem with people who choose to live together before getting married. It sounds like people just can’t accept that someone has a different opinion. I agree with you, I will not live with someone before I marry them because it truly just depends on the people. If you don’t want to live together before getting married, there’s no problem with that and I you do want to live together before getting married, there’s no problem with that either. The most important factor is the people themselves and how well they handle conflict as well as how committed they are to each other. Any dislikes of that ideology just indicate a dislike that someone doesn’t want to live with someone before marrying them.
Since I worked for a car dealer in college the phrase “test-drive before you buy” seems pretty applicable to this.