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I don’t even know where to start here. Here we have the case of a woman who wants to go to the American League Championship Series in Kansas City, and my god, does she sound like the worst person in the world. Here’s the ad, in all its glorious stupidity:
So, she’s looking for a chubby chaser. I get it. Those guys exist. The idea is good, but the execution is lacking. Here’s my issue with this whole deal. It’s not that she’s 5’3 and a size 16. It’s this little line right here:
In addition to being a Royals fan, I usually root for the Red Sox. I enjoy rum, sweet white wines, tropical vacations, and people who aren’t stupid.
So, you want someone to take you to the most important baseball game in Kansas City since 1985, but since the Royals weren’t good for most of your life, you decided to become a Red Sox fan. This reeks of “Well, I didn’t really care about the Royals until they were good so now I need a really good selfie of my chins to post on Instagram so I can finally crack the 10-like mark.” GTFO with that nonsense. If you can’t afford a ticket or don’t have someone who’s a good enough friend to take you to the game, then you’re just shit out of luck.
Also, you like rum, sweet white wines and tropical vacations? I have a theory about people whose favorite hard liquor is rum. That theory is that they’re insane. Same goes for people who like moscato wine, except even more so.
So here’s to you, lady. I’m glad you spent the last 10 years “rooting” for the Red Sox and now that your hometown team is good, you’re expecting some “well hung” dude to pick up the tab. Please kindly take a walk on down Know-Your-Role Boulevard and shut your mouth..
Image via Instagram
[via Craigslist]
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
@brianmcgannon
brianmcgannon
If I see her at the game…I’m throwing a hot dog at her.
She’d probably like that, man.
Yeah just make sure it’s well hung
This chaps my ass…and im a cubs fan.
Sad thing is……probably will be successful. Maybe you should try your hand at whoring yourself for Royals tickets Mr. McGannon.
I’ve done enough whoring. I work for the internet.
3 years in corp america have taught me that you can never whore enough. Never.
I wish all the threats from Topanga’s Realistic Threats Women Wish Upon Each Other upon this girl.
Some girl from tinder wanted to have sex with me Monday when she got back in town. After the Ole Miss game she wanted me to talk to her all day instead of celebrate with my family and friends, and was saying that the game wasn’t as important as I made it sound. Haven’t spoken to her since. Go Rebs
Tells a completely irrelevant, boring, and pretty dumb story after reading an article about baseball tickets. Yeah, you went to college in Mississippi
Cool story bro. (Had to do it)