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The other day, one of my old college buddies that lives in DC shared an article with me explaining “Why Florida is the Worst Place on Earth.” Sure, when you turn on the local news in this state, you’re guaranteed to see multiple bizarre stories such as a man trying to pay his water bill with cocaine, a teenager murdering his parents so he could throw a party, a homeless man trying to buy beer with an alligator or a 7-year-old stealing his grandmother’s car to do “hoodrat stuff.”
Yes, I will be the first to admit that Florida certainly has its flaws (Casey Anthony & George Zimmerman), but every state does. Idiots saying that we are the “worst place on earth” inspired me to write this article. In my eyes, Florida is a one of a kind place to call home. So for my fellow postgrads that deal with the constant Florida bashing and don’t believe that our fair state will be under 20 feet of the Atlantic Ocean in 50 years, this one’s for you.
- We live where you vacation. Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Orlando, Clearwater, West Palm Beach, Panama City, etc. Take your pick.
- Currently one of the very few states that still doesn’t have a state income tax.
- The Florida Keys. Enough said.
- We have the most golf courses in the country (over 1,200).
- You’ll quickly become bilingual living here. Me gusta.
- You go to Disney for the parks; we go to Disney to drink around the world.
- The Noles, Gators, The U, Bulls and Knights: pick your allegiance.
- Our weather is the best in the country. The polar vortex hasn’t even come close to us.
- We are the deciders in presidential elections.
- Every weekend you decide whether to go to the beach, lay by the pool or go on a boat.
- We’re home to Publix, the greatest grocery store in the US of A.
- Stone crab.
- You can’t drive anywhere for an hour without running into a major international airport.
- Spring Break is not a week; it’s a month of college kids coming and going as they please.
- It’s totally normal to see the multiple celebrities, musicians, sports players, and politicians that call Florida their second home on a daily basis.
- You can have your snow days; we have hurricane parties.
- Gambling isn’t just limited to casinos. Race tracks galore. Have you ever seen a Jai Alai match?
- A weekend cruise is never out of the question. Not like in your car. I mean like getting on a Royal Caribbean ship and going to Bermuda.
- Can’t find a parking spot, no problem. We have valet everywhere. Life is just a bit more luxurious down here.
- Freshly squeezed Florida Orange Juice. There is no substitute. Not from concentrate or GTFO.
- Cafe con leche, croquetas, and empañadas .
- We put Justin Bieber in jail. You’re welcome America.
Respond
@SGPlumb
The most important one is number 11. There a few things I enjoy more than a Pub sub.
Buffalo Chicken sub, there is no substitute.
Not to mention the Ice Truck Killer, Bay Harbor Butcher, Trinity Killer, Doomsday Killer, Brain Surgeon. Fuck the ending to that show.
I am so glad you enjoy Florida. I love my homestate, I have lived away from it for about 3 years now and I cannot wait to come back. Besides the obvious beach and Sun, Florida has some the best tax structures. Homestead tax exemption on property tax, no state income tax, no estate tax, no inheritance tax, very low sales tax. I find Quality of life so much better in Florida. Yes the Sun attracts weirdos I get it, but if I was a bum I would want a place warm year round :)!
OOOOoooHHHHHH PUUUUUBlix
I just touched down in ft. Lauderdale yesterday the temp difference today is 85 degrees warmer from where I came. It’s January and I’m in shorts. So what’s wrong with fl again?
your gonna want to wait till summer and revise that statement.
Sure..its always paradise..when ur here on vacation for a week! Try living here ..and you’ll change your mind..REAL quick!
I find it funny how people complain about the rude people, hookers, heat and discrimination. My husband and I have traveled through more than 1/2 the states in the US throughout the yearsfrom Vermont to California to Hawaii and we’ve encountered rude, racist, scary, ghetto and very conceited people in most of them. We live in NY and God only ones we have all of that and more here, especially the conceited, rude and ghetto…plus high rent or mortgages and expensive everything. Florida like all states has many beautiful and fun things about it. It’s more about where you want to be. We have White, Hispanic, Carribean, and Indian relatives of different religions that live in Orlando and they are all very happy there and have been for years. Most came from NY. Plus they are surrounded by many people from the East Coast. We’ve never had a problem there, which is why we visit 2-3 times a year. So I see no reason to focus on the bad, like news reports tend to do and just enjoy the good! Love the article!
1. Yes, that’s great. We who are residents in those cities also have to deal with the constant stream of tourists. Most of which aren’t friendly, very bright, and are worse drivers than the locals.
2. Wonderful. We in Florida also have some of the worst education and social services in the country. So maybe having a state income tax might help. This lack of income tax also makes Florida haven for tax evaders….huzzah.
3. As someone who lived in Key West for 4 years….great place to visit. Not exactly the greatest place to live.
4. I am an avid golfer and enjoy playing in December but when I play up north on vacation I don’t have to worry about losing a foot via Gator.
5. It’s okay…..It can also be completely frustrating.
6. You win on that one.
7. Yes and Floridans allegiances to those teams change every season. Pick one….frontrunners.
8. Polar Vortex? Try Hurricane season. Major fail on that one.
9. Wrong…Ohio is, look it up.
10. Unless you live in a non-tourist area and you get to do none of those. You get sweat….sweat….and sweat some more.
11. Winner. No gripe on that.
12. You win again.
13. MIA, TPA, ORL……….The horror of even thinking of them.
14. Right, sign me up for a month of drunk 18-21 year olds visiting.
15. See the taxes argument.
16. All fun and games until your house floods and you lose everything.
17. They aren’t Vegas….enough said. Jai Lai? Seriously? It’s not 1965.
18. If you want to be trapped on a disease filled boat…never mind I won’t even finish the joke.
19. I don’t even know what to say about this.
20. Okay, you win another one.
21. You win again.
22. and we let George Zimmerman go free……maybe not touting that Bieber thing so much.
So by my account.
Stone Crab, Con Leche, Empinadas, Orange Juice, Croquetas…..all stuff you can get at Publix. Seems to me that if you found a Publix with a Valet that it would be the essence of the only good things in Florida.
Well said, WELL SAID!!
I’m not surprised, but really people? You are going to bash a guy for trying to have a positive outlook on the state he lives in? Rather than having the negative outlook you all have that was force-fed to you by mass media and other peoples blogs? You really think Fl is that bad? I have lived here my entire life and all I ever see is people talking shit about it when they know nothing about it. I think most of you are too busy with your head up your ass. The only reason I would leave Florida is to live somewhere new not because there is anything wrong with it. I guarantee if you all tell me your home states I could send you each 22 reasons why it sucks there. You think George Zimmerman and Casey Anthony matter in the grand scheme of things? Or that it reflects on the peoples of this state? You would be wrong, people are shot everyday, black on black, white on white, spanish on black, who gives a shit? It happens… all the time… in every state. And as for Casey Anthony, she wasn’t the first to kill a kid and won’t be the last, that is also something that happens rather frequently all over the world. I cannot believe the ignorance of most of you. Houses, roads , people, cars, what else is there? You really think the Hamptons are better? Or SoCal or New York? Get off your high-horses, nobody is impressed.
You also forgot to mention George Zimmerman. You’re welcome America.
haha
California all the way. Humidity and bugs keep me far away from Florida. Thanks for arresting Justin Beiber though!
Liberals, fags, and beaners keep me away from california..
Troll so hard.