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1. You stay with a total douchebag/bitch for fear of never finding anyone else.
Your rationale: “He will change. I just know I can change him into everything I want him to be.” NEWS FLASH: Guys don’t grow out of being douche bags and they generally DON’T change. Drop the tool and be hot and single. You’re in your twenties and far too young to settle with chronic disappointment.
2. Drinking like you’re still in college.
It’s all fun and games for the four glory years of college. But after that? It’s not as cute or acceptable to black out and dance on tables every weekend. There is a fine line between “having fun while you’re young” and being a shit-show. Everyone has that friend that just can’t seem to figure this one out. After college, it’s called alcoholism.
3. Having unrealistic dating expectations.
What does this mean? You “think” you have to be dating or something is wrong with you. So maybe, ditch the bars and Tinder, and stop trying to find datable men altogether. Why? Because, you’re in your 20, that’s why. Go out with your girlfriends and enjoy a free drink, or five, because you still can.
4. Blowing money on stupid shit.
If there is any extra money after the bills have been paid, saving is the last viable option, clearly. Instead you’re buying rounds for every rando in the bar, or a “trendy” top from Forever 21, that you will ultimately hate in about a month.
5. Being lazy.
Netflix will become your best friend. You will develop a very serious relationship with your couch that you bought on Craigslist. Going to the gym after a nine-hour work day plus traffic will be a chore. It’s actually come to be worse than your last unhealthy relationship, but you do it because you’re probably hungover, or just lazy. And #YOLO…
That brings me to the next mistake you’ll make over and over again in your 20s.
6. Hashtagging in every sentence.
Just when you thought the phrase YOLO would never end. It ended, and hash tagging got even more annoying. Facebook doesn’t care that you are #gettingswole #gymtime #newyearnewme. Just quit while you’re ahead. The only time you should actually say the word “hashtag” out loud is when you are making fun of someone for doing it.
7. Not cleaning up your social media accounts.
Unfortunately, your 20s are the years when you must begin the hours of untagging yourself from all of the fun party pictures that were taken in college. Some don’t realize this, and their Facebook makes them look like an alcoholic psycho. But hey, it’s your life. Talking about how blacked out you got last night in a Facebook post is a little out of hand, but you’re still in the college mindset where the only people who are looking at it are college students. Just put everything on a zip drive and lock it away forever. Problem solved.
8. “Loaning” friends money.
Yeah, good luck getting that back. Just consider it a really nice random act of kindness. In your 20s, the last thought to cross your mind is “Oh, I probably should pay so-and-so back for footing my bill.” Instead you look at it as an inconvenience and think “I could have bought my favorite bottle of vodka with that. Which you wouldn’t, because you’re cheap and probably still buy Monarch, Kami, or Burnett’s. Be a good friend, but don’t let it become a habit.
9. Wasting your time on shitty friends.
More times than not, you begin to judge friendships by how fun that person is to party with. Yeah, they are the life of the party, but when you need them to pick you up from the random hookup that was way hotter when you were drunk, they bail. Why? Because partying is still on your mind from college and life isn’t quite the same anymore. Quality over quantity.
Hey, these are things!
I’ll never unfollow @dadboner
$528 for 25 diet cokes? That’s $22 each, that’s some bullshit.
That receipt is from Dubai, so hopefully not USD.
Only like 100 grand then. Thank god, I was worried someone went overboard for a second.
Regardless, it’s still $100,000.
But you’re 22…
#1 is maybe 10% of postgrads. If that fear paralyzes your life, well I’m sure someone can fill in the “self-fulfilling prophecy” angle.
DEF. not the US Dollar.
Converts to $105,706.41. Still a $5.99 Diet Coke.