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It’s a tough pill to swallow realizing that your life isn’t on par with Justin Bieber’s. I’ll admit that over the past few months, I was trying to emulate his style choices. I had a mustache, unkempt blond locks, and I was smoking cigarettes and just trying to look as sleazy as humanly possible. But as summer faded away and autumn crept in, I realized that normal 9-5ers like myself probably shouldn’t have a stated goal of trying to look like an 80s coke dealer in Miami.
He can get away with looking like he’s got a bird’s nest resting on top of his head because he’s rich and famous. I, however, have a desk job so that sort of look simply does not abide when you’re on the wrong side of 25 and trying to move up in the world.
I sat nervously in a barber chair last Friday night and watched as a year and some odd months worth of hard work fell to the floor. It hurt a little bit to watch because I knew that by the time the hair stylist finished doing what she was trained to do, I’d look like every other asshole walking the streets of Chicago.
I had endured months of harsh criticism from close friends, family members, and coworkers about the appearance of my hair and shrugged all of it off with the quickness, knowing deep down that if I could just get to the two year threshold of hair growth with no barber or hair stylist touching it my hair would look better than most women that I know.
There were times during this period where I had some really bad hair days. But the bad day hair days were few and far between after I got out of that awkward stage where the hair wasn’t really long and it wasn’t really short anymore.
I had flow. It would have made many a lacrosse player blush had they seen me walking down a windy street, and goddamnit I was proud of it.
It got to a point where it became more nuisance than anything, though. At night as I would try to go to sleep and I’d constantly be brushing it back behind my ears. I was forced to wear hats almost everywhere unless I wanted to put it up in a bun because I simply could not stand those stray hairs getting in my eyes. I had achieved flow status, but with a few weddings coming up this fall I had no choice but to go in and get it chopped.
For what’s it’s worth I loved my haircut. It’s got Christian Laettner written all over it, and if I can’t look like Bieber, one of the greatest college basketball villains of all time will do just fine. But it could have gotten awkward there had she turned me around in that swivel chair and showed me some Sports Clips ass hatchet job. This happens to people all of the time.
When you go into a barbershop or hair salon and you don’t have a rapport with anyone there, the first thing you’ll get asked is simple – “What do you want?” I walked in with a picture on my phone of Christian Laettner during his time at Duke, but answers vary per person. Maybe you want a high and tight. Perhaps you ask for a trim on the neck and around the ears and that’s it.
So you’re in the chair, watching your hair get cut and twenty or thirty minutes later they turn you around and give you a mirror to look at the cut they just gave you. The hair stylist has taken precious time out of their day to cut it, and then they ask that question. That dreaded question.
“Well… how’s it look?”
This is a question we’ve all grappled with. You can’t just be like “Wow, you really fucked my hair up” even if you wanted to and it’s ridiculous but that’s simply the way it is.
You’re a paying customer, and in other business arenas, if something was wrong, we’d absolutely speak up. If you paid for a tune-up on your car and the mechanic asked you what you thought of his handy work but the check engine light was still on when you turned the keys in the ignition, you’d say something.
If a doctor gave you a prescription for your allergies that you had to pay out of pocket for and that prescription didn’t work you’d absolutely call his office up and say so.
But when it comes to haircuts, that question – “How’s it look?” – is a difficult one to answer.
You’re in the middle of a salon that is probably crowded. You’ve made small talk with the barber for a half hour or so and you’ve both been cordial. And now you have no choice, no matter how good or how bad the cut is, to answer in the affirmative.
“Looks great. I love it,” you say with a forced smile on your face. Your barber could have given you the bowl cut from Dumb and Dumber that Jim Carrey rocks and you’d still give the guy a ten dollar tip and be on your way out the door. I’d like to say that we should rise up and give these people a piece of our mind, but we all know that’s never going to happen. We’ll all just keep enduring haircuts that we’re not really feeling until the end of time because it’s deemed impolite to say otherwise. Death, taxes, and telling your barber that your haircut is fine when it’s really not. The three certainties in life. .
Image via Unsplash
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
If you’re over the age of 15 you shouldn’t be going to a chain barbershop. Find a nice local place (I love Gabby’s in Lakeview) where a barber’s experience is measured in decades, not months.
Not one to spend a ton of money on grooming/self-care but I am big believer in the fact that sometimes a great pair of shoes, the perfect pair of jeans or a great haircut can change your life
Had a new barber give me a fuck boi style cut after I told him I wear my hair like a young conservative congressman. But, on the balance, it led me to my current go to place with a woman that is a magician with the clippers and has my hair looking right every 6-8 weeks.
Where is this magician? I go to a guy in the Press Club building and they do a decent job, but I could be convinced to drop them.
I’m not a federal employee in DC. I’m in a field office in OKC
Go to Joe’s on Fullerton and you won’t be disappointed. Super laid back, shoot the shit with the barber’s about anything, complimentary beer during the haircut and cash enjoy.
cash only*. whoops
The only problem with Joe’s is they don’t take appointments. I went to Chicago Barber Shop on Armitage for a long time until I moved. Great cut, affordable and by appointment.
Agreed. Major downside is the hectic first come first serve set up. Another friend had mentioned that same place on Armitage. I may have to check it out
Well let’s be honest. If they do fuck up your haircut, what’re they gonna do about it? Put the hair back on your head?
Take: If you’re a guy with the hair thickness to allow for more than a buzz cut and you’re spending under $40 on the every other month chop, it’s trash. This is your hair, people look at you constantly. Pay up a bit for the haircut so you don’t have some random slovak going to town on your noggin in between beers. Really, you should have a specific guy or gal you go to, not just whomever is free at the closest barber shop to your apartment.
Separate note, if you’re out of college and using 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, trashhhhhhh. Take care of yourself.
If you’re a dude and you spend more on a haircut than you would at a happy hour, you’re doing it wrong.
guys – just remember, all some dudes have going for them in life is a decent haircut lol
Trash ass take
Take my up vote. Apparently not every guy here understands a good haircut can make a huge difference with the females.
Yeah I don’t get the down votes, either. Haircut makes a huge difference not just with females, but in general. And a lot/most of the time you can tell the difference between a $15 haircut and a $30-$40 haircut…I learned that the hardway
Also I agree with that 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner. That’s just trash. Only thing worse is the shampoo/conditioner/body wash combo
More than $40 on a haircut for a dude is insane. I go to a place where I can get consistently great women’s haircuts for $52. The men’s shouldn’t be more than $35.
I spend $60 on my haircut every two months, so worth it. My man Doug is like a personal Jon Van Ness, actually has an overall vision for the cut, remembers what we’ve done in the past, and asks for feedback. Takes around 45 minutes, no mistakes ever. In return my hair looks way better than it would otherwise for like $1 a day. No brainer.
Haircut prices vary on the local market and once you’re at a high enough price level to where you get a skilled stylist that can take time on your hair and knows how you like it done, paying more isn’t going to make any difference in terms of quality. I paid $35 for a stylist in the suburbs and only pay $24 for a stylist in the city and get a great cut with both.
Gtfo I stay on that Fulton and Roark 2-in-1 shampoo body wash
If your hair is long enough to go over a month without a cut, then yeah. But short haired bros don’t really need an all star, just a utility player who hits for average.
One of my favorite quotes from my dad: “Son, do you know what the difference between a good hair cut and bad hair cut is? 2 weeks.”
This was my entire college haircut experience
How often does this happen to people? I’ve had the same barber for 6 years now and I’ve only had one shitty haircut in that time
I had a barber literally slice my scalp which proceeded to bleed until I got home for my last haircut at a chain place. Really need to find a local shop but there’s not many around me
I think its more for people that don’t have a regular barber/stylist. I went to the same guy for 18 years. From my first haircut to the time he retired. Then his daughter cut my hair for the next 4 years until I moved. Never had an issue. But I’ve moved away and had to suffer through cuts I didn’t like until I found someone that did what I wanted consistently.