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I love my friends, I really do. Our group of six to seven girls has been a little crew for the past couple of years with an obnoxious group chat, an even more obnoxious group Snapchat and no lacking of activities done together.
They’ve given me advice in every aspect of my life. They’ve made me laugh until I cry on numerous occasions. They’ve also been there for the real tears I’ve shed whether they were a sober occurrence or caused by a few too many glasses of wine. I’ve lost count of how many times my boobs have been inappropriately fondled by them despite being in public. I’ve also lost count of how many times I’ve rolled my eyes at yet another dick joke being randomly spouted off into conversation. You know, just girl stuff.
As much as I don’t know what my life would be without them, my feelings regarding my go-to squad as a whole have been off lately. Call it a funk, a phase, or maybe even growing pains, but the thought has been lingering in my mind that it might be time to add some new friends.
Making new friends as an adult is a bitch, to say the least. It’s not something I want to do let alone know how exactly I would go about doing. I hear Bumble BFF is a thing? But as things keep piling on with my current group and my frustrations keep accumulating, I can’t help but wonder if slightly removing myself and seeking other people to spend my free time with would be the best course of action.
This isn’t to say I want to break up with them. I love everyone individually and would honestly do anything for them. Plus, the one on one/small group hangs aren’t the issue. It’s the collective experience that I am struggling with.
Without giving a list of my complaints, my overarching feeling is that I have lost my role in the group and I can’t see how I fit in anymore. Recent conversations and get togethers have left me feeling that I am neither nerdy enough while somehow not cool enough to have a place in the crowd. We’re weird, don’t get me wrong. But I used to think we were closer to the same level in that regard.
I’ve become increasingly annoyed with things to the point that my boyfriend and even my boss have mentioned that I need new friends. Despite the joking nature of their comments, it’s a real concern and a thought I’ve dabbled with.
Sure, there are always periods in any relationship where you aren’t going to line up and agree with everything the other party does or says. But maybe I’ve reached my limit.
We had a party last Friday night and it kinda felt like the breaking point.
It was a fall themed sleepover and the main activity besides eating lots of food was to do a craft inspired by a teen rom-com that everyone besides myself has been drooling over and has watched six plus times. Fine, I like projects even if I don’t fawn over the movie. That is until the whole thing took four hours to complete.
I was over it almost immediately and spent my time on the couch drinking wine while I waited for my turn which never came. Yes, after the whole escapade it was 2 a.m. and I had been waiting to make a scrunchie for days. And for what? A group pic showing off the results with me knowing full well I wouldn’t wear this thing in public.
During this time, we had Disney movies on to entertain those of us not situated at the sewing machine. Harmless enough. Until everyone began going off on tangents about how Pocahontas and Mulan aren’t historically accurate and how everything is anti-feminist especially Gaston in Beauty and the Beast.
I did not come to what I thought was going to be a fun, relaxing evening only to have my favorite childhood movies compromised. Yes, I can easily see the problematic points being made. But can’t we just leave things alone and enjoy the pretty scenes and lovely musical numbers for their entertainment value alone?
This is far from the first time my friends have deliberately plowed down the path of turning something into an unnecessary conversation and it won’t be the last. Honestly, I’m just tired of listening to everyone complain about everything all the time.
I’m aware that the issues that have surfaced are on me and not my friends. They sure haven’t changed in terms of the junk that has been bothering me; passionately caring about stuff I don’t, incessantly voicing their strong political viewpoints, and their general lack of ability to make any kind of concrete plan. This is a me thing not a suddenly they’re different thing.
Am I really outgrowing these girls? I doubt it, but I’m struggling to see the why now of the situation. Has anything noteworthy changed on my end? Not that I can pinpoint. Do I simply withdraw from group activities and only do the individual/small group things? I’m a really social person so I know I would miss going to outings despite the problems. Which leads me to thinking that perhaps a new group would solve things? Not that new friends wouldn’t share any of these characteristics, but maybe less forceful, constant versions?
I’ve considered talking it out and addressing my concerns head on, but I don’t see that fixing anything. A casual, “Hey, you guys are great, but I’m super annoyed by you all when we get together because your individual qualities become amped up and obnoxious when more than three of us are in one spot! Yeah, I know this isn’t any different than when we first became friends, but like, please stop and calm down,” isn’t really going to go over well.
So instead of doing that I’m relaying my problem to the Internet and hoping someone has experience in this department, or at least can offer some clarity and confirm if I’m overreacting.
In the meantime, if anyone wants to grab a drink, watch some October baseball, and not be offended by absolutely everything around them, hit a girl up. .
Respond
Whatever Lola Wants
Outward appearance of being a hot mess with just enough Type A personality to not be a complete disappointment to my parents. Almost as good at avoiding commitment as I am at holding my liquor.
@LauraMeinert
A historically accurate Pocahontas and Mulan would not make very appropriate children’s movies.
It sounds like your friends have turned into Social Justice Warriors. I’m sorry, there’s usually no going back once that happens. If you don’t conform with their complaining and skewed world view, you’ll continue to feel left out and be shunned.
And don’t even think about disagreeing with their viewpoint. Just nod and be non-committal.
Slowly back towards the exit and if you’re lucky, you didn’t startle them and can exit before they launch into a tirade
Both agree and disagree with this. It’s easy for a large(r) group of like minded people to fall into a movie mentality. It certainly isn’t exclusive to SJWs. For Lola it seems like large group gatherings are probably going to be kinda lame going forward.
However, plently of people, even SJWs, tend to be more receptive to other people’s opinions/beliefs when in a smaller group.
Signed – someone who worked for the Democratic Party for several years.
Always appreciate the transparency in these real life shares, but I always think the people being discussed HAVE to be reading this, right?
I can’t recommend Bumble BFF enough! I used the app when moving to a new city and it made it sooo easy to form a girl group.
By far one of the hardest things about being in HR is the non-written rule that you have to be careful about spending too much time with coworkers in other departments. I’ve been majorly struggling to find new friends, I’ll have to give it a try, thank you for the insight!
How the hell does it take four hours for six people to each make a scrunchie??
I had to ultimately break up with two of my college roommates. Pretty sure they think I’m a snobby bitch for doing so, but we were growing apart. No longer enjoyed the same things, or agreed with each others’ life choices. I decided it was best to let the good times stay in the past and focus on my friendships that fit who I am today. Sometimes it’s just time to move on.
sup
Doing most things as an adult is a bitch. But, I’d recommend you try and get in touch with people you were friendly with in high school or college who have ended up in the same city as you. At least when you’ve recently moved, people tend to pity you a little bit and generally won’t say no
If different tastes in movies makes you consider getting new friends can they really have been that good friends in the first place? These seem like pretty petty problems, maybe you just never liked them that much in the first place
Currently have 9 friends that i actually hit up to hangout and at this age even that feels like a lot
Thought I was walking into friends who have gotten into relationships and are lame now, but got friends who turn into SJW.
I’ve normally found my best times with friends were one on one or in groups of 4 or less. Recently we decided that it might be fun to start doing more sober activities together (ie the zoo, museums) rather than just going to dinner and getting drinks. Keeps the friendship fresh.