======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I always feel like I have a superpower whenever I go out and take my 2 year old fluffy giant Great Pyrenees / Alaskan Malamute mix out and about. Whether it be on a hike, a dog park outing, or a brunch patio session, the same thing always happens: people flock to us. After the flock, I’m flooded with questions and comments that are always the same:
“What’s his name?”
“Can I pet him?”
“Have you had him since he was a puppy?”
“He looks like ‘Ghost’ from Game of Thrones!”
“How much does he weigh?”
“Does he shed?”
Of course I’m biased since I think my dog (named Tony) is amazing, so in the past I’ve justified the behavior by examining the fact that my dog is stupidly beautiful. But I also have noticed I’m subject to falling prisoner of this phenomenon. Every time I see a dog- and I mean ANY dog- I cant help but feel a very involuntary and very real gravitational pull towards the animal because I. Must. Pet. It.
After putting some of these pieces together in my mind, I realized: Dogs make the best wingmen.
It’s obvious that people automatically flock to dogs out in public, we know this. But my theory goes far beyond this simple observation. First of all, dogs automatically make you look like a better human being. Did you know ACTUAL science says that people with dogs are perceived to be more happy, empathetic, and overall approachable? To me, the presence of a dog also makes the owner seem more responsible. Are they nurturing? Check. Are they committed (even if just to an animal’s care)? Check. If I seem someone with a happy and healthy dog, I can at least assume they have the basic wherewithal to keep it alive. And that’s saying more than most people I’ve gone out with.
Dogs also serve as immediate ice breakers. Approaching a stranger you find attractive can be daunting… and even though I’m sure each of us are confident enough in our own pick-up lines and suave conversation starters, can anything REALLY compete with an adorable wagging tale and a squishy nose to “boop?!” NO. Why do all of the heavy lifting when your dog is going to do all of the introducing for you? Even if the hypothetical cute person doesn’t immediately fly towards you and your dog, they’re going to be looking. This is an easy opportunity to utilize the opener, “You can pet him/her if you want!” Boom. Not only are you the awesome person with the dog, but now you’re the GENEROUS awesome person with the dog!
Other bonus points of having a dog as a wingman? They are completely unable to “accidentally” tell an embarrassing story about you. Even though dogs sometimes see the worst of us (ie: that one time you dropped a taco in the trash but it wasn’t touching anything too gross so you picked it out of there and ate it anyway), they can’t actually articulate our flaws to future dating prospects. If anything, they’ll just be showcasing how wonderful and attentive you are!
Like the best of wingmen, dogs also can help sniff out the bad apples. Someone may be attractive, funny, financially stable, kind, etc… But if they don’t like dogs? Please. Get the fuck out of here. Even beyond that: Tony is a great litmus test for any psychopaths out there. My dog pretty much loves everyone, but every once and a while he picks up on a negative vibe from someone and doesn’t hesitate to let me know. And if my dog doesn’t like you? Yikes. I don’t want to like you either.
Beyond being good wingmen, dogs honestly have taught me a lot about dating in general. It doesn’t matter about breed, coat texture, age, color, size, or fetching ability: all dogs really like to sniff other dogs’ butts. Tony is over 100 lbs and yet his favorite dog friends are usually the size of my own palm. I think there’s an underlying message here. Watching Tony and his fellow pooches play at the park reminds me that it’s a good thing to have an open mind about a future romantic partner. I’m not saying you should want to sniff anyone’s butt… Unless you’re in to that. You do you.
Sometimes dating life can be ruff (wink). But if all else fails in your romantic endeavors, a dog will always bring you unconditional love. They may not be able to share a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day with you, but they’ll always be there with kisses and cuddles when you need them the most.
In the end, everyone thinks their dog is the best dog. And everyone is right. So hear me out: Maybe it’ll be worth your time to invest finding the perfect wingman: doggy style..
Respond
KatieCallaway
Katie is 27 and is from Nashville, TN but lives in Los Angeles, CA as an actress, comedian, writer, and marketing manager. Although some might disagree, she likely peaked when she had dinner with Randy Jackson and he called her “dude” a lot. You can see her active on the Twitterverse at @KECallaway or you can also follow her new Insta at @KatieCallaway even though she hates Instagram.
@kecallaway
@katiecallaway
I’ve been trying to pick up chicks by walking around with a boa constrictor in the pocket of my bathrobe, maybe a dog will bump up my FG%
red next to black, jump the fuck back. Red next to yellow, cuddly fellow.
I found out recently that my nephew is a great wingman. The kid is super cute and social, it’s like magic.
I take care of my brothers dog (niece) a couple weekends every month. Can confirm that it is the best of both worlds
Please stop referring to dogs and children. Thank you, and carry on.
I was about to say the same thing. My nephew is a person, like an actual human.
as*
Sorry you are choosing to be offended by a vague connection I am making between an article about dogs and a comment about familial connection.
No one is offended. It’s just a trend that is severely annoying and these gentlemen are doing their civic duty to squash it as much as possible
In other news water is wet.
Dogs not being able to talk, while unfortunate most of the time, is a godsend when it comes to being your wingman. No one needs to know what happened last Saturday and Cap is the only one I trust to keep it to himself
I’m about to move to a new city and I’m definitely doing to use my dog to meet new people. Everyone loves golden retrievers.
Also helps to be an absolute smoke..
When I lived in Nashville, my roommate frequently used my dog as his wingman (woman cuz she’s a girl). Brought her to our running club (she loves to run), dog parks, you name it. But it made him look good because it showed that he also cares about animals and is willing to take care of a dog that isn’t even his
While it is great to have a dog that vocalizes the negative vibes he picks up, I do feel sorry for the people on the wrong end of my German shepherds warning growls
Can confirm. My puppy has made women completly disregard the gold band on my left finger. I assumed the line “our neighbor Nicole was spitting game today so you better get what you got” would be a hit in the bedroom….it was not
As a female named Nicole, I can confirm we all spit game
I dont want to be that guy, but im very intrigued how you came to possess a left finger
Sounds like both you and the pup spent the night in the daaaaawg house (read in Dave Ruff voice for effect).
Goddamn this commenting bug
You want a toe? I can get you a toe.