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Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Here in the midwest, I am fortunate enough to experience all four seasons every year, and those seasons present challenges in the bedroom. During the fall and winter, I like to have fleece sheets on my bed, with several blankets (one of which is heated) and seven or eight pillows engulfing my entire body, forming a makeshift cocoon that gives me peace of mind.
In the spring, I switch those fleece sheets outs for run of the mill cotton linens. They aren’t flashy. They don’t have some ridiculous high thread count or anything but I make it a habit to wash them once a week so that on Sunday nights I have a clean bed to hop into.
My bed is a sanctuary, a place that I spend a lot of time in when I’m not out drinking, working a mindless job that I hate, or watching television in my living room. I read in my bed. Sometimes I’ll fire up my laptop and watch Netflix, HBO, or something saucy on a reputable website such as PornHub or YouJizz.
I pair those linens I mentioned with candles that enhance the mood inside my room. I like something that smells of persimmon or peach during the warm months, and then when it’s cold outside I prefer my room to smell like a Douglas Fir.
The candles, weather appropriate linens, books, and decent television programming are all essential for the making of a good bedroom. All of them, in their own special way, are necessary for the feng shui of a room. There are ebbs and flows, but the one thing that really ties everything together – the thing that adds a hint of pizazz without fail every single time it’s introduced is the bedside glass of wine.
Next to the reading lamp and the flickering glow of a candle that I spent far too much money on, there usually sits a fat glass of wine. It’s not an every night thing, but there comes a time (usually two or three nights a week) where I’ll require a Malbec or a pinot grigio with two ice cubes while I try with every fiber of my being to get through another chapter of Infinite Jest.
I’m not sitting here telling you to bring a bottle of wine into bed with you. There is one rule and one rule only for the bedside glass of wine. It’s important and it goes right along with an idea from Dave (or was it Micah?) which says that you only need one.
There’s simply no need to be getting shitfaced alone in bed on a Tuesday night. You also don’t want your roommates or significant other thinking you have a drinking problem, and a wine hangover on a weekday is just about the worst feeling imaginable.
I think there’s a stigma surrounding drinking in bed and we need to erase it. I’ve heard friends of mine say that it feels depressing to be drinking a glass of wine in bed, and to that I say bullocks. It’s not depressing until you’re an entire bottle deep and have abandoned reading your book in favor of throwing on Drake’s “Take Care” album and scrolling your ex’s Instagram feed. It’s one glass and then you’re done. Cut off.
And we can’t be bringing in anything other than wine. I don’t want to see anyone having a Miller Lite or a rum and coke on their bedside table. Aesthetics are important, people. That’s the kind of behavior that will sink this whole movement before it even begins.
We must stick to wine only in the bedroom, never overdoing it and always savoring it. This isn’t a glass of wine meant to be glugged down quickly. It’s meant to be relished and appreciated. A special treat to accompany a new book or television series after a long day at work. We’re all on this planet for a finite amount of time, and our lives are simply too short to not be enjoying a glass of wine in bed from time to time. .
Image via Unsplash
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jduda@grandex.co
Ahh, nothin’ like enjoying some of the blood of Christ bedside while violently stroking your meat cylinder to some girl who gets paid 5x more than you to work for 4 hours per week. The lord works in mysterious ways, guys lol
4 hours per week? I spend 4 hours a DAY on the toilet seeing how every night I have beef burritos for dinner.
Sounds like a real “crappy” situation you’ve got there
I fully endorse this take
“Whatever romantic ‘trick’ you’re trying to pull….not tonight. Don’t even think about it” -my wife as I walk into the bedroom with two glasses of wine
In all seriousness folks, this might be the best take of 2018 so far. Don’t take it lightly
RIP Micah Mondays
May 2018 – June 2018.
Nothing better than a chilly October night with flannel sheets, a fall scented candle and a “good book.” (I always Lol when people say good book. As if I was going to read a bad book? Anyway…) I live for fall.
Great take. Is one adhering to the “just one” rule even if the glass fits half the bottle? Asking for myself.
John “something saucy” Duda
Usually have a beer or two after work a few times a week but I’ve always been uncertain as to whether that is acceptable because people might think I’m depressed or something
I usually worry if someone doesn’t have a drink after work. No job is that great.
As a book lover, I’ve been doing this for years! I usually take a glass of wine or tea to bed with my book, depending on the night.
My only additional advice – careful with the malbec and the white sheets!
Having white sheets is just asking for tragedy to strike
No sour grapes on this end, Duda.