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I recently attended my good buddy’s bachelor party in the Wisconsin Dells. There was beer, there was boating, and there were questionable choices made in Wisconsin’s attempt at an indoor beach resort and party palace. There was also the nostalgia portal that is the Nintendo 64. It was the staple party accessory in the dorm room where I met a lot of my close friends, so it was no surprise that it was also on full display during the drinking sessions of this bachelor party weekend.
Pregaming while playing N64 is a drunken tradition revered by many people who grew up with the device as a kid and realized early on into their college career that the four-person controller setup also lent itself perfectly to parties and pregames. There are many strong opinions over what N64 game is the ideal companion for several light lagers. I’m here to tell you that it’s not Mario Kart. Nope — it’s the non-stop action of NFL Blitz 2001.
Led by the likes of Brett Favre, Brian Griese, and the Greatest Show on Turf (2000 Rams), NFL Blitz 2001 puts the best players from your childhood into a neon green thunderdome. Blitz was like a perfectly distilled version of Madden, with even better commentary. With only 7 players per “team” and a limited playbook, you were always heavily involved in the action as you jammed the turbo button to make bone-crunching, after-the-whistle hits that only an NFL player avatar could withstand.
That type of fast-paced playstyle is perfect for parties for many reasons. First, your eyes are constantly in motion as you move from offense to defense based on seemingly random sacks, interceptions and lucky fourth down conversions. This means you’re not getting bored or distracted by your drunk buddy in the other room. Second, the 1v1 or 2v2 format means that your player is heavily involved in every snap as you bump your favorite throwback Spotify playlist. Every mistake, bad pass, or stiff arm, means something.
Third, Blitz souped up the skill set of each player so that they played like the steroid-fueled version of Lawrence Taylor. This led to wildly entertaining and absolutely unrealistic hits on and off the field. There’s a reason the NFL quickly moved to the safer, more mom-friendly Madden franchise in the early 2000s. Ever wanted to elbow drop a player after the whistle? That’s basically like giving a high-five in Blitz. The warped physics and general lawlessness of the game lets you invoke the most basic, animalistic version of your being. It also makes you very thirsty for one, or several, light beers as your eyes dilate trying to defend a 4th and 40.
Now, before you get your pitchforks, I am very aware of how passionate people are about Mario Kart, or even Super Smash Bros as being the premiere N64 party game. But Blitz’s most endearing quality might be the low skill level you need to not only play but compete. In Kart or Smash Bros, there’s always that one friend that can abuse the turbo drift or spam Kirby’s best moves, but that’s not the case in NFL Blitz 2001. Blitz is way more democratic in determining the winner. It embraces the chaos of random fumbles and 80-yard hail marys. Everyone can mash the same three buttons and get similar results, which means the games are always competitive and even more entertaining. Its simple gameplay brings together the closest of enemies and tears apart the tightest of friendships – plus, you can easily have two beers over a single, 10-minute session. I’ll take that over anything else on the N64. .
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@TaylorLaabs
@taylor1laabs
Super Smash Bros on N64 is one of the greatest games of all time and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. Topped only by Melee.
I agree with this take and if you disagree with us I’ll have Samos come to your house and light everything on fire…no “lol’s” for this one, folks
Team Link
I think you meant Shamus*
The Metroid nerd in me is sad right now. *Samus
pretty sure that was the joke…
Yeah, Shamus was my favorite secret character unlock where he would just shoot the shit out of everyone with a potato Gatling gun
You don’t unlock his true power until you pick up the Guinness or Jameson item though.
Mario Kart 64 was always on at the house in college with the 4th controller rotating out the loser after every race. Everyone would walk in throughout the day before/after class and pick up the sticks. That machine was a beast for pumping out hours on hours of MK64 daily.
“Drunk driving” was the best. You have to pull over while you drink your beer because drinking and driving is bad.
AKA Beerio cart
In the Midwest it was highly encouraged to drink while karting, only stop if you haven’t killed it before the finish.
The move is to complete all of your laps and right before you cross the finish line, chug the beer.
Gotta chug your beer right at the beginning of the race. Gets it out of the way and sets you up for solid items when you start in a close 4th place
If it’s obvious that someone will have to do an end of race chug (pretty typical on moo-moo farm) I’ll hang back and ram them over the finish line. They learn pretty quickly that if they can’t drink and drive to chug it at the start, but more often than not those people suck at kart anyways. Still hilarious.
Not if you’re a great drunk driver. Rolling the beginning of the first lap one handed while chugging your beer wins championships.
Steer with pinky, accelerate with thumb. Ultimate control and you keep a hand free to drink.
I missed so many classes because of Kart. One race on a Tuesday afternnon would turn into a drunken marathon
This, but with a GameCube and DoubleDash because it’s better.
It’s a fun game, but it’s no Mario Party.
Mario Party can be a cruel mistress come star time though.
Kordell Stewart was a beast on Blitz
this is the only time Kordell Stewart and beast will ever be in the same sentence
I disagree, it’s a very good game, but I think Mario Kart is the best party game ever.
GoldenEye. No Oddjob. If you play as Oddjob then fuck you.
With friends:
1: super smash bros
2: Mario kart
3: Mario party
4: WWF no mercy
5: Star Fox 64
Solo:
1:Mario 64
2: the legend of Zelda
3: snowboard kids
4: jet force Gemini
5: Pokémon snap.
Goldeneye not even in the top 5 is just disgusting.
No Banjo Kazooie either. Subpar take right here.
I know I know. I debated putting it in both categories. I don’t know why I didn’t. Probably cause I sucked at it and always got chopped to death. And banjo sucks I’m not sorry about that.
*The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
NHL Hitz was also an amazing game
Wayne Gretzky’s 3D hockey – one of the first games to come out.
I remember in a Nintendo Power preview for Gretzky they mentioned an Easter egg that put “the Devil” in the game. Turns out it was noted Slovakian national and former Buffalo Sabres winger Miroslav Satan. Never quite figured out if it was irony or just a nerd who didn’t realize he was a real player. Probably a nerd.
Steady mix of “Da Bomb” and “Criss Cross” hitting Alstott out of the backfield
I’m glad that you clarified NFL Blitz 2001 instead of just original NFL Blitz. Still get hammered and play this with my friends on pretty much a weekly basis