Stop Forcing Your Vacation Pictures On Unsuspecting Loved Ones

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I always hate when my friends and family go on vacation. I know that sounds like a total asshole thing to admit, and I’m not going to deny that. I’m an asshole. Let’s just get that out of the way now. But the reason I hate for the people I love to travel the world isn’t due to the fact that I’m jealous or worried for their safety or will miss them (a few weekends without pretending that I’m considering plans before bailing? Count me TF in). No, the reason I hate when people I’m close to go on trips is for one reason and one reason only: The pictures.

You see, in this day in modern technology, not only does everyone always have a camera with them, but every person thinks they’re a GD photographer. I mean, with portrait mode and VSCO, we really only have ourselves (and Apple) to blame. So, naturally, whenever we go on a trip, an embarrassing amount of time is spent contorting our bodies into positions to get “the perfect shot.” We’ll crawl through the fucking rainforests of Costa Rica to get a picture of a flower or we lay on the ground in the middle of a bustling city to get an awkward shot of a temple that absolutely offends all of the locals nearby.

And honestly, while all of that is shameful, I totally get it. The amount of shoddy pictures of sunsets and sand dunes I have on my phone is actually stupid. I can’t even hold music on my phone, that’s how many horrible pictures I have. And yet, that doesn’t stop me. I will continue to hold down the button on my phone and take 45 burst photos in the hopes that one will be gram-worthy and totally forget to delete the other 44.

But the one thing I will never do, the one thing I implore you all not to do, is force your shitty vacation pictures upon your loved ones.

Just like a flasher or someone who pushes someone’s head down during oral, forcing people to look at your vacation album is actually a form of torture. A form of harassment. A form of abuse.

It starts out innocently enough. I mean, the first thing people ask you when you get back from a trip is “how was it?!” It’s not so much that they care. I mean, they do, a little bit. But it’s more the fact that it’s something different to talk about other than the fact that you can’t drink like you used to in college or that you still haven’t done your taxes. So, you scramble for something different to discuss, only to remember that, praise be, they just went on vacation. I mean, sure, you threw them some likes on Instagram, but that was more of a reflex than anything. You didn’t remember, you didn’t care, and you know they’re going to say it was great. But still, it’ll get you through the awkward time before everyone is buzzed and talks about their sex lives.

So, you ask. No, you beg them to tell you how the hell it really was. You’re enthusiastic, you’re excited, and you’re making solid eye-contact. Their egos start to feed off of that shit. They’re smiling, feeling good, and regaling you with a drawn-out story about how they wanted to go on an excursion at their touristy, all-inclusive resort but it got rained out (how is that the whole story?!) when it dawns on them. Almost in slow motion, half of the couple turns to the other half and says, “We should show them our pictures!”

At this point, there’s literally nothing the group sitting on the couch with frozen smiles plastered on their faces can say. Sure, they’ll be asked if they want to see pictures from the trip, but there’s only one answer to that. After giving a forced, “Oh my God, yes,” while hoping they read the pain in your eyes, you’ll be subjected to 15-45 minutes of true torment, where you have to “ohh” and “aww” over photo after photo that, quite literally, doesn’t look like anything to you.

And honestly? There’s nothing we, as bystanders can do. We can’t say that “no, of course, we don’t want to see 17 blurry pictures of you outside of a pyramid, thank you very much.” That’s just not an option. We have to just sit there and take it, hoping that someone drops dead before the ~adventurers~ come up with the idea to AirPlay it on their TV. The only way this horrible cycle will end is if we’re all proactive. We all have to look the facts in the face and accept that literally no one cares how our vacations are. Even our parents don’t want to see our 425 pictures. By the end of our presentations, they’ll wish they would have worn a condom the night we were conceived.

So, let’s all make a deal, shall we? We will never, ever, under any circumstances, ask if someone wants to see trip pictures. We will not offer. We will not hint. If, and ONLY if, someone asks to see them, we’ll limit it to no more than 10 completely unique experience shots. Keep them begging for more. Make your pictures hard to get. Don’t be an image slut. By doing that, we can change the way that vacation pictures are viewed. Literally. And maybe then we can stop avoiding our friends for months after they get back from their backpacking trips for fear of being invited to a “themed dinner and trip recap” event. *shudders*.

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Rachel Varina

if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com

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