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I had a few green beers over the weekend. There’s a time in a place for everything. But there should never be a reason to put glitter in beer. I am a 100 percent advocate that beer means something different to every person and everyone should feel empowered to drink what they want, but no sensible human should crave a beer that sparkles. If you go to a party where someone has glitter, there’s a 99% chance you’re finding it somewhere on your body two months later. It’s a jarring experience. Now imagine what that glitter would do to your insides. I don’t care how good the Instagram looks. This is where I draw the line.
I’ve heard noise of glitter IPAs gaining popularity for a while, but I never saw it as a real trend. Kind of like Dogfish Head brewing with the active ingredients in mace. It’s a gimmick, but not one with staying power that might actually lead to its adoption from other brewers. But that all changed when I read that Fort Worth’s Collective Brewing Project made a beer with 30 boxes of Peeps and a heavy dosage of “edible glitter.
Collective Brewing isn’t the first, and it surely won’t be the last to brew a beer with edible glitter, but is this really a trend people want? I get why this has become a phenomenon. It’s the perfect beer for 2018. It really pops in the Clarendon filter on Instagram. And with millennials going into debt just to become Instagram famous these days, having a shot of sparkling beer would definitely liven up the timeline. But think of the digestive repercussions. According to the FDA, edible glitter isn’t even really that edible and is basically the same stuff you’d find at an arts and crafts store. Perhaps you’ve consumed some purple ketchup in your day or tested out activated charcoal (whole different conversation). The results the day after consuming aren’t pleasant, and I for one don’t want to find out what happens when glitter interacts with my small intestine.
For me, glitter beer is the next iteration of that crazy fondant bakers put on their cakes in cooking shows. Yeah, it looks cool as hell, but it’s barely edible and you basically have to remove it to get to the good stuff underneath. Thankfully, some brewers are already fighting back. A group of Louisville brewers already voiced their displeasure on Twitter, and I have a feeling they won’t be the last ones to do so. Maybe I’m becoming the old man yelling at cloud meme, or maybe this is a Randy Marsh-focused South Park episode waiting to happen. You be the judge. Cheers!.
[via NBCDFW.com]
Respond
@TaylorLaabs
@taylor1laabs
I’ve been drinking glitter beer for years.
It’s called ordering a Miller Lite at a strip club.
You can get better beer and glitter in Montreal.
Well, he is 1/4 Canadian.
It’s a CIA psy-ops tactic to incrementally increase the reflective properties of the ocean after our sewerage gets flushed into it in order to mirror more sung light around the globe to melt the polar ice caps faster and to also heat up the ionosphere to cause more severe weather patterns in order to passive aggressively depopulate the planet because we have way too many people, obv lol
Nah the suns reflection off the glitter blinds incoming ICBMs causing them to blow up over uninhabited areas like Alberta. Much more cost effective than the billions being spent on ICBM defense each year.
Someone in Cincinnati made one, and I see zero appeal in it. Also, imagine how hard it is to clean glitter off all your stuff. Now imagine how hard it is to clean it off of all of your brewing equipment, out of your kegs, out of the tap lines, off of the glasses… If you make a glitter beer, all your beer will be glitter beer.
I hope this doesn’t mean glitter poops are coming to the insta feed
Not unless you find vajazzling a turn on.
No, we do not.
No
The answer is why not? If someone wants a beer with glitter, fuck it. Let them have a beer with glitter. You never have to touch it if you don’t want to.
You speak as if you the glitter laced “next day” implications are a bad thing.