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I am the shell of a human. I am no longer me, but just a walking sack of bones and carbs and skin. I woke up this morning to the room literally spinning and all of the moisture sucked from my body. The fact that I’m sort of sitting up and looking at a screen is a miracle. You all are here to bear witness to a miracle. Can you feel it?
Anyway, for the past month, I have been on the straight and narrow. I’ve consumed plenty of water, done some yoga, eaten lots of fresh fruits and veggies, and completely gave up alcohol. It wasn’t for noble reasons. I want to lose 9 pounds.
Still, with a friend coming into town for the weekend, I decided to reward myself for a job well done by completely destroying any and all progress I made to better my body and save my money. Behold. The cold, hard evidence that I lost all dignity, self-control, and semblance of a healthy lifestyle.
Friday
What I Spent:
– 3 sundresses and 2 pairs of sunglasses, $46.53
– 2 bottles of cheap ass Champagne, $10.26
– Therapy, $60
– Shitty nachos, $11
After losing a good 30 pounds in the past 6ish months (yes, I’m bragging), I figured it was time to update the old wardrobe. It was the first semi-warm day in Austin that I had experienced in a while, and as I left my apartment without a jacket, I figured, fuck it. It’s sundress season, bitches.
After hitting up Plato’s Closet, I waltzed across the street to Total Wine and got two bottles of the cheapest Champagne available. I knew I would be drinking this weekend, but I wanted the lowest calorie option. Besides, I think making Champagne my go-to drink is an exciting move in my life. Then, with alcohol in my backseat, I headed to my weekly therapy sesh. Highly advised for all. Still, after an hour of talking about my problems, I was ready to pop open those bottles when I got home and start the weekend right. The SO and I hung out for awhile before walking across the street to a new bar that opened, having some beers, and devouring the worst nachos I’ve maybe ever had.
How I Saved:
I mean, Plato’s Closet is always the cheap answer for clothes, so no regrets there. By having the Champagne, I was able to get a few drinks in before going over to the bar. And while I did not pick up the tab for drinks, I did offer to grab us some food, so I call it a draw.
Where I Should Have Saved:
Did I neeeeeed more sunglasses, considering I already have a million pairs? No. Did I need both bottles of Champagne? Also no. Were the nachos a mistake? Absolutely. But you live and learn, and sunglasses and salty carbs will always be my weakness.
Saturday
What I Spent:
– Sushi burrito, $11
– Groceries at Whole Foods, $22.36
Saturday, we decided that we wanted to check out the new downtown library that recently opened up. That said, going to the downtown library on a Saturday afternoon is not the time to go. It was hell. I waited in line to get a library card for 30 minutes before giving up, putting my books on a random shelf, and just leaving. After the painful library incident, I needed to regroup, so we headed over to a cozy, Sicilian pizzeria called Frank and Angie’s. We split a small pepperoni pizza and cannoli, and even though I offered to go halfsies on the bill, my mans picked up the check. With a newfound pep in my step, we went to Whole Foods to get a few groceries, and I got a sushi burrito to have for dinner because, at this point, my diet was destroyed.
How I Saved:
I’m in a relationship, so I didn’t pay for lunch.
Where I Should Have Saved:
You know what? I don’t really regret any of these Saturday decisions. I had a lovely day, I didn’t end up getting a library card which would have resulted in overdue fees, and the sushi burrito was a revelation.
Sunday
What I Spent:
– 2 vodka sodas at Lucille, $11
– Some sort of alcohol at Lustre Pearl, $16
– 2 vodka sodas at Container bar, $10
– Korean wings and kimchi fries, $17.85
And then, there was Sunday. The day it all went to shit. My morning started out productive as anything. I woke up at 7 a.m., got some work done, ate a healthy breakfast. And then, around 12, is when things started going downhill. The Champagne came back out. The shots began. I got a ride to Rainey street to meet up with my friends. We bar hopped until like, 9, and then we hit up Chi’Lantro in an attempt to soak up all the alcohol and be functioning members of society the next day.
How I Saved:
I’m going to be honest, there wasn’t much saving that was done yesterday. I balled TF out at dinner, getting both fries and wings (unnecessary), and I’m not sure why the whole “buying each other drinks” thing happens, but every time I’d get a drink, I’d offer to buy someone else’s as well. Still, I did bring a flask full of vodka, which I promptly dumped in my drinks to cut back on purchasing overprices drinks at the bar, so I’ll give myself points for that one. Plus, I didn’t have to get an Uber, so that was ideal.
Where I Should Have Saved:
I should have stayed home. I should have done my yoga. I should have had a salad for dinner and some lemon water to wash it down. I should have done everything differently. I mean, I didn’t even get a solid Insta so like, what was the point?
Total: $216
So, it’s not the most expensive weekend I’ve ever had, but it absolutely felt like a bender. I drank all weekend. I had three consecutive cheat days as opposed to the one cheat meal I had planned, and I have that crippling “I was a dumb, drunk bitch yesterday” anxiety coursing through my veins.
Instead of waking up today feeling refreshed, revived, and ready to take on the week, I’m forcing myself not to get an HBCB at Whataburger and taking Dramamine for my nausea. And if looking up my credit card statement was rough, I can’t imagine how it’s going to feel to step on a scale. Odds are, I gained more than just a painful hangover and some more credit card debt this weekend..
Respond
Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
@rachelvarina
@rachelvarina
This is what you call a bender? One day of slightly elevated drinking a bender does not make, my friend.
This is why we get no respect from older generations.
Totally agree. Where are the hookerbots and floozies?
I’m gonna have my own bender, with hookers and blackjack!
Her definition of a bender and my definition are very, very different.
Name checks out…
This is the cheapest bender of all-time.
I wish my bender weekends resulted in only spending $216
One bender weekend won’t undo all of your progress. Losing 30 lbs in 6 months is super impressive! Just hop back on the healthy bandwagon today and you’ll be fine in the long run.
You know you’re getting old when a bender entails eating like you’re in college rather than drinking like you’re in college.
Going to the grocery store after a meal is a pro move. Really makes you realize all the stupid shit you buy when you go hungry. Pizza is just taking it to another level, suddenly the healthy options at the store look better when you’re feeling the pain (pleasure) of a greasy pizza in your belly
What’re your thoughts on the sushi burrito? We have one that opened up here and I thought it was trash.
Sushi burrito is confirmed trash. Which is upsetting because I was so excited to try it.
Got that “Your checking account has reached a balance of zero dollars” email this morning. Life is good
Just a tip for staying on the weight loss wagon, I presume you went with cooks or Andre extra dry, Might not taste or sound like it, but it’s is on the high end of the spectrum when it comes to sugar level in champagne.
This is not a bender. A bender involves much more alcohol, typically some type of stimulants/performance enhancers, and a much higher price tag. (See most of the “Worst Weekend” series)