======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I’m either dating the coolest girl in the world, or I’m in for a world of pain come this Wednesday.
When Jennie told me that she didn’t want to go out on Valentine’s Day, I immediately sensed a trap. No matter her protests of the holiday being overrated (it is), with forced romanticism (too true), and overcrowded restaurants serving limited menus at exorbitant prices (preach, baby!), I was suspicious. No girl feels this nonchalantly about the most Instagrammable holiday of the year, and I know my girl is no different.
But she continued to follow this script, assuring me that she was content to have a Galentine’s Day in solidarity with her single friends on the 14th, instead of a romantic/pressure-filled night with me. It sounds great, and we’ve already coordinated something special for February 13th where we can spend the night together with drinks, a reasonably priced dinner, and laughter at the poor souls engaging in the rat race the following night. Yet I’m still wary that this could be a trap.
You see, I know Jennie has a history of being cooler than the other side of the pillow, but I can’t fight this feeling that she might be expecting something bigger. It’s our first Valentine’s Day as a couple; that comes with a lot of pressure. This is also our first major holiday as an official couple unless we’re counting Martin Luther King Day. How I handle this holiday can have vast ramifications on the future of our relationship. If I flub this, I could be in the doghouse for months. If I kill it, I’ll be swimming in good boyfriend vibes forever. The question is can I trust her assurances that she doesn’t want to take things too seriously?
Let’s say I am being bamboozled, that this is some giant test concocted by her and her friends to see how well I do in the “significant other mind-reading” skill. If I do the standard guy move and take her words at face value, I’m going to look like I don’t care. But if I go the other way, and blow my load when she really does want the simple night, now I’m the asshole because I’m making it seem like she is the one who doesn’t care. It’s like a 4-dimensional Mexican standoff and it’s frying my brain.
On top of the mind-games (or non-mind-games…gah!) there is the baseline question of how much is expected for a first Valentine’s Day in general? I mean, this is our first romantic holiday; it’s going to set the baseline for all future V-Days, birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries, and the like. If I play it conservatively, she’ll think I don’t give holidays their proper due. But if I go all-out, I’ve set myself an impossible standard that I can’t possibly hit again.
Is chocolate too much? Flowers? Stupid cute little trinkets that go with chocolate or flowers? Jewelry? Is the restaurant I picked nice enough? Too nice? Should I pull the surprise gift move, or is that too big a move?
This is the D-Day, the Super Bowl, the final showdown of dating. I’ve been steeling myself for this for the last two months, mulling my options over and over, wondering how this is going to go down. Now, the plan is in place, unfurled in my mind’s eye like Kevin McCallister’s plan of attack to foil the Wet Bandits. Vetted by my friends, planned to nearly the minute, it’s ready to go, but far from a sure success. I have a ballpark of what is expected of what is expected, what might be too much or too little. But of course, as I am one to do, I’m going to overanalyze the shit out of the day.
To all you other poor souls, embarking on your first Valentine’s Day as a couple with no clue what the expectations are or how you’re going to deal with whatever awkwardness that might arise good luck. I wish I had some words of wisdom, some kind advice, or assurances that it will all work out. All I can say to you is to do your best to show that special someone your true feelings and your true self. 2018 is the year of shooting your shot. That doesn’t just apply to asking out the pretty girl at work or the cute guy at the gym. It means being willing to let yourself be yourself, and go for someone that matters. What better day than February 14 to take that shot. .
Respond
@joshetyler
@joshetyler
Bring her flowers to dinner on the 13th. That way, when she wakes up on the 14th and sees the flowers at home in a vase, she’ll still feel special and Valentine’s Day-y, even though you two aren’t actually doing anything that day.
Spot on. It’s your first holiday together so she’s feeling the pressure too. Show her you care with the flowers and the early celebration dinner but believe her when she says she doesn’t want a fuss. It’s 2018, good women don’t play mind games.
Or bring a bottle of Tequila Rose. That way, when she wakes up on the 14th and sees the bottle at home on the night stand, she’ll still feel the gut rot of your creative non-flower gesture.
I can support with this move. Honestly, all I really want is a nice card and maybe flowers if we’re really pushing it.
Oooorrr you could just trust that she’s a mature adult and when she says she doesn’t want to do anything she means it? If she says she doesn’t want anything and then gets mad when she doesn’t get anything there’s a lesson in communication. Enough of this “she said xyz but I’m going to ignore that because I think I know what she reeaallly means” bullshit.
This is kinda like meeting vs. exceeding expectations. Like yes, if she said that she doesn’t want anything and you don’t in fact get her anything, then there’s nothing REALLY wrong with that. But if she said she didn’t want anything and you surprise her with flowers, you get brownie points for days.
Maybe I’m just misreading things, but growing up, my dad would always bring my mom flowers on March 8 for International Women’s Day and it always made her day.
The part about your dad getting your mom flowers on International Women’s Day… I am deceased. My dad signs his cards to my mom with his full name. It started as an accident and he kept it up for the 35+ years my parents have been married.
But if the expectation is that you’re going to listen to and trust her when she says this holiday is bogus/stressful let’s ignore it then you’re not really exceeding the expectation, you’re ignoring it in favor of your own logic.
Here’s a poem you can read to your boyfriend on Wednesday.
I hate Valentine’s, I hate it I say!
I hate all of it in the worst possible way.
I don’t want your flowers, and teddy bears and trinkets!
Wine is also unoriginal, I don’t want to drink it!
Please don’t make a fuss, I have no expectation.
And miss me with feelings, They’ll only cause exasperation.
Alright fine, I’ll go to dinner. It’ll do in a pinch.
But in no way am I celebrating! Signed, The Valentine’s Grinch.
Thank u <3.
You’re thinking in extremes; not everything is black or white. There’s a very fine line between going all out on a $400 dinner and bringing her a bouquet of flowers the night before.
Did you get dumped on Valentine’s Day or something?
Yeah, holy shit. I’ve never seen someone so triggered over flowers before.
If it makes you ladies feel better I feel the same way about xmas. It’s a bit harder to completely ignore that one because my family, friends, and colleagues are not as naturally pragmatic, sullen, and anti capitalism as I am but I do my best to bring transparency to the holiday season.
“not as…anti capitalism as I am ”
Bingo. You should check out Venezuela, I think you’d love it. Thanks to socialism, no one celebrates Valentine’s Day or Christmas or any other evil capitalist holiday. In fact, I hear that a true holiday in Venezuela is when you’re lucky enough to find an unused roll of toilet paper or a week-old hunk of bread.
Might do. My last boyfriend was Danish and I lived in Scandinavia for a bit and quite enjoyed. Very nice to not live in an endless misery cycle of gluttony. 10/10 would do again.
So what’s holding you back?
This is why Thanksgiving > X-mas. All the food and family without getting / giving gifts that people don’t like enough to purchase themselves.
IT’S A TRAP
This is why you date a girl/guy who works in public accounting. No shot you see them during February anyway
Can confirm.
It me.
10/10 would rather be sent a pizza than flowers any day
Sup
Combine this with the above – flowers on the 13th – send a heart shaped pizza from dominos on the 14th with a card that says “I hope this isn’t too cheesy”
My first date with my boyfriend of two years was 10 days before Valentine’s Day. We both agreed that we didn’t think we should do anything special for the day and planned on not seeing each other at all. His heat went out in the middle of the night, and I invited him to come over so he could at least have a decent night’s sleep. The next day, he got me pizza as a thank you and it started our tradition of pizza on Valentine’s Day.
Long story short, whatever you do, she’ll enjoy so maybe start a fun tradition!
If she likes wine, get her a dozen rosés (a variety of cheaper bottles and a couple decent bottles). Creativity points for days, and you can bust open the first bottle together for a lowkey celebration when she gets back from Galentine’s.
Wtf do you have any idea how much this would cost? If I said don’t do anything for v day and he did this I would be weirded out at best. If she says don’t do anything Listen. To. Her.
I did it a couple years ago and I think it ran me like $80 and some change so it wasn’t too bad. Now that I type this out, you’re right. Don’t listen to me. I’m a psycho.
I would take her at her word that she doesn’t care. Since y’all are new, maybe get her something small but don’t go all out. Next year you can play the “let’s get a pizza and stay in” game.
Pro tip to you and all the fellas out there: Bring your significant other flowers randomly throughout the year. You can get a nice bouquet for like $12 and rewards are well worth it.
I wonder what Dorn will be doing. Probably going to Matt’s El Rancho, again
Just looking for the sizzle with his girl
Flowers, chocolate, nice card, dinner. That’s all you need.
Side note: my boyfriend and I go to Waffle House every year for Valentine’s Day. It is by far my favorite tradition.
I also told my boyfriend I didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day. It’s not a game, it’s not a trap, it’s just a stupid “holiday.” Sounds like if she’s secure enough in her relationship to do a Galentine’s Day thing with her single friends instead of worrying about an Instagram post, she’s not playing games with you. She’s a keeper
on the other side of the coin, i flat out told my boyfriend getting flowers would mean the world to me. not everything has to be a trap or a game!
Flowers. Nothing more (other than a simple card, maybe), nothing less.