======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I took a job straight out of college. It wasn’t exactly what I had dreamed of doing, but I very quickly fell in love with the work. I lucked out with a phenomenal boss who taught more than I ever learned in college. My boss was great, my team was great, my workload was just right.
Then, about ten months ago, my boss announced his retirement. It was somewhat to be expected, and he claimed that my teammate and I could pilot the ship by ourselves. Senior leadership let us know that there would be no backfill and that my teammate and I would be splitting the remaining work between us. Sounded like fun.
It really hasn’t been that bad. We’ve gotten into a good groove and everything has been running smoothly. As the holidays approached and the office was full of cheer, my only teammate decided to hit me up on Skype one day (you know since I live the remote employee dream).
hey man version 1.6 is good to go and ready for your review
Okay sounds good
Sweet…btw my last day is Wednesday. Let me know if you need anything before I bounce
Gotta love the six-day notice. Then I learned that there was no backfill for him either. So here I stand, abandoned, tackling the workload of three people all by myself.
I. Am. So. Fucked.
Not only did he pull a Jim Irsay on me, he did not leave a lot behind to help me in my transition. He did write me some instructions for a few tasks I am extremely unfamiliar with, however, there are five times as many tasks where I am stuck in the dark. Imagine a soldier being dropped off in the middle of the desert. He’s highly trained and skilled with a rifle, and can fare his own on land. Suddenly his platoon leader asks him to fly a helicopter full of supplies to a nearby base. He has always seen everyone else fly a helicopter, but he has never sat in a cockpit in his life. That’s me, and I would probably crash the helicopter into the side of a mountain.
On the outside, I don’t plan on a full-blown crash and burn, however, the dark reality is settling in the back of my mind. My dream is to continue to kick ass and crush all my new job tasks with ease. My annual review is in a couple months, and I would love to prove that I don’t need anyone else hired, but would gladly accept a raise equal to one half of the new help’s salary instead. That seems plausible, right?
You know what else seems plausible? That I single-handedly, yet not intentionally, burn my entire division to the ground. Just think of almost 200 employees running out of a burning building screaming while I just stand outside staring into the flames. There I stand, the only man who could have prevented the flames, the only man that could extinguish the flames, yet I watch the scorching inferno helplessly.
Six programs, six directors, all with a strictly technological background, relying on me to control their projects’ finances. I cannot trust any of them to help me get anything done correctly, yet I cannot trust myself to get everything done without dying inside. This is my demise. This is my story. I am the Lone Project Controller..
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
@delph_13
@gdelph13
gdelph
That’s my favorite line “their workload will be absorbed by the team”… oh really? Is their pay also being absorbed by the team? No? Sounds good.
Here I am thinking you had 10 employees just randomly walk out.
I feel like 10 employees walking out is more manageable than 2 tight partners. It’s easier to justify hiring support in a timely manner
Boss promised 10 new employees by January. January is here, our net gain in employees is 0 and I am but one dolphin. I’ll take my pound of flesh at the annual review though otherwise theyll have 0 dolphins
This is a huge oppurtunity for you. Beleive in yourself and crush it as best you can, good luck!
An opportunity to work really really hard and be rewarded with a $500 bravo award and a ‘huge’ 4% raise instead of the standard 2.5%.
Does “huge opportunity” mean “great chance to find a new job”? Because I’d agree, this gives him a few months to make his job look even more impressive on the ol’ resume. He’s sure as hell not going to get anything of value from the current employer.
I suppose it could mean either of the above. Either way, if he works hard and pulls this off, he should (hopefully) receive a raise or make his job look much more impressive on the resume. Just trying to stay positive guys lol
Light. The. Place. On. Fire….then light the insurance company that covers your company on fire. Then light the bank that lends to them on fire. Then light the prison you’ll be sentenced to on fire before you light the courthouse you’ll be sentenced in on fire and then burn the White House on fire just because lol
And if you have enough gasoline left, go find your teammates who abandoned you and light them on fire. You’d be doing their families a favor by cremating them because cemeteries are fucking dumb and a waste of valuable space. Then start a start-up that disrupts every industry by committing arson and then lets grab a beer after
lol
Good luck my friend. What’s that proverb about the Chinese symbol for crisis being the same one as opportunity? I remember some Instagram model saying that once. Oh well. Go crush it Delph. Stunt on the haters.
*Quotes Wolf of Wallstreet*
“How else would you do this job, cocaine and hookers my friend.”
“24/7 365, every day, every god damn century.”
Well there you have you Delph, live by these wise words and you’ll be running that office in no time.
Project Controller would be a cool movie title
Sounds like they now need you more than you need them. If you ever leave then the company is screwed. Use this to negotiate a huge raise, or threaten to leave and fish for other offers.
Sounds like a huge opportunity to be one of the few whose company needs them more than they need the company. Kill it for the next few months and then rake in the cash. Really pimp out the home office.
With the budget in the past 8 years your soldier analogy isn’t that far off.