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The best part of waking up is folgers in your cup. While this exact sentiment may not ring true, the concept still exists today. Some people may certainly enjoy a nice hot cup of folgers to start their day. Others may be more of a cold brew fan. And then there’s those weirdos that like tea. Regardless of your preference, what I’m getting at is that your morning kick in the pants should be something you look forward to and something you enjoy. And that is why you deserve better than your office coffee bar.
I don’t know about you, but the coffee at my office sucks. It’s old, cold, and has a hint of mold. Okay, that last part might be exaggerating, but maybe it’s not. We’ll never know. The coffee’s only flavor is that it’s slightly burnt, and I didn’t even know that was possible. Instead of tasting the richness of coffee beans straight from Columbia, you’re tasting kidney beans from Kansas.
And don’t even get me started on the creamer. While I, a man, typically like my coffee black like my heart, I do sometimes like to feel like a fancy lad and use coffee creamer to pumpkin spice things up a bit. The coffee creamer at my office is powdered. What am I supposed to do with that?! Last time I used it I did a line of it at my office cafeteria and got ‘weird looks’ and was told to ‘not show up at the office for the rest of the week’… whatever that means. #funemployed?
Your situation may not be exactly like mine, and heck, maybe you’re fine with your mundane coffee at your office. But you have so many more options out there and I’d like to present them to you.
Keurig
This is my ‘ish. My roomie bought a keurig and it has been an absolute game changer. Coupled with buying the K cups in bulk from Costco and you have yourself a delicious cup of coffee for about 50 cents a pop. The initial startup cost may be a bit steep, but the investment will practically pay for itself within one month. If you don’t already have one I suggest you put this on your Christmas list from Santa.
Cold Brew
“Hello, sweet prince.” This is what I hear every time I take my morning’s first sip of cold brew. While this is more of a warm weather drink, occasionally during these dark times of winter you may need a little reminder of sunshine from those summer days. It’s the same concept as drinking a corona and lime when its 20 degrees out because you can’t afford a vacation or have the PTO to go somewhere tropical. You know what that taste is? It’s hope. Hope that you can survive through winter and get to feel the warm rays of sunshine hug your skin like the blanket you’re wrapped in right now.
French Press
Bonjour! If you enjoy a bon cup of coffee with your croissant in the morning while reading the arts section of your location newspaper then this one may be for you. The container looks classy AF and can be placed on your counter to show your house guests that you’re a bit more sophisticated than those heathens drinking office coffee in a styrofoam cup. All this can be yours for only $30, or less than one week’s cost than your next option below.
Starbucks
This one’s for those big baller shot callers. The ones that make AT LEAST that mid-to-upper-mid 5-digit salary. Starbucks will cost you a pretty penny, but gosh darnet it’s delicious. Their coffees seem to range anywhere from $2 to $200 a cup, so it could put a bit of a dent in your savings. But as they say: life is too short to drink crappy coffee. Plus, we’re never going to be able to own homes anyway, so you might as well enjoy a delicious cup of joe while scrolling through apartment.com to search for a new place to live in because you couldn’t afford your rent payments due to your starbs addiction. Either way, this option is the most expensive but the most delicious. I suggest treating yo self to the ‘bucks a couple times a week at most and drinking homemade stuff for the remaining days.
Please note that you don’t have to pick just one of these options above! Mix it up a bit and get creative. Remember this next time you’re standing at your office coffee bar: You may not like your job, and you may not like where you live, but that doesn’t mean you have to dislike your cup of coffee.
Cheers..
Respond
@ellisnd02
@ellisnd
Actually, I probably don’t deserve better.
name checks out
My office has a tassimo brewer (never heard of it til here) AND will order any cups I want. Was one of the reasons I wanted to work here, thinking about the amount of money I’ll save on my morning and afternoon coffees.
We have free cold brew on tap here as well as free espresso so I’m lucky. I will say this though, cocaine operation workers get treated better than coffee plantation workers do plus they’re not backed by any corporations (only government black ledger budgets). Yes, it’s a more expense lifestyle routine but you’ll be supporting more humane working conditions plus you’ll be able to drink way more than usual and not have to sleep which will pay yourself back in lost time everyday so you can be more productive lol
Yes, but numbing my tastebuds with office coffee every day makes Starbucks coffee taste way better.
Starbucks coffee burns its beans as part of its process. If you’re getting a flavor, you’re probably not noticing it, but their black coffee and coldbrew options are really, really bad.
Also, I got a French press not because of “classiness,” but because it’s one the laziest way to make coffee that doesn’t involve a significant up-front investment. The beret and baguette just happened to come with it. Honest.
keurig is nasty, expensive, and terrible for the environment
Plus when you heat up water at the temperature of hot coffee and run it through a plastic device, it activates the synthetic oils and chemicals within the plastic….Big Coffee is doing passive aggressive population control because it knows it won’t be able to facilitate demand in the coming years due to our already too large of a population and the changes in climate impacting crop yields lol
That’s why I like the reusable cup. You fill it with your own coffee. No waste.
Get the Primula Cold Brew Carafe! its the shit. Special shoutout to Dave for giving me a dope ass review, before buying it.
Bought that off his recommendation as well. Very good product!
3 words… DEATH WISH COFFEE. The office hero we need, but not the one we all deserve.
Didn’t they just have a recall because of botulism concerns?
Guess it’s called Death Wish Coffee for a reason
only their canned nitro cold brew. I just buy the whole beans and cold brew myself with a Primula.
I wish our office had coffee. We don’t even have a water cooler.
I may be the HRbitch, but clearly you’re dealing with an HRseeeeeeeeyounexttuesday #AdvocateForYourEmployees
Ended up switching to green tea because of the quality of our office coffee.