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I moved from Long Island down to Burlington, NC at the ripe age of 13. Culture shock hit me harder than the Night King’s arm cannon hit Viserion, but so did the sweet Southern Belles. For 3 years I made George Strait proud; Shamelessly checking yes or no and cluelessly jumping from girl to girl as one thing or another (read: me, my stupidity, and my no reason boners) caused those relationships to fail. Then, my Junior year of High school, something magical happened. A senior, with a rack that would have made Y.C. weep, took interest in me in a biblical way.
Could it be love? I was hooked, and we dated for 2 years before she went away to college, banged all my friends I’d introduced her to, and made sure I’d be dead inside for the foreseeable future. So yeah, definitely love. However, my parents didn’t raise no quitter, and for the next 11 years I dated like my life depended on it. No capitalizing on laxtitutes in undergrad, no drunken swiping at the hotel bar on my business trips, just a string of year and a half to 3 year long train wrecks with next to no time in between. Which brings us to the present. I’m fresh off another 3 year-er, and, as the dust settles, I find myself truly single and without a bench for the first time in 13 years.
I know, I know, single-for-lifers, queue the tiny violins, but let’s be real. Serial Monogamy has plagued our generation, hell, probably every generation in some shape or form. I can’t speak for all of SM Nation, but I can definitely spew some conjecture. A true Serial Monogamist will create a vicious cycle fueled by one theme: while single, that feeling of being alone is more foreign, and therefore, more terrifying than being with that wrong guy/girl(/they). Personally, my MO was to get back with exes, or latch on to the nearest interested female. Inevitably, we’d fall back into the same patterns, same routines (shouts to Em), and end up crashing and burning. It’s your classic cramming 10 (or 20, or 47738473, depending on the relationship) pounds of shit into a 5-pound bag. Just because you’re theoretically closer to your goal doesn’t necessarily mean you’re actually on the path to reaching it.
So, here’s my call to action: if your relationship colostomy bag is full and you find yourself staring at the leftover, drop that shit (#puns) like your “friend” with the green texts and work on yourself. It may be scary, but opportunity doesn’t strike while you’re sitting in your comfort zone. Personally, I’ve scored a ‘scrip for a self-assigned 18 month dating hiatus; Not to say I won’t be whipping out my mommy-hunter hats on the weekends. Let’s see how far out of practice, drunken wink bombs can carry the team..
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I typically get to the 6 month point, realize it’s not going to work out, and then somehow stay with them for another year.
Same
Breaking up after a long relationship and being single again is a huge rush of anxiety and excitement
Same here man. Last 6 years have been a string of 1-2 year failed relationships and I find myself single and not wanting to do the same. While I “work on myself”, is it kosher to swipe and casually hook up or am I supposed to be in solitary from the mami’s?
When I initially entered that phase, I did the swiping/casually hookups/date thing for a while. That’s the fun part. Then the second wave is the- I have more fun with my friends, family, alone time than on mediocre dates. Then you become content with being with yourself, and open to the right relationship, while not needing one to make you happy. I look at it in stages, and can honestly say I’ve never been happier than being solo and living it up, versus wasting my time in a draining relationship.
Yeah, 0 shot of me putting the end-game more eloquently.
I will say I don’t want to be a part of a completely mami/mommy/mommi (we need a TB spell check ruling) free world, so I can’t condone walking away from the opportunity presented by some old fashion “fuck me” eyes at the bar. In the same breath, I’ve found swiping to be a slippery slope for someone with deep rooted SM tendencies (me). I don’t speak fluent fuckboy, so it was hard to keep things casual.
This used to be me. Eventually I realized that the one common denominator in my ~1 year former relationships was me. When I looked back on the pre-break up speeches my exes gave me and realized that they tended to mention the same things that bothered them, I realized that I had to change my behaviors if I were to ever have a successful life-long relationship.
How do you do that? Honestly, no fucking clue. It’s hard as fuck and I’m doing that now because my current girlfriend is someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with and I would be incredibly angry with myself if she left for the same reasons that others before her have.
Made the same realization. Happily married 22 years now.
22 years… look at the PGP target audience expanding.
Maybe he got married when he was 5.
Ellis over here always coming in with the solid, factual takes
#arrangedmarriage
Wow, I am married 10 this weekend, guess I’m no longer the wizened old man of PGP. Feel like a young buck.
Shitting 10 pounds cannot be healthy.
The shit has grown to over 80 Courics
I just really enjoyed the colostomy humor. As far as the serial monogamy, I think I’m the opposite, I never make it past a handful of dates. Either way dating sucks and I wish I didn’t have to do it. Guess it’s necessary to meet some of my life goals though.
I’m pretty shocked you found anyone worth dating in fuckin Burlington
Maybe I should have clarified for my own credibility, but I got out of there ASAP. Acknowledging the culture shock and embracing the culture shock are two very different things.
I may be crazy, but I feel like often times SMs are using relationships as a crutch to put off dealing with some internal shit, being okay with yourself and finding value in who you are apart from who you SO is. Obviously that’s a generalization, and not always the case. On the other hand, I enjoy being single, and even though I go on dates often enough, it usually doesn’t last long or get too serious (sup NurseJackie). Part of this is healthy I’m sure – all the loving myself and being comfortable without the support of others part – but I’m sure that part of it is my selfish, cold heart not wanting to open up or put in the work to make a real relationship happen and care about someone else. I guess we all have our issues.
I just got out of a 3+ year relationship built on a 3 year friendship starting when I was 18. Single for basically the first time in my life and it’s terrifying
I was born and raised in the next town over from Btown…never thought I’d see Burlington mentioned on this site. Respect fam.