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You have two choices this weekend.
The first is a large undertaking. We’re talking Ubers to and from brunch that are going to cost you in the ballpark of somewhere between $7.43 and $12.91, and that’s without the whole tip thing that they’re forcing you to do now. While at brunch, yeah, spending $10 on bottomless mimosas seems like a good idea, but so does that chicken and waffles that’ll make you want need a nap in the afternoon. If you go with a lighter choice, you’re faced with spending $13.95 on half of an avocado spread on a piece of bread. Fuck that.
Because you’ve got a buzz from brunch, day drinking somehow becomes less of a chore and more like the only idea in the entire world that will keep your momentum going. That $12.91 Uber now takes you to another bar rather than your apartment. A $22 bucket of Miller Lites later and you’re staring dinner directly in the face. You’re too drunk to go to the store and too lazy to make anything for yourself. Hop on OpenTable, and a few minutes later, you’re sending out a text to those who napped about the rezzie you made. Rallying the troops.
Cocktail, cocktail, cocktail, and all of the sudden you’re browned out at a bar where you can’t hear yourself think. But that’s probably a good thing because you’re blasted and know you have a two-day hangover coming your way. $12 vodka-soda after $12 vodka-soda and you come to in an Uber. 2.4x surge pricing. You pass out and wake up too destroyed to even move come Sunday morning. The next 12 hours are spent in front of the television watching football with the only steps you’re taking being the ones that take you from the couch to the front door where your equally hungover Favor driver drops off your third ordered meal of the day. You’re $200 in the hole, minimum.
Which brings us to your second option.
Random Tropical Paradise. Is it a movie that Grandex had a hand in producing? Yeah, it is. Is it also a movie we stand behind and laughed at because it’s hilarious? Also yes. The good news? It’s $.99. Yeah, less than a dollar. Less than the Ubers you could’ve taken. Less than that OpenTable reservation. Less than your bucket of beers.
The best part? It won’t ruin the next two days of your life and the only cost you may or may not incur is a bottom-shelf bottle of wine from the bodega down the street where the guy behind the counter knows you by name. An $8.99 Pinot, maybe a $12.99 Cab if you got paid this week.
Want better news? Even if you did go with option number one? It’s still only $.99 for you because they’re running a flash sale all damn weekend. And at that point, another dollar in your expensive weekend is a mere drop in the well. Enjoy. People are saying it’s the best way to cure the Sunday Scaries once that RedZone clock runs out.
Random Tropical Paradise is a feature-length comedy from Grandex Productions in conjunction with Shabash Films and Gunpowder & Sky Distribution that is an iTunes Best Seller. The film stars Bryan Greenberg (The Mindy Project), Brooks Wheelan (Saturday Night Live), Spencer Grammer (Rick and Morty), film legend Joe Pantoliano (The Sopranos, The Matrix, plus a billion other A+ works), Brittany Furlan (of Vine fame), Kyle Kinane (Funny People), and more. Check out the trailer before you rent your $0.99 copy and you’ll see what all the hype on Entertainment Tonight, @Midnight, Entertainment Weekly Radio, Hollywood Reporter, and more was all about. Or, see what TFM had to say about it as well. .
You know I was really enjoying this article until I realized it was a shameless fucking plug.
First red flag should have been “PGP Admin”.
I’m gonna watch football and get torched on $20 miller lite buckets.
Livin’ that litty life
God that sounds great.
I need some friends.
I’m trying to buy things from ManOutfitters but the apple pay function is down and I’m driving so I don’t want to go through the trouble of reading my credit card number and typing it in. That’s how I’m saving money.
Yep. Been broken for days
Actually, it should be back up.
Shoutout to powerful Trevor Hughes and the IT guy
Still would rather spend the $200
Can I just venmo Madison $2 instead? Pls advise.
Shooters gotta shoot I guess…
I’ll save everyone the trouble, it’s not worth 99¢.
If you reallllly want to watch it and see for yourself, just watch it on primewire
I’d consider it if it was $0.69 instead of $0.99
Nice
You could buy a Tacito from 711 and then find @vaginator’s house and then diarrhea shit/throw up all over his front steps….I’m 29 years old by the way
god damn he got mad about this one lmao. What a loser.
@vaginator
Pretty sure he’s a sexually frustrated 15 year old with a face full of zits taking his anger out on us.
Or a north Korean spy. Either way no shame in your plan, Nived.
I sort of seriously worry about that person’s mental health. Seek help vaginator.
Silver, I like how were added to his shit list.