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There’s never been a time in my life where poor grooming has kept me from engaging in extracurricular activity with someone. That’s not a brag either – I’m actually quite ashamed of it in hindsight because I got to thinking about it late last night and I really had no idea the lengths that women are willing to go for men. Like, just consider blow jobs for a second. The word “job” is in the title, how much fun could that possibly be?
The other day I was watching some mindless television show and a commercial came on for this birth control that goes inside of a woman’s arm. It lasts for a few years and it just looks like a tiny piece of plastic. Birth control is probably the most obvious example of women going out of their way to please a man, and I know that it’s a touchy subject for some people but I think it’s important that I mention it because outside of getting a vasectomy, there isn’t really anything that men can do about preventing a woman from becoming pregnant (other than wearing a condom, obviously).
The daily reminders to take the birth control, the visits to OB/GYN’s office to make sure that everything is in working order… it all just sounds so exhausting. Could you imagine if doctors started telling men that they had to put a piece of plastic in their arm for three, four, or five years so that their sperm wouldn’t reproduce? We’d have hissy fits. I mean, I bitch and moan about a yearly check up with my family doctor where I lie about how many drinks per week I have. If I had to start seeing an OB/GYN, I’d be complaining non-stop.
And then there’s the waxing. Blame men and blame the media for unrealistic beauty expectations. Whoever is at fault should be ashamed. That being said, I am appreciative of the waxing. It’s awesome. Could I do it? Absolutely not. We’ve all seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I’m all set, thanks.
I touched on poor grooming above and you should have already known exactly what I was talking about. Pubic hair. Another touchy subject, I know, but I think a lot of men get too caught up in their partners having Brazilians every time they have sex. It’s unrealistic, expensive, and hypocritical when the only thing men do is maybe, MAYBE, take an old beard trimmer to their meat and two veg every month or so.
Bush is back in a big way as of late, and while I can honestly say that I’m not a huge fan of it, having a bush or even just a little bit of hair down there is not a deal breaker for me, nor should it be for you. Here’s the bottom line: if we’re naked and about to get down to business, an unwaxed bathing suit region isn’t going to deter me.
I don’t care what kind of high-end sugar wax you’re using – getting waxed sounds absolutely miserable. That’s not to mention the fact that a full waxing costs upwards of a hundred dollars a month (and rest assured your girlfriend does do it once a month because once you start getting waxed you can’t go back to just regular shaving). There’s a higher chance of developing ingrown hairs when you do this sort of waxing and then try to go back to shaving with a razor which means that girls are spending around a thousand dollars a year just so that the guys they have sex with won’t see any hair on their nether regions.
And then there’s the makeup. Another expense that men simply don’t. have. to. deal. with. Hours upon hours spent fine tuning how to get a proper cat eye and figuring out if lipstick is the move on this particular Friday night or if a balm of some sort would be a better look.
Outfit changes, worrying about what they’ll look like from certain angles, and even, on occasion, sacrificing a great outfit on some shitty sports bar to watch fucking football with you. It’s all ridiculous and I just wanted to say that I truly appreciate it. The amount of shit that women put up with and put themselves through to be looked at adoringly by men is outside the realm of comprehension and, for that, I have to say this: thank you.
Are all of these things I mentioned pretty absurd when you really think about it? One hundred percent. Are they also awesome? I mean birth control is an amazing drug. And is waxing, while incredibly unnecessary in my eyes, cool as fuck? One hundred percent.
Could you possibly find me hammered drunk at a bar in Chicago this weekend belting out the lyrics to “Who Run The World? (Girls)” by Beyonce? Hundo p. .
Image via Youtube
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jduda@grandex.co
“Birth control is probably the most obvious example of women going out of their way to please a man”. Nah, dude, I think they just don’t want to get pregnant.
This is correct
Can confirm, birth control has nothing to do with pleasing the man. Appreciate Duda’s recognition of the fact that it is an extra annoyance of life, though.
Guys, everyone should be on birth control/sterilized. I live 3.5 miles away from my office and it took an hour and 10 minutes to get there because of normal everyday traffic. There’s too many god damn people on this planet. Don’t ask me why I drove to my office today, yes I was being lazy and selfish but is it as selfish as adding another future commuting office worker to grid lock just to make wealthy people even more wealthy? ;(
Learn to ride a bicycle. Or jog.
Yeah jog to work so you’re nice and sweaty when you show up. Bikers are the worst.
I know. I hate people who ride motorcycles. Walking or riding a bicycle makes a lot more sense.
The funny thing is that people who aren’t obese and take care of themselves don’t smell after light exercise. Go figure.
This ^
I live 15 miles from my office and it takes me 32 minutes to get there.
He clearly doesn’t know shit about birth control. They prescribe that to deal with a ton of issues, from acne to easing PCOS symptoms. I’ve been on it since I was 13 because without it that time of the month got so rough that I was basically bed bound for the entire first day. I think I read that over half of women on BC don’t even use it for contraceptive reasons.
If I could put a piece of plastic in my arm and raw dog without abandon I’d be the happiest guy in earth.
100% onboard with this, although I haven’t been asked to put on a condom in a long time, Rawdog or nah dog for me.
How long has it been since you’ve had sex that you have to try to convince yourself this?
5 days, honestly. But I really use protection most of the time. I just don’t take a condom when I go out. I don’t, because if I did, that’s counting your chickens before they hatch and then I definitely wouldn’t get laid. So I have condoms at my place, but if we go to a girls place she has to have them.
And if she doesn’t, you’re not getting laid. Good plan.
I live in the world I live in. Is it perfect, hell no, but this is where I’m at right now. Sorry I don’t carry a condom around in my wallet like every movie you’ve seen. Chances are 80% of guys don’t, and that’s being conservative. Get off your high horse, and tell me you’ve never had unprotected sex.
You make it seem carrying a condom is such a burden, its frankly hilarious. And no, I don’t put my dick uncovered in a hole that I’m not familiar with. Let us know what the chlamydia life is like.
Well that’s your personal choice. I wish you well in the wars to come.
you haven’t been asked to likely because you’re banging chicks that put the plastic in their arms for you. Or because you’re not getting laid 😉
One girl said she got a shot in her ass every 6 months… That’s not possible right?
lol… I’d get myself checked out if I was you
Have turned down sex if a condom must be involved
do you just not care about STDs, or?
It’s 2017, college educated professionals in yuppie neighborhoods don’t have STDs
They’re developing this at the moment. I still won’t do it though. Not risking long term sterility… I’m a hypocrite
I’m as appreciative as the next guy, but let’s face it, a lot of this shit (outfits, makeup) girls do for each other, not for us.
partially disagree. makeup is for me. i like doing it, i like buying it, i like looking in the mirror after 15 minutes at the vanity and looking like a real person instead of a bridge troll.
A little foundation around the snoot I imagine makes a difference. Also a whisker trim.
For the ‘gram
Or for themselves… but you aren’t wrong.
First the “OMG babe I’m soooooo sorry about our argument” article, now this? Duda, what have you become?
This is actually what came to mind when I was reading this.
Let’s talk about all the side effects for birth control too. It’s not as easy as just putting a device in the arm, you also have IUD’s (hella painful) & birth control pills which come with a lot of side effects. If you’re a dude who gets to have unprotected sex because your girl is on BC, she’s definitely sacrificing for you. Thanks for noticing
Bush is back? First I’m hearing of this.
Tamed* bush is what life is all about. It says “I have self respect, but not to the point that you flexing in the mirror like Patrick Bateman will turn me off”
Idk about the bush, but definitely can appreciate some hair. Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer the feeling of being with a woman, not a prepubescent girl. Idk I might be crazy though.
Just came here to see the ladies takes on JD’s opinion
Duda let me ask you this, do you use a different trimmer for your face and pubes? And anyone else who’d like to answer
Negative.
Bought two of the same trimmers from amazon and just put them in different cases to make sure they don’t get crossed.
One trimmer. Just give it a good cleaning between uses
You gots to get a beard trimmer that has a detachable, washable head. Not only is it gonna keep you from getting sweat from the land down under on your face, but if anyone else needs to use it in a pinch, they’re not effectively rubbing your funky fuzz on their face.
Two, the one for my face is expensive, I buy cheaper ones for the fellows.
One trimmer.
Much appreciated Duda. Also FYI guys, recognizing this stuff and just saying a simple “thank you” will get you laid way more frequently than say, complaining about wearing a condom.
You are welcome, friend. PSA to the ladies: the BC in your arm is a gem.
I’m all about that 10 year IUD. Not having to worry about birth control daily is amazing.
Much more reliable too. IUD for the win.
i know multiple people who have gotten pregnant with an IUD lol
I nearly passed out from the pain, and then I had to get it removed and re-inserted due to some other fun issues. I get what you’re trying to say, but you’re wrong to call any of that experience “amazing.” It was pure hell and it was at least 75% for the benefit of my boyfriend. Props, Duda.
Sup?
Thanks, but I’m good.
Can confirm. Got it after we had our son, haven’t worried about a sibling since.
no it’s not. It hurts like a bitch to put in, and makes your hormones crazy for a settling in period that can end somewhere between 2 weeks in and the day you take it out 3 years later. I want mine out so bad but I’m terrified to do it because fuck man how are they getting it out.