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Alright, you guys. I hope you’re sitting down. I have received word earlier today and I don’t know how anyone is going to take it. It’s days like today that make you grateful for the time you got to spend with friends and family and really enjoy living life to your fullest while you can.
It’s with a very heavy heart that I tell you all… the teachers have declared that summer is over on social media. Like the Maesters sending out white ravens to signal that winter has come, all of your favorite Miss and Mrs. tweeted, snapped and Facebooked that summer has come to a cruel, abrupt end. You will not see the sun for nine months.
I could hardly believe the news when I heard it. The same people who we have watched live out a three-month long vacation on Snapchat were breaking the horrible news that everyone’s favorite season had come to an end. No more barbecues. Baseball? Canceled. Good luck trying to pry anyone away for a weekend at the lake. Summer’s over, folks. Get back to work. If a teacher is working, you better damn well be working just as hard as they are.
School’s back in session. There will be no more terra cotta 85-degree sunsets that leave you awestruck. There will be no more lazy days by the pool. And most importantly, there will be no more fucking fun. Pack away those bikinis. Cancel all travel plans. The teachers went back to work, you guys.
Please tell Selena Gomez to stop releasing bangers, because the competition for Song of the Summer has been officially closed. These people now must return to their classrooms and reignite their reigns of terror over the youths of America with busy work, drilling for state testing and teaching them how to depend on the government for the rest of their life.
Just like how you tyrannically line your children up for lunch at 11:45 am on the button, you are telling the rest of us to line up for the death march towards another dark, miserable winter. You clench your grip tighter, while your insatiable lust for power has grown stronger in your three months away from the eager, impressionable minds of your students ready to consume the handfed slop from your mighty, union-protected hand.
Not me. You will not dictate my life. Summer is only over when I decide it’s over. I will fight you tooth and nail to protect my rights as a summer-enjoying citizen. I am free from the tethers of scholasticism and no longer fear the threat of truancy. I am an independent grown ass citizen of the United States of America and I will not be intimidated. Not by you. Not by anyone.
You will not win. Try you might, you will not win. We march onward.
Note: Teachers, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know how to write or read or do any cool stuff. I love you. Have a wonderful school year. .
Image via Shutterstock
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Brian,
I want to sincerely thank you for this. I have a girlfriend whom I love dearly, and just so happens to be a teacher, but the majority of our fights revolve around her bitching about her job. I’ve even suggested she go back to school and earn a nursing degree because all she does is complain.
Not getting paid enough? Get a summer job. “But I just think it’s pathetic I need a summer job just to supplement my income! I deserve and NEED to have 3 months (and roughly a month during the year) off!” I forgot teaching is as labor-intensive as coal mining or tarring and chipping a roof in the middle of summer.
I always get roped into setting up her classroom before and helping grade papers during the school year. I don’t agree to it at first, but she will complain so much and ask for help until I cave just so she’ll drop it. She acts like it’s going to take her hours to complete but I finish the task in 30 minutes max.
We went to a destination wedding with my friends and she complained about her job to anyone within earshot without asking anyone else about work. Even my family and friends make commented about her disdain and I have to live with it.
Listen, putting up with little heathens each day could suck but everyone deals with shit at work. It’s just no one wants to hear about it every. Damn. Day /rant
if you think she complains a lot right now as a teacher…you really do not want her to become a nurse.
source: i used to be a teacher and some of my best friends are nurses.
If she can’t handle being a teacher, she’ll make an even shittier nurse. There is a world of difference between dealing with some bratty school age child and a person who is trying to fight you for giving them their medication. She’ll bitch about getting stuck on a 12 hour night shift. She’ll bitch about getting blood, piss, and shit on her. She’ll bitch about not getting to use the bathroom all day because post-op trauma patients were coding.
At least all of the kids in her classroom will get to go home at the end of the day. Some of the kids at the hospital won’t. Being a nurse takes a special kind of person and they way you just described your girlfriend, not feeling like she’ll that mold.
Hey Jackie, sup?
Just wait til you get married. You don’t know what unsolicited bitching is yet.
I’ve been a huge proponent for a support group to those of us who are in relationships with teachers!
We have one in Annapolis. Let’s a beer is consumed
Lots of
Let it out buddy, it’s what we’re here for.
I am a teacher and if she complains that much, she’s in the wrong field. Most tests are scantrons(unless she’s an English teacher, but she would have picked that certification) and lesson planning is work, but so is any job. Sounds like she got into teaching for the summer break.
I mean it’s technically only murder if you get caught ;(
I’m late to the party but I can confirm, my fiancé is a nurse and I’d kill for her to teach and complain about stuff like this, especially seeing as she works night shifts. For example, I haven’t seen her since I left for work Monday morning. She lives a vampire schedule. She’s always exhausted and needed foot rubs. AND I get to hear gross stories about blood and poop. Count your blessings brother.
I’m still going to wear Aloha shirts and drink Pacifico year round
Summer is a state of mind
I thought you were breaking up with us again Brian! Not cool!
I’m going to post this article on every teacher’s whiny post and I can’t frickin wait
Few things bother me more than this subject. We literally have more than a month left of Summer. And this is the proper use of literally, so suck it teachers.
Some girl I used to hook up with in college shared a link on Facebook of curriculum for teaching tolerance of diverse cultures to her middle schoolers. Like, what?
Gotta start em young if you want to raise the next generation of Antifas.
Who needs to know how to read or do math when you can just learn how to riot and cause property damage?
So tolerance is a fringe group, now?
It’s a joke predicated on the idea that diversity and tolerance are only okay if they apply to a set of pre-conceived notions; everything else is hate or racism or some kind of phobia. Obviously the Antifa are an extreme version of an example (although they don’t get as much condemnation in the media as they deserve…), but their origins come from the same aforementioned viewpoints.
I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!!!
I don’t see the issue with this. I grew up in both a very conservative area/state and a very liberal area/state and we had similar curriculum in multicultural education in both. Having the one day where people bring in foods from their cultures or reading a book by a Chinese-American author count as teaching tolerance of other cultures. This is generally what’s meant by educators. I’m not going to get sucked into a culture wars argument – one of my favorite things about this site is that it’s somewhere we can go and have a good time without politics.
Hey, while you’re here, do you mind signing my petition to prevent pro-lifers from demonstrating in front of cemeteries? Like, I don’t even care about the demonstrators or what they believe in, I literally want to get rid of cemeteries so we can properly monetize those plots of land like everything else in this God forsaken country. If they can build overpriced condos over a Native American burial ground for gentrification, why can’t we build some Quiznos’ on top of the victims of everything else? Lol
IMO, Summer isn’t over til the first Top 25 College Football team has played its first home game. This year unfortunately, will be South Florida hosting powerhouse San Jose State on August 26th.
Go Bulls?
Giving you the benefit of the doubt to let you know that the plural of Mr. is Messrs. Dudes can be teachers Brian, it’s 2017.
*2016
Time to pick up our balls and go home I suppose.
Made my day and I’m a teacher