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I stood behind a father and his child for nearly a minute last night as they tried to open a door that would lead them into a wondrous establishment simply known as Target.
I was in a particularly bad mood after a day of doing soul-sucking research for a company that doesn’t give a flying fuck about me.
I wanted to go in, get a few toiletries that I absolutely needed, and maybe some junk food before getting back to my apartment where I wouldn’t have to talk to another living, breathing human being for the rest of the night.
In short? I was very crabby. I still am as I type this now that I’m thinking about it.
I was about thirty feet behind the father and son as they stood in front of the door waiting for it to open automatically. At first, I thought that maybe the motor on the door was broken. I got closer to the door and realized that this was actually a manual door, with a large sign on it that said “PUSH” in large, green letters.
I was ten feet behind them and closing and the father and son still had not opened this door. They tugged on it. They even looked at the store hours sign above the other large sign telling them how to open said door to see if Target was for some reason closed on a Tuesday night at 7:00 p.m.
I stood there watching them for what felt like an eternity. In reality, it was more like forty-five or fifty seconds. Finally, I took matters into my own hands. I pushed the door open and in the three of us went.
I went on a bit of a tirade on Twitter last weekend in anticipation of the premiere of Game of Thrones. I don’t like the show. I think it’s dumb. A girl tweeted back at me after I expressed these feelings saying, “Does anything in life bring you happiness?”
Well, yeah. That’s just a stupid question. Of course, there are things that bring me happiness. Sex with attractive girls. A hot meal. Saunas. Infinity pools, caviar, and vodka-waters. All of those things make me happy. Just because I don’t like Game of Thrones I’m all of a sudden some curmudgeon? No, that girl who tweeted that question at me is just an idiot.
So why? Why am I telling you these stories of minor inconveniences and silly questions?
I’m telling you because it perfectly illustrates a point that I’ve been trying to make for years now that people who are close to me just cannot seem to grasp.
Most people are fucking idiots. A preponderance. The lion’s share of people on this planet. They’re all dummies.
That movie Idiocracy starring Luke Wilson? We’re living it. Walk around a densely populated area and I guarantee you you’re one of the smartest people in the crowd. The fact that you can read these words on your computer screen and comprehend the point that I’m trying to get across is something that I’m not sure a majority of people in America could do right now.
How we got to a point where legitimate fools outnumber people with middle-of-the-road IQs is beyond me, but I do know that it feels good to finally be proven right. And it’s all thanks to this father/son combo and some Game of Thrones stan.
I am a cynical person. I believe that my glass half empty mentality makes me smarter than the guy across the table with a similar socioeconomic background who thinks that everything is sunshine and goddamn rainbows all the time.
People who walk around happy and content with their lives? They’re idiots.
I know a lot of people who truly seem happy at all times. They never let anything get to them. They have a smile on their face and even when life throws them a curve you still see them with that same dumb grin plastered across their face. My conclusion? Those people are too stupid to see all of the bad around them.
I’ve never understood how anyone can be happy when the world is in the state that it’s in. Sure, you can have brief, momentary glimpses of happiness. But you can’t harness that feeling. Being happy is sort of like catching lightning in a bottle. It’s not everlasting.
I go through my life taking everything that people tell me with a grain of salt because deep down in my core I truly believe that everyone is full of shit to some degree. On my best day, I’m still like 75% bullshit.
I’m not claiming that I’m smarter than everyone. I am claiming that I’m smarter than the majority, though. I was taught to believe that I am the smartest person in any room I walk into at a young age and I think that’s probably skewed my opinions on many things since.
It doesn’t explain why I find overly nice people to be annoying, but that’s just the way I’m hardwired at this point.
I maintain that a majority of people – men and women you walk past on the street, in shops, and at work – are fucking idiots.
It’s simple math. Not everyone is well-read. Not everyone can read a satirical column and understand that what they just read, was indeed, satire.
Planet Earth is a shit show and we’ll all probably die a fiery, violent death some day. I’m not asking you to be as cynical as I am. I’m not telling you to agree with anything I’ve said here.
All I’m saying is that some people can’t comprehend another human being who doesn’t like a television show they like. Some people can’t figure out how to open a door. It’s all just a little bit concerning. .
Image via Youtube
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
If a hot girl wanted Johnny to watch Game of Thrones, he would. He’s fickle and weak, hiding behind a facade of stubbornness to mask his soft, nuggety center.
I’m here for duda’s nuclear take, and I’m absolutely here for your counter-take. I’m totally in the mood to get in an internet fight today. Fuck all y’all.
I just got paid 9k dollar working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $9k her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less. This is what I do Go this Web Click Here
Go this web and start your work.. Good luck…
I can’t tell if you meant to say “nougat-y” or not but honestly I like the imagery that comes with “nuggety”.
I felt like nuggety was a perfect antithesis of his outward appearance.
Plus, serious GoT fans are smarter than nearly any other TV demographic. If you can remember all the plot lines, characters, and connections than your mind is organized with at least decent memory. Plus, if you finished the books, well by God you graduated from Zoolander’s school with flying colors.
Keep telling yourself that, nerds.
It’s got plenty of violence and nudity for the knuckle-draggers too, I really don’t know why anyone wouldn’t be a fan
Thank you for proving his point. You have the situational awareness of a rock. I love how someone can jump to conclusions so quickly. Is this based on what you believe he would do or do you have any evidence to support your claim?
I share Johnny D’s mentality almost to the letter. If a hot girl asked me to do anything it wouldn’t make a difference. I do not follow the marching orders of others. I’ve had enough sex without enough hot women in my life to realize that they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. Contrary to popular opinion, most “hot” girls suck in bed. They’re not worth the pedestal they’re put up on.
So to answer your question about me, someone who is nearly identical to Johnny, if a hot girl wanted to watch Game of Thrones I’d be asking myself why the fuck I let a girl who watches Game of Thrones into my life to begin with. Since I control my life, this wouldn’t happen.
People are parasites in many ways (financial, social, mental, psychological), and you have to continuously tell them to fuck off or they will invade every aspect of your life. Put up strong boundaries and the women you attract won’t want to watch TV, but do the things that you also enjoy.
Fuck compromises.
“If you’re the smartest person in the room, find a room with smarter people.”
“The great thing about being a pessimist is you’re either right or pleasantly surprised.” – Not sure who, but definitely not me on both.
I seriously feel like one day we’re going to wake up to a news story saying Duda went all Patrick Bateman all over Chicago.
*cough*
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect
*cough*
Major props for the Idiocracy reference. That movie is a documentary about the future.
Brawndo’s got what plants crave.
It’s got electrolytes.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
I got a solution, you’re a dick. South Carolina whats up?!
I love that movie.
I LIKE MONEY.
People that think that Idiocracy is a “documentary about the future” either don’t know much about the past (*cough*FlynnEffect*cough*), want to feel smug, or are low-key supporters of eugenics. It’s a funny movie, but come on.
Holy overreaction and generalization.
How is it an overreaction? The “it’s a documentary about the future” remark is a cliche, and unless you’re saying that’s a future you would like to see, it’s hard to see that as anything but supporting eugenics, which is what the movie is in effect arguing for.
It’s like how Starship Troopers is a pro-fascism movie. Does it make you a fascist if you like it? God, I hope not. Does it make you a fascist if you watch it and think “y’know, they had some really good ideas”? Well…
Agree man so tired of hearing about that movie.
My comment was a joke. I have seen Idiocracy too many times to count and I have never thought “wow, we should really kill off all the stupid people.”
I am definitely over idiocracy too but you just gotta chill out
I work at a gym and recently had a member call in asking if they could make a cash payment for their membership over the phone
I feel this article on every level
I feel like this was written by Dennis Reynolds after that dude tried to buy his submerged vehicle as a starter car
That was a finisher car
If only natural selection worked for the human race like it did for crustaceans. Fuck the shrimp.
Settle down there cowboy, Just gotta sit tight til humans wipe out sharks then everybodys gonna hop up one rung on the food chain
Don’t ever change, friend
Father?
If the smartest person in the room feels the need to say he is the smartest person in the room, you aren’t the smartest person in the room.
Agree with this take Duda. I’m absolutely convinced that 85-90% of the general population is completely retarded. I did some work on a political campaign that involved speaking and interacting with the public, and hearing the grievances of the average Joe (non-issues for the most part) made me lose faith in humanity. Think about the morons we all have on our Facebook feeds from highschool, who have absolutely zero self awareness when posting. Do they not know they’re being laughed at?