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Ever since we swapped out formals for weddings, our Saturday summer nights have been monopolized by the celebration of “true love” – otherwise known as an excuse for us guests to spend hundreds of dollars on travel and toasters, be subjected to at least one Pinterest wedding scheme gone wrong, and then treat ourselves to an open bar, which almost makes the entire ordeal worth it. If you’re unlucky, you may have been forced to participate in some of the worst new wedding trends, such as attending a buddymoon, being involved in a live wedding painting, or yes, even attending a wedding at Taco Bell. If you’re REALLY unlucky, however, you’re friends with Amanda Hughes and Joel Tse, whose idea of wedding festivities involved making their guests run a half-marathon with them.
Since Amanda and Joel are runners, met while marathon training, and scheduled their wedding for the date of the Brooklyn Half, apparently these two decided a great wedding day would include forcing all of their friends and families to run 13.1 miles – and THEN sit through an entire wedding and reception. Unlike the previous wedding that held up the Brooklyn Half, these guests weren’t done at mile 6 – nope, they still had hours left to go. Of course, most of their guests had never run a half-marathon before, so Amanda and Joel came up with a great solution – sending a four-month training schedule with their invitations to let their guests know just how out of shape they currently are and dedicate even more time and effort to their wedding than to any other event in their life. I don’t know about you, but I definitely have the time to carve out 8-mile training runs in the morning just to get ready for a wedding.
Since weddings are about selfless love, Amanda and Joel forewent the competitive nature of the race and maintained a 10-minute mile for the length of the half-marathon so they could spend time with and converse with their guests as they tortured them. For the happy couple this may have been a leisurely stroll, but I’m pretty sure everyone else was dying. Sure, a couple of 10-minute miles sound doable. 13 10-minute miles? Just take me out back and shoot me. I know that after 25 long minutes on the elliptical I’m ready to collapse for a three-hour nap, but their guests had to rally after their run to get ready for the following ceremony AND reception.
For the sake of the cleanup crew at their venue, I’m hoping the guests remembered to stay hydrated, otherwise I can only imagine the shitshow the open bar turned into. Hundreds of dehydrated, starving wedding guests with unlimited drink tickets after burning thousands more calories than they’re used to? Guys, I wouldn’t bank on getting back the security deposit for your venue if I were you.
On the bright side, the happy couple was probably able to save a pretty significant party of their catering budget by getting their guests buzzed for half the price, and I bet they could have shut down the party by 8 p.m. and no one would complain about getting back to the hotel to collapse for at least 12 hours. On second thought, maybe this half-marathon ploy wasn’t such a bad idea. If you’re looking to save costs on your big day as well as reduce your social spending budget due to losing all of your friends, definitely consider hosting your wedding with a required half-marathon. Your budget and your checking account will thank you. .
[via Runner’s World]
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Steph W.
Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com
@therecruitchair
…..and these people actually had friends to invite?……
Must be a sobering realization when you realize that your buddy who likes running is such a dick he’s going to force you to run.
I once made a mistake of running(walking/jogging with shoes filled with blood) a half marathon to impress this girl i was dating. Not worth it so if solid 8.5+ dragon couldn’t make it worth while i’ll burn in hell if any of my buddies think I’m doing this for their wedding.
…I wish someone would send me on a four month drinking training regiment in prep for their wedding.
I heavily implied that my guests would die if they didn’t show up with hefty tolerances in place
Now that I would be down for
These people are literally the worst
This seems like it was a way to get people just to send gifts instead of attending that backfired horribly.
Apparently they also had a potluck dessert table, where guests had to bring their own dessert…
Sounds like a great opportunity to implement Stanley Hudson’s method of running a marathon which is to get in a taxi and proceed to the bar
Have a normal wedding like regular people and do the half for your honeymoon if that’s your thing. I’d quickly rescind my RSVP if I knew that was the case for attending the wedding.
No one was forced. I was there. This “writer” is a condescending snit.
I would walk the half marathon to make the bride and groom stay with me
HPO
One word to sum this up. Miserable.