Thursday At The Masters Live Blog From Hooters

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Well, everyone. It’s getting to be that time.

And by “that time,” I mean the Michelobs are hitting me hard and my neck is starting to ache for typing for so long.

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What’s your ideal golf foursome solely of (living)former Red Wings? I think I’d go with Yzerman, McCarty, and Hull. That last spot is really a toss up, but I hear Hull is an amazing golfer so maybe he can give me some tips.

Yzerman, Drapes, and D-Mac. I want Pavs in the clubhouse though because my friends and I have a running joke that he tells incredibly dirty jokes in broken english.

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Were you able to snag a pair of the Adidas Pimento Cheese Crossknit Boosts? Biggest shame of DJ Wding is that we didn’t get to see them.

No, but I bet they’re flaaaaaaames. (I’m saying “flames” more now because apparently I say it too much on Touching Base and got called out.)

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If you suddenly were on the Tour, what is the ideal sponsorship lineup on your gear?

The PGP Trifecta has got to be:

Hat – Michelob
Shirt – Hooters
Bag – Callaway

Honestly, yeah, that’s probably exactly the move. Maybe TGI Friday’s on the ball or glove.

So it turns out that Cheyenne drives a Ford Mustang. Detroit muscle, baby.

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why won’t u folo me back Will I got bars n truly appreciate ya #content

You know I got nothing but love for you, DJ Crimedawg.

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Fat Dufner > Skinny Dufner. Thoughts?

This is true information.

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We’re closing in on the last moments of this live blog. Get your questions / comments / hatred in now or forever hold your peace (until the next live blog).

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DON’T LET THE BIG EASY GET HOT.

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Who’s in your ideal foursome? (talking golf here, obviously)

I’ve probably answered this before but Kid Rock, Matthew McConaughey, and Steve Yzerman.

Just remembered that I’m going to a Bob Weir concert next weekend and I already have crippling anxiety for what Sunday is going to feel like.

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These Michelob Ultras aren’t going down as easily as they were before. But they’re still goin’ down, so we’re still live bloggin’.

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I’m gravely mistaken – the first ever live blog waitress we had was Savanna, not Sierra.

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“Like, yeah, totally, we’d love to drink more and more Michelob Ultras on a freaking Thursday afternoon.”

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We just lost a Cheyenne but gained a Brianna. She immediately said, “You guys want to keep drinking?” and we immediately felt like scumbags.

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thoughts on the upcoming white and green yeezy’s?
which are you trying to cop?

I’m still confused as to how those can actually be real. I will not be copping. That being said, I do really want the hunter green/grey that’s been rumored.

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Cheyenne just got cut so looks like we’re getting a new waitress. This is usually the weird time when you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I be here for such a long period of time that people’s shifts end?”

And that’s currently exactly what I’m thinking.

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Is the waitress from the first Hooter’s live blog working today?

Oh, Sierra? Nah, she’s long gone.

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Parking lot just added a bright red Lexus that looks straight off the lot.

I THINK WE’VE FOUND OUR VIP.

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Everyone needs a guy in their group of friends who has the TouchTunes app and just completely takes over whatever bar you’re at.

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Apply for an elk permit in Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, wherever and mount your buck in a prominent spot on the outside of your house.

If anyone shoots a buck and needs to unload some backstrap, hit Dave and I up. We’re trying to adopt the Joe Rogan diet of solely eating elk, avocado, and jalapeños.

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Not sure who just tossed on “Smooth” by Rob Thomas and Santana, but I wouldn’t hate if they ran it back for a Round II.

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During an interview today, a friend of mine was asked “Are you a forest or tree person?” So, are you guys forest or tree people?

I mean, do I like vast forest ranges untouched by man? Of course. So I guess that makes me a forest person.

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Cheyenne doesn’t want a “Deal Closers Only” hat. She NEEDS a “Deal Closers Only” hat.

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Want some unexpected Dave news? Dude is a complete weather nut. He was watching a storm chaser on Periscope the other day and continued watching for a very, very long time.

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See ya, Matthew Fitzpatrick.

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We’re in danger of zero players finishing in the 60s today. Think about that. If I’m not mistaken, a PGA qualifier event had like five guys all tie for first with -15 and only one made it to the event. That’s how hard Augusta is in the wind.

That’s my scorching #sports analysis today.

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Looking for advice on a good, realistic post-grad vehicle and need input from you fine gents (e.g. Tahoe/Yukon, reasonably priced bmw, etc.).

Got a dog? Get something a dog can spread out in. Don’t have a dog? Buy a dog and get a car that it can spread out in.

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Can’t wait to hate myself later when I eat my leftover wings.

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About 20 PGPers of us are going to a stay at a beach house in May. Would Grandex be willing to sponsor our #PGPVacay2017 shirts?

I have zero pull anywhere but content.

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Round two of Michelob Ultras? Uh, yeah, the VIP is about to be here. We can’t look like NARPs in front of him.

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“Have you ever heard of a website called Post Grad Problems?” – Madison

*crickets* – Cheyenne

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Energy in this place just changed. Gotta think we’re on Big Wig Alert.

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Just found out Cheyenne is from Houston and goes to Texas State. This common bond between three out of the four of us at this table may create lifelong friendships.

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Local course near my buddies’ place lets you sign up for a tee-time to just play 9 holes as opposed to a full 18. Pros and cons of each option?

Why would you ever want to just play 9 rather than 18? Half the reason I play 18 is because I want to go off the grid for as long as possible.

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“DON’T LET SNEDEKER GET HOT.” – Dave and Duda, probably.

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Tomorrow is my last day at the job before I move from SF to Chicago next week. Didn’t think I could be any less motivated to actually do any work until this live blog came around. Please pass along my thanks to Madison for allowing this beautiful event to occur. Really getting me through the day.

That’s why we’re here.

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Just had to stand up and stretch. The bar tables here are the same height as the perfect standing desk. Coincidence or omen?

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FYI – This will most likely end around 4 p.m. CST (5 p.m. EST). Huge traffic drop-off occurs and, hey, I need to enjoy some of this without having my head buried into a computer.

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Please tell me you’re going straight from Hooters to Maiko for sake bombs and mac and cheese

Well, Duda, I’m not saying it’s out of the realm of possibility. I never turn down sushi, but I also rarely eat sushi after I eat a bunch of chicken wings.

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Lets say you got two tickets to the Masters tomorrow (through the lottery) and you may never have a chance to attend again: is it possible to buy too much Masters merch at the pro shop?

Oh, absolutely. You can’t just be the guy decked out in Masters gear. You have to act like you’ve been there before.

[Which I haven’t because I’m destined to never go.]

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You know you’re old when a live blog hurts your shoulders.

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“Can you vape in here?” – Dave to Cheyenne

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Still no sign of the “higher-ups” who are “allegedly” coming in today.

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I just remembered who Matthew Fitzpatrick is. I feel dumb.

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Dude just limped in on crutches. You have to respect how badly he wanted Hooters today.

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To the people in the comments talking nuggets vs. wings: they’re completely different beasts. You come to Hooters to eat wings and you go to McDonald’s to eat nugs. This isn’t rocket science.

That being said, you don’t order boneless unless you’re 1. on a date or 2. wearing clothes you don’t want to get dirty.

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Quick question. Law school finals start up on Monday, but it’s Masters weekend. What’s the play? Try and focus on both at once, or blow off studying while coverage is on? Missing the coverage is not an option.

Hit the ground running early as humanly possible in the morning and squeeze in whatever Masters you can. I mean, the world’s #1 player is out and Dillon is there so it can’t be that cool.

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Who the hell is Matthew Fitzpatrick and why is he on my leaderboard?

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Are John Daly’s acceptable away from the golf course? They’re delicious, but I’m scared they scream, “I’m an alcoholic.”

Yes, because they taste phenomenal.

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Just took such a big swig of Mich Ultra that I almost spit it up on Madison. That’s one way to never get to live blog again.

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I haven’t looked at the Snapchat stories or Instagram stories from anyone at The Masters because, as I’ve said, I cannot be happy for anyone but myself.

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Would you rather go to a strip club with your dad or father in law?

I’m going dad. My dad knows I’m somewhat of a scumbag so I still have a shot to be okay in the eyes of a potential father-in-law.

Dave’s going father-in-law.

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TBH, forgot about Phil as a legitimate threat this weekend. As a fat lefty myself, we’re essentially brothers.

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Tell me we’re just watching a replay of a Spieth quadruple bogey. This is NOT WHAT WE NEEDED.

At what point did you guys realize that we are all obsessed enough with the site that answering our questions while you eat lunch and watch golf would work as a concept?

I’ll say this – there wasn’t an exact moment but it wasn’t the worst feeling to realize that live blogs are a legitimate excuse to go to Hooters during any major sporting event.

cc: Hooters who doesn’t sponsor us but probably should.

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Zero percent chance I go out this weekend. While yeah, napping during The Masters sounds awesome, missing shots becuase I’m hungover doesn’t. This tournament is more sacred than naps which is saying something.

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Still no sighting of the higher-ups she told us were coming in. Low-key think the Hooters Twitter account told the girls we were coming in and we’re the actual VIPs.

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While yeah, I do like the classic rock coming through the speakers, wouldn’t hate full audio here. Can’t go full-diva on Cheyenne, though. We’ve already had her change ever fucking television here to it.

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Thoughts on Bubba Watson playing with a pink ball?

No athlete has had a bigger fall from grace in the Will deFries Power Rankings than Bubba Watson. I love long hitting lefties and he just makes it impossible to like him.

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Smoking a cig outside of Hooters is the new black. And let me tell ya, a lotta dudes wearin’ black right now.

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Assuming Cheyenne is the waitress. What do you think the most common Hooter’s waitress name is?

Tiffany or Ashley.

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If you have a good Douchebag Bar Crawl, email david@grandex.co and will@grandex.co. We have a plan to put all these together.

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Madison and I are just sitting here talking SaaS because that’s what closers do after housing wings. I went with “hot” by the way. Was going to go “medium” but Cheyenne talked me out of it.

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Looking for a Deal Closers Only hat? They’re going to be released soon. Very soon. Can not overstate how limited the quantity is on these things. If you can add it to your cart, do it. Even if you’re going to sell it on eBay and get loaded from it.

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Not sure what playlist they have on, but I don’t even want to take over the TouchTunes because the jams in here are all certified bangers.

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They need to stop showing DJ just walking around sad. Sad DJ is my least favorite DJ. Just bummed he did this falling down stairs rather than lifting a jetski like he did in 2012.

I’m assuming the only reason this question never got a reply from my multiple tweets is because I am unverified trash and you never saw them. What are the chances of Touching Base recording in Nashville with the guys having a hot chicken eating contest?

Make it hot chicken and we’re in.

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Why haven’t you gone IG live yet?

Need Duda here to help us. These fingers can only handle so much at once.

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“This iced tea is good.” – Madison, CEO

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Thoughts on DJ’s recent fall? Think he was sauced up on drugs and alcohol? Or did someone give him a push, making this our generation’s Nancy Kerrigan moment

I mean, his checkered history probably isn’t helping the cause here but hoping it’s just an unfortunate circumstance. Bummed we can’t see him drop dimes all over the course this weekend.

Solid one up on Dillon and Ross, really giving the people what they want.

Who’s the best Golden Tee player in the office?

Dillon, hands down. Dude could probably legit go pro. I’ve never even played a round of Golden Tee but I’m probs better.

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He ordered an iced tea. He’s the CEO so we have to allow it.

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Madison just showed up rocking an over-the-shoulder bag. This is what living feels like.

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Thinking about doing Man Dinner tonight with Barrett and Dave in the wake of the incredible podcast we threw down today in the face of adversity.

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As a female who doesn’t follow golf, but knows all the major names, what should my go to drink be this weekend? I know I’m going to be roped into watching at least a few hours of it (totally doesn’t bother me), I just want to make sure I’m drinking the right thing while I watch.

Beer? Michelob Ultra and we’re offended you even asked.

Liquor? Gin and tonic sounds quite refreshing on a warm day in early spring. I don’t think you can go wrong with it.

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Aaaaaand we have a special guest stopping by. I’m not saying it’s Grandex CEO and noted Deal Closer Madison Wickham, but it’s definitely him.

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Make an argument that Jeff Knox (the non-competing marker for years when there’s an odd number to make the cut) doesn’t have the greatest gig in the golfing world

Oh, best gig ever, hands down.

Pluckers> Hooters. Do better, defries.

Dude, are you serious? Gross. Pluckers is garbage.

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Did we get some Mich Ultras in the mix? You bet. We went bottles so people know we’re not drinking a NARP beer like Coronoa Light or Coors Light. As athletes who enjoy a good time, we only had one choice.

@ duda

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Do your WAGs get along with each other and which couple is the most fun?

Yes, they get along really well. We often crush lavish dinners together and paint the town red afterward. The couples are tied in the fun category.

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Super underrated that both Dave’s and my laptops auto-connect to wifi here.

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As an avid weekend three-putter, is playing on Saturday a respectable move? I don’t like to miss much Masters action, but watching the greatest tourney on tour gets the juices flowing to swing the sticks.

You only golf on Saturday if you have an early-as-all-hell tee time that gets you back onto a couch. Moving day is too important to miss.

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Spending an afternoon at Hooters on Thursday? Definitely Beta move.

Downvote this man with one hand, roast him with your other.

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You guys gonna be doing this again tomorrow?

May go clubhouse style tomorrow from a couch with a dog and fridge within arm’s reach.

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Need a shot, sock?

Not sure who you’re talking to right now. My name is Will and that’s what I go by unless you’re willing to call me Viper, Wildfire, or William.

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Yeah, so not entirely convinced 15 wings was the move but I’ve got five to snack on later when sustenance is low.

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Be right back. Wings just got here so the feast needs to begin.

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Per Touching Base last week, what are the four biggest douchebag bars in each large US city?

We need you – the people – to help us answer this. More to come on this concept soon.

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Dude just walked in and got Hooters to-go. You have to respect that move besides the fact that his couch is about to get doused in buffalo sauce during The Masters.

There’s also a dude wearing a Masters polo near us who’s here eating with his wife? Not sure. You see new things every day.

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Apparently a “higher-up” is here today so there are 9 girls working lunch rather than their usual 4. So yeah, you could say things are lookin’ up.

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So…..who do you got winning the whole shebang?

David’s answer: Rory, Berger dark horse.

Will: With DJ out, going Rory.

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Questions will be in block quotes while answers will not be. Let’s roll.

Dave what do I need to do to get you to drink a four horsemen?

“200 bucks.”

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There will be a hiatus when the wings come because your boy went bone-in like a true g. Daytona Style? Not today. Went the traditional route because sometimes you have to go back to basics and re-group.

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We just saw the news that DJ is out. While we’re not all that bummed that Dillon has to miss the #1 player in the world play at the coolest tournament in the world, spirits are low given that this happened immediately upon walking in. At least Poison’s “Nothin’ But A Good Time” is blasting and we just ordered wings from Cheyenne.

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…and we’re live.

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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