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No one is tuning into The Bachelor for ground-breaking philosophical thought processes. Personally, I watch this train-wreck to escape the actual train-wreck that is my life, and in particular, my dating life. It’s super easy to feel superior to 30 women who went on a reality television show to find love. As long as I’m not that desperate, I must be doing pretty good, right?
Well, all of my feelings of supremacy came crashing down during The Bachelor finale, when Raven uttered this one line as she was chauffeured through the Finnish countryside after being dumped by Nick:
“Is it just that no one can feel that way about me?”
And suddenly, Raven and I were on the same level. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m still somewhat superior to the girl from Hoxie, Arkansas because A.) I’ve had an orgasm and B.) I didn’t talk about not ever having had one on national television. But setting the oddness of her particular situation aside, Raven became every girl in that moment. Because the truth of the matter is, most women, including myself, who have been unattached for some subset of time has asked herself this very same question.
Now, normally confidence isn’t something I lack. Using the area code ranking of face-body-personality, I would say I’m a solid 7-5-8. Once I reach my goal weight, that middle number will go up a little bit, but even as it is now, I think that’s pretty decent, right? I mean my face won’t break a mirror, I’m pretty smart, and I go out of my way to be kind to both people and puppies. I’d even venture to say I’m a pretty decent catch. But as you reach a certain age and none of your relationships results in a ring on your finger, your dream wedding, or even just a long-term commitment, you start to indulge that persistent little voice in the back of your head that wonders the same thing as Raven did as she headed to Bachelor in Paradise home.
Could I write some kind of “you are definitely going to find someone!” piece here to dispel all of our doubts that there is someone out there for Raven/me/you? Sure, I could. But the problem with that is that I don’t actually know that for sure. My nana used to say that there was a lid for every pot…but maybe Nana’s sort of wrong. While I’m pretty sure that someone could feel that way about me, I also know that there are 7 billion people in the world, and it’s entirely possible I may not ever meet that person(s).
But while most people would get depressed at the thought of never finding their soulmate (or if you’re Nick, your fourth one), I refuse to worry about “what if I never find someone.” It’s like that quote they use in AA,
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
Given that dating is definitely enough to drive anyone to drink, this quote is applicable. Here’s the wisdom in knowing the difference here: I can’t control if I ever meet someone, so as long as I have the courage to put myself out there, that’s all I can do. And if I don’t happen to meet one of my soulmates that’s out there in the world, what’s the worst that can happen? A full life of family, friends and not having sex with the same person for the rest of my life? Well, then…as my favorite Friend would say…
.
Because you guys were so awesome about the inaugural episode of our podcast, “Don’t Take It From Us,” JR Hickey and I decided to drop the second episode today! Going forward, new eps will be released every Wednesday, so check it out on Soundcloud below or subscribe on ITunes!
Image via ABC / YouTube
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
Here for this. Post grad dating is honestly the biggest PGP there is.
This user name is my new fav.
Literally just made it today. Looooong time Grandex reader (since TFM’s inception) and I guess today was finally the day to become a commenter. Loving the pod. On episode 1 now.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! Please share with friends so they let me keep babbling.
My boyfriend of over 3 years recently broke up with me and the wave of anxiety that hit when I realized I have to actually put myself out there for the first time not in a college bar setting, was crushing.
These women, and even the men who go on this show, have deep, deep character flaws. There are plenty of us who would take you out.
EVERYONE has “deep, deep character flaws”. The majority of us are just smart enough to hide them and not showcase them on national TV.
I find, that working on things that make me more lovable are actually what gives me the confidence to be ok with not having someone. It’s pretty hard for someone to love if you think you are only ‘ok’. Dont focus on trying to find ‘the right one’,become ‘the one’ for more people.
Personally I’ve found that bettering myself and doing things that I like for the sake of enjoying my life have actually resulted in me very much enjoying my own company. There are definitely times I wish I had someone but overall I’m pretty good with being single. I’ve been in enough shitty relationships that I’d rather just hold out for someone really awesome rather than settle because I don’t like being alone. Being alone is cool if you make it cool.
I wanna ‘sup?’ You so hard right now
What are you waiting for? Shooters shoot, bro.
Fuck it, I’m going in. Sup girl?
This is everything.
Love the podcast… True self/best self story: I dated a guy for a full 2 months before I found out he thought 9/11 was a hoax. Gotta find that true self as early as possible.
Love can’t melt steel beams
preach
2nd favorite username of commenters on this column.
So Jenna I’m not sure if this is the right place to share this but I listened to both of your “Don’t Take it from Us” podcasts today and I loved them! You and Hickey have some serious talent on there. After a solid start I can’t wait to see where you guys go with it!
Thank you so much! That really means a lot. Please share/rate/subscribe so they let us keep doing it.
Jenna’s the star I’m the guy who passes her the rock (and does all the editing). Thanks for checking it out!
Yes. All of this.
I think we are all Raven.
This girl that (at least in Bachelor context) is normal, put her heart out there, seemed to have ton of fun with this guy and had chemistry. And yet, she got let down. To me and I think many viewers, it made no sense.
So the silver lining in all that is when she goes on Bachelor in Paradise, she’ll find a guy that’s wayyyy better than Pubes McGee.
So my point is, everything happens for a reason.
So I reread your article after posting that comment and I think I missed the very important point of finding happiness WITHOUT needing to do something like go to Paradise and find some other guy to make you happy. I still stand by my first comment but I appreciate your point more. Also I have had too much wine while watching the basketball games.