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Update: If you have any awful punishments you’ve ever heard of, email them to me at will@postgradproblems.com and I’ll compile the best of the best (or worst of the worst, depending on how you look at it).
I don’t play fantasy football anymore. And I’m not trying to say that in the Darren Rovellian way of “I’m too good for fantasy football,” I say it in the way of someone who perpetually finished last in his league and lost $150 year in and year out.
As the stakes grew higher, my ambition to play fantasy football grew lower. I became afraid of what I’d lose. Afraid of what my friends would make me do once their lives got more boring and they realized cash wasn’t enough of an incentive to do well. I’ve heard of some cruel-ass punishments out there from having to take the ACT as a 26-year-old man to simply having the losing party wear their rival’s jersey to work for a day.
But this one? Yeah, it sucks.
I’m not familiar with New England, but I’d assume that this guy is posted up at a pretty prime location where you wouldn’t want to be caught as a cross-dressing dude with a beard. Had I been in his league, there’s no way I would’ve let him skimp by with shades on – I’d want him to be looking everyone directly in the eye and sulk in his awfulness.
I guess this is why you don’t suck at fantasy football. .
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Loser of my league will be rocking frosted tips to bring in the new year. Helps prevent teams from intentionally self-destructing and helping someone else win
This is funny and debatably worse than standing on the side of the road in a dress.
It’s either frosted tips, or perform stand-up comedy at an open mic night where the rest of the league writes the material. Since we’re all untrustworthy degenerates the frosted tips is the way to go here
I’ll take one night of extreme embarrassment over having to show up to work with frosted tips 10 times out of 10
Boston Max?
We’ve made the loser of our league walk about an hour through the streets of Manhattan to a bar of our choosing in the middle of the summer. Oh yea, they need to dress like it’s winter.
We’ve also made the loser wear an outfit of our choosing out to the bars during a MDW trip. He wore a pair of high waisted shorts and a bikini top.
I may be wrong since I moved out of Mass a few years ago but I am pretty positive that’s the 93 on ramp by the Burlington Mall. Prime embarrassment location… I’m impressed by this guy’s friends.
This column just reminded me to delete the shitty battery-ruining ESPN app off of my phone. Finished 1 spot out of the money this year.
Unless you’re doing the Bachelor Fantasy League!
The loser of my brother’s league had to do stand-up at an amateur comedy night. He used the opportunity to air out the rest of the league’s most embarrassing moments. Fucking champ
League pitches in for a keg the loser has to pick up. That night, the league gets to pick the losers outfit from the waste up (including hats/jewelry/accessories) During the pregame, the loser has to formally announce everyone that walks into the party, and refill beer for any girls there and all the other guys in the league, as well as prepare and serve any finger foods others bring (I.e. Pizza rolls and stuff). Once everyone is good and drunk, we then proceed to the bar with the loser still dressed however the league had decided.
This is by far the least funny/most annoying punishment here.
Came in a respectable 5th. Had a winning record with a rag tag group. I’m not in any solid leagues, so they’re is nothing for the winner or loser, which I think is really dumb. If anyone needs a solid member for next year, hit your boi up.
Loser of our league is supposed to spent 6 hours in a Walmart. It won’t happen though because our commissioner has a soggy noodle for a spine and there is about a 5% chance he actually enforces the punishment.