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My head almost exploded from frustration this afternoon. On a relatively slow day at work, one can find themselves in conversations that stray very far away from what would be considered normal small talk. It was during a routine “stop and chat” with a female coworker that we got to talking about how hard it is to hit on people at the bar. I maintained that it’s incredibly difficult for a man to even walk away from a girl with a phone number in this day and age. Women hold all of the cards. She essentially told me that she thinks the exact opposite of how I do.
“On my best night – when I think I look absolutely fabulous – I’ll be lucky if one guy comes up to me. I talk to guys at the bar all the time who don’t ask me out.”
I told her she was going to the wrong bars and/or being way too picky. She told me that if a man wants to get a date, all he has to do is walk up to a girl and talk to her. I almost buckled over from laughter, because, as any man knows, it is way harder than just going up to a girl and talking.
If you’re a man reading this, I can almost guarantee that in your entire life, you can count on one hand the number of times that a girl has initiated a conversation or ruthlessly hit on you. It’s a rarity unless you’re a professional athlete.
Women are obviously the gatekeepers to their own vaginas, and I truly believe that a girl not only can, but will, decide after a few short minutes of conversation whether or not she will have sex with you. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and resolve to walk up to a random girl at a bar, in the grocery store, or on the street. I feel as though it’s a rarity past the age of 26 to have a one-night stand, so the only option for a single man of that age is to ask for a date in the near future. You had better come up with something clever too because with every second that ticks by the less your chances of scoring are.
She, however, completely disagreed with everything I had to say. She maintains that men – yes, you heard me correctly – men, are the ones who have the upper hand. Her argument was that women play a perpetual waiting game at the bar. They sit at a bar with a group of friends, talking shit about other groups of girls at the establishment and scope out bros who they think are cute. They stand there with a straw in their mouth sipping a vodka-soda or a gin and tonic and then make sure their body language reads neutral. Which is where I take up issue with her argument. If the onus is on the man to talk to women like she is saying, then body language should be inviting.
I am an idiot. As are most men. I am an ever bigger idiot when I’ve been drinking with a group of my friends and hitting on everything with a pulse. If a girls body language is neutral, I’m not even going to make an attempt. Do you ever see a girl out in public and you think to yourself, “I’d literally throw up if I tried hitting on that girl”? Because I think that all the time. Girls are intimidating creatures. I see a girl’s back turned away from me and a straw in her mouth and I immediately assume that she doesn’t want to be bothered. Body language is the only thing I have to go off of when I’m at the bar. If I go up to a girl and start talking to her and her torso and head face me, there’s a good chance I can get a number and/or a drunk makeout. Anything other than that I just assume that she’s not into me.
Girls can post up next to a bar, exchange pleasantries with a random guy and at the very least get a drink out of it. Men on the other hand? Men can stand alone at a bar all night and not talk to anyone. You know why? Because conventional wisdom says that the guy has to do the work. He’s the one who has to initiate the conversation. This argument that men have it easy in the dating game is just absurd. I had plans on making dinner tonight and going to bed around 9. Not anymore. Nope. I’m going to the bar, and I’m going to go alone to have myself a little experiment. Let’s find out what happens when I stop being polite, and start getting real. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
I thought this was 2016 and we had equality of the sexes. If you’re a girl and see a guy you’re attracted to at the bar, go talk to him. We’ll be pleasantly surprised and, unless you look like a hyena, will probably be down to hook up. And even if you do look like a hyena, have a few drinks with us and we’ll drop any remaining resistance.
To your coworker: If you want a guy to come up and talk to you it’s very simple. Make eye contact for two or three seconds, look away, look back at him. That’s all it takes to let him know you want to be approached, which is about the least amount of effort anyone could ever put forth in any aspect of life.
I learned this from Mixology. That show was a one season hidden gem
As a woman, I can attest that the “catch his eye, hold for a few seconds, look away and then look back” definitely works. I once had a bet with my friends over this and yes, that night I went 5 for 5 in getting guys to approach me. It’s an art form though, you’ve got to be subtle and pretend to be slightly embarrassed when you get “caught” checking him out.
Tbh I’ve tried this and it’s never worked for me. It probably doesn’t help though that my friends are drop dead gorgeous so no guy is looking at me so that I can make eye contact with him anyway.
‘Sup
Life Coach Time: Have some fucking confidence. My goal for you this weekend, assuming you go out twice between tonight and Sunday, is to either get hit on by, or you hit on three guys. You can make this happen. I have faith in you!
@Letsgetfiscal you’ve accrued my interest….sup?
This isn’t getting nearly enough love
agree with Rico here, if you don’t think you’re the shit, then why should someone else. You’re the shit! So go out there and act like it! Others will notice
Girls would hit on Brian.
Can confirm.
Classic.
This girl doesn’t live in the real world.
atta kid, Johnny. Get out there for the content!
Absolutely, positively have *never* had a random girl approach me and start flirting. Your coworker is delusional, or I’m one ugly bastard.
When I was single I approached randos all the time. That’s how I met my current boyfriend and the boyfriend before that and probably 60-70 percent of my one night stands. In general I find it annoying to be approached by guys, if I’m trying to get laid, I’ll get myself laid. Most guys try to approach girls with pick up lines or other weird try-hard shit and that just instantly turns my vag into the Sahara. Almost all of my friends hit on dudes on the regular, so if you’re not ever being approached by women you may need to get some female friends to help you with your look
For some reason I became queasy when reading this.
All of your failures with women flashing before your eyes? I struggle to understand the challenge behind men or women at a bar where nearly everyone is some level of intoxicated and many people share a common goal of getting laid that night or at least in the foreseeable future. You are literally set up to succeed.
Smart and Aggressive……Sup?
I’d wingman for/with you despite your horrible wardrobe choices Duda
Thanks for your support during this trying time.
Let’s say you approach a girl at a crowded bar, and want to chat her up (we’re assuming at worst, neutral body language). Once you’ve shouted your name or your pick-up line three times over the music (after interrupting the group’s conversation), the opening edge is gone and you’re standing there looking like an asshat. If a girl’s mindset is that all it takes to get a date is a good conversation, the music and the group of friends eyeing you make the whole “real conversation” angle slightly more of a challenge. Your coworker’s argument that not getting asked out as a woman is harder, is as you said, predicated on the idea that men are the only ones who can initiate. You won’t see too much of a fight from most guys who are approached by a girl, because it’s unexpected and a nice surprise.
Looking forward to reading the results of the experiment
Tell her I said sup?